It’s not every week during the offseason that we dispense a Meast award. In fact, the last time we did it, it was for Judge Doty ruling that the NFL wasn’t allowed to use its emergency lockout war chest to outlast the players’ union during a prolonged lockout. Based on that precedent, it seems like the only sure-fire way to earn an offseason Meast is to put the screws to Roger Goodell through the courts.

So it’s only right we bestow the Meast on Jonathan Vilma for filing a defamation lawsuit against the Ginger Hammer for the public comments the Rog made about Vilma following the announcement of the linebacker’s one-year banhammering as punishment for his alleged involvement in the Saints bounty program. If you’d like to read the complaint in full, have at it. While it may not force the league to finally disclose all of its findings from the bounty investigation, it will hopefully make it so the league has to turn over enough of them to prove that The Rog’s comments were not defamatory and baseless. Which is nice, because we were happy enough with it being an open “f*ck you” gesture to the commissioner. BAHAHAHA EAT HOG, ROG! That it may actually do a measure of good is a nice bonus.

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Today is Patriots Schadenfreude Day, which is always a supreme delight, but does come tinged by the knowledge that once it’s over, there’s still about 220 more days until meaningful NFL games are played. Womp womp. It’s no consolation, but we’ll have our usual array of KSK off-season features anyway. Some readers enjoy them as much or even more than our in-season content. Why? I have no idea, but we’re forever grateful to have people interested in our irrelevant rants about stupid things that bother us or mock drafts of breakfast cereals (Blueberry Morning FTW!) or which movie sex scene we’d most like to be featured breathing loudly in the corner.

Anyway, your Meast for Super Bowl XLVI is Mario Manningham. Unlike Super Bowl XLII, I have no real issue with Eli Manning winning MVP. Manningham’s game numbers weren’t all that impressive. Practically every other Giants skill player fumbled at some point. And except for a short stretch in the second half where he was tossing patented McNabb one-hoppers to his receivers, Eli played well throughout. Nevertheless, the Mannings are always gonna have people falling all over themselves to hand them awards, earned or not, they don’t need KSK’s fluffing prowess to boot. And there was no singular play in yesterday’s game more impressive than Mario’s catch. Not even close.

You Least for Super Bowl XLVI is…

WELKAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Gutty drops of undersized heart. The best possible scenario for New England losing the Super Bowl would probably be Bill Simmons falling out a blimp above the stadium and deflecting a game-deciding kick as he plunged to the ground. But this was close. The Patriots receivers had many drops yesterday, none of which were as damaging or delicious as Welker’s.

Here’s Welkah postgame:

His voice, barely above a whisper, quavered as he deconstructed the dropped pass that stalled a potential victory-sealing drive.

Oh yeah. Journo sadness porn. Give it to me.

“The ball is right there. I’ve just got to make the play. It’s a play I’ve made 1,000 times in practice and everything else. It comes to be the biggest moment of my life and I don’t come up with it. It’s discouraging.”

Cris Collinsworth said live after the drop that Welker makes that catch 100 times out of 100, which is so stupid I half-expected Phil Simms to break into the booth with a surgical saw in order to try to get his brain back.

Oh, Vernon Davis. So very measty. Not only did you take apart the Saints defense and inspire any number of sideline shots of an angry Gregg Williams (HE’S SO MAD, YOU GUYS!), but then you had to go and cry your heart out on the way to the sidelines. DAMN YOU FOR MAKING THINGS EMOTIONAL!

I, for one, am shocked that a first round megabucks GLORY BOY like Davis would end up being the hero if this game. Here’s a fellow who feuds with coaches and has an acute case of LOOKATMEISM. Such players are often irredeemable people in the eyes of Gregg Easterbrook, mostly because they’re black. Next thing you know, Stevie Johnson will help the Bills win a game! GODFREY DANIEL, IT CANNOT BE.

So Davis is your Meast. As for the Least, the rest of the KSK gang thought Jacoby Jones earned the title. But I’m gonna go with the Packers’ receivers instead, particularly Jermichael Finley, who DERPed all over the joint Sunday night.

I’d also like to give honorable mention to Mike McCarthy, who called for an onside kick (NEVER CALL A SURPRISE ONSIDE WHEN YOU HAVE THE BETTER TEAM), and wore a one piece snowitard that left nothing to the imagination. How are you supposed to play hard for a coach who looks like he’s about to replace your muffler? THAT IS NOT A GOOD LOOK.

This week’s Meast and Least non sequitur is this video of Gary Busey on “Wife Swap,” via my old stomping ground of Warming Glow. You must watch it. Gary Busey doing anything is equal parts terrifying and immensely watchable, but in this case he’s interacting with Ted Haggard’s wife. This is a woman who stayed with her husband after it turned out Ted was using meth and soliciting gay prostitutes, and yet she’s STILL out of her element. NO ONE can keep up with Gary Busey, except maybe Nick Nolte on ketamine armed with a sack of raccoons.

Okay, good times. Let’s talk about the Week 17 Meast and Least, shall we?

