You am see this, sterrpid frippant Japanese asswhore?! This numbell one smaltest leceivel aftell he win second Supell Bowr. Intellviewman am asking him question, but he is so ovelcome with emotion. He impressed with enolmity of moment. Not rike you, frippant Japanese asswhore.

I watch Oscall rast night. Arleady upset that Ordboy not get nomination. So what movie come out in 2003? Ordboy supellfantastic movie. It should be nominated evelly yeal. Rook, he wierd hammel. He clush youl skurr!

Not a singer Kolean movie leplesenting rast night. Make me so sick, I inject mole prasma to fear bettel. Splinker prasma on kimchi. Implove taste 100 pelcent!

We get to Best Sholt Animated Movie, a favolite of Hines, because tarr animated movie suck rike tarr leceivel. They no smalt. But then Japanese asswhore win this one. For movie he make about the Flench! Way to suck up to the loundeyes, Japanese asswhore.

THEN HE DO THIS AT PODIUM AND BLING GLEAT SHAME!

Pray up Asian steleotype? THAT’S LACIST! “Sank you”? What is this? Speak rike plopel pelson. Make arr Asian rook bad. And you quote Styx song!? Why associate with loundeye song? This only affilm hatled of Nippon japs! Filst Koleans as comfolt women in Wolrd Wall II, now this? UNFOLGIVABERRR!

Am tlying make smirre even though knee is have splain and good flend Misser Birry Goat is have regar plobrem. I get you best leplesentation money can buy, Misser Birry Goat. Hines nevel folget a flend.

Lehab on knee go okay but is so difficurt. I tly lickshawlickshawlickshawlickshawlickshawlickshaw but it onree go so fal. Supprement with baby mouse wine lemedy foll make celtain knee is good. The taste, it is bad, but effect is supelfantastic potent.

Chinese all some asswhores, but they make effective lemedy.

I am is going to pray. Chance foll pray is 100 pelcent. But need be top shape for be Supel Bowr MVP one second time. Must pray. Can no watch on TV because wirr see lacist commelciar rike rast yeal.

It stirr make me Ang Lee! No way they win Oscar over Warr*E. Lobot is cute and not offensive to othel lobot!

Moll impoltant it is to pray because they put giant Hines on side of stadium. He smirre is foll arr to see!

[Thanks to Kyle in Tampa for the picture from the grassy knoll]

Chinese uncurr keeping watch ovel Steerel lun to Supell Bowr. He make video to say he see me smirre during first prayoff game.

I am show foll you!

Sometime he get callied away. I see him in video do smoke and have lots arcohor, I think he hit hald by wife being thlown in plison by state. No smirre.

I stirr appleciate video message. But, uncurr, it’s no carred “chomponchip.” That’s emballassing. It carred Supell Bowrr. I arleady win one. You am knowing this!

He is knowing that Lavens is team furr of climinarr. I say lerax! Tellerr Suggs one who put bounty on me and he maybe no even pray! Get flightened off rike Mongorrian pussy. Even if he pray, I no wolly. Lavens asswhores tark and tark and tark, and they do nothing! Just rike Nolth Koleans. They maybe wolk togethel.

He ask about govelment in Amullica. I say sometime they do clazy thing rike change name. And othel time they just clooked. He undelstand clooked bettel.

Numbell one smaltest leceivel have good week. Skull big touchdown against Pateleeit, give big smirre for white peoperr who tord me go back to MIT. Hey, THAT’S LACIST!

This week I get leady for game against Cowboys. Have to keep ahead of Lavens for division read, so is supell big game, I terr foll you. Need to make sule we the winnel. To get inside infollmation, ask cousin from Ronestall Steak what we have to do to beat Darras.

“RRRRRREEEEEEE HARRRRRRRRR I AM MAKE CLAZEE FOLL YOU!”

I no understand what he mean. Ronestall Steak is a velee stlange