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The weekly Meast post is one of our favorite spots for an off-topic rant, and I’d like to take this opportunity to share my list of the five laziest words in sports commentary (phony/fraud/punk/clown/thug). It’s inspired by stupid people talking loudly, which is my least favorite thing on the planet after puppies dying and female circumcision. Though in some ways, dead puppies and female circumcision are better than stupid people talking loudly. They are, at the very least, less prevalent. ANYHOO, go read it and share it and stop watching “Around the Horn.”

Your Sean Taylor Memorial Meast for Week 15 is, as the banner image suggests, Calvin Johnson, who had nine receptions for 214 yards and two TDs in Oakland, including the game-winner and several huge catches in the fourth quarter. Also receiving votes: Drew Brees, Aldon Smith, Roddy White, and… Reggie Bush? That can’t be right.

Keep reading for a very special Least:

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Congratulations to this week’s Meast, Jason Pierre-Paul of the New York Giants. Not only did JPP record six tackles, two sacks, a forced fumble, and a safety, he also single-handedly made sure that the Cowboys would lose for the second straight week. The only downside is that he didn’t give Jason Garrett the opportunity to make a fool of himself in overtime. Pierre-Paul now has 12.5 sacks on the year, leading to assumptions that he might be pretty good at this football stuff.

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We’ve already posted this video, but it needs to be witnessed again in order to (A) honor Week 14 Meast Marshawn Lynch and (B) rebuff anyone who thinks the award belongs to someone else.

And yes, there was plenty of meastiness to go around this week: Aaron Roders continued his brilliance with a clutch performance despite his wide receivers’ sudden case of the drops; Ray Rice ran for two bills and a score (against Cleveland); Chris Johnson — no doubt rested from taking the first nine weeks of the season off — put up 150+ yards and two touchdowns; Demaryius Thomas somehow accrued 144 yards on passes from Tim Tebow; and a defensive player on your favorite team had a dominant performance, but I won’t name him so you can complain about the snub in the comments.

Still, none of that was quite as impressive as Meast Bode 2.0 disappearing from swarms of tacklers to score a touchdown for the 8th straight game. And this isn’t me speaking as a Seahawks fan; this was a unanimous decision among the Gay Mafia. So there.

Your Jeff George Memorial Least of the Week is even less surprising:

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Every time I see Marcedes Lewis’s name, I picture a car that vaguely looks like Mercedes but is actually a cheap Taiwanese knock-off. The logo looks the same, but the words around it read “Marcedes-Bonz.”

Marcedes fulfilled the promise of his name on Sunday, dropping the widest of wide-open passes that was oh-so-gently tossed to him as he stood alone in the end zone. A season after 700 receiving yards and 10 touchdowns netted him a $35 million contract, Lewis has just 281 yards and zero TDs this year. Google probably said it best:

Del Rio: “I still have faith in Marcedes.”
Jaguars: “You’re fired.”

So yeah, Marcedes Lewis is the Jeff George Memorial Least of the Week.

And the Meast:

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The KSK Gay Mafia had a lively discussion about this week’s Meast and Least. After a heated debate, the Meast this week is Larry Fitzgerald, who caught seven passes for 146 yards and two touchdowns. Particularly measty was Fitty’s final catch, a clutch, over-the-shoulder, diving grab that set up the game’s winning score — and would have been his third TD had Jaiquawn Jarrett not managed a lucky swipe of his calf just before he slid into the end zone.

But there were plenty of other candidates: previous 2011 Measts Aaron Rodgers and Tony Romo both had brilliantgames at quarterback, and the Texans offensive line once again paved the way for Arian Foster and Ben Tate to steamroll another defense. Drew suggested that Jared Allen should get some consideration, so we made a new award for him: Best Celebration While His Team Trails by Four Touchdowns. Flubby went full homer in support of Michael Bush. His series of emails in our discussion:

Meast is Michael Bush.
Bush had 242 yards from scrimmage.
242 yards, the most for the S&B since Saint Bo.
Bush had 100 more yards than Fitzgerald. Plus he plays for a first place team.

In my eyes, that argument seals it for Fitzgerald.

And now, your Jeff George Memorial Least of the Week:

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Your Meast of the week is Arizona’s Patrick Peterson. The rookie had a pretty nice interception (see above), but set himself apart with the coolest touchdown of the season.

The walk-off 99 yard punt return was his third of the season, giving him more touchdowns than any non-quarterback on the Washington Redskins roster. He is now averaging one touchdown for every seven touches. I want to make babies with him.

Your Least of the week is Albert Haynesworth, who was dumped by the Patriots following a “sideline confrontation” with Pepper Johnson. If Haynesworth is to be believed (he is not, under any circumstances), this marks the end of his fat bloated career.

”If God forbid, I got cut from this team, I know I could go out there and play for another team,” Haynesworth said. ”But, I feel like this is going to be the last place I’m going to play. If it doesn’t work out here, I’m not going to play anywhere else.” -Albert Haynesworth, September 2, 2011

And now, here is a picture of a pig trying to impregnate a cow. God speed, little buddy! The world looks forward to feasting on your delicious cross-bred offspring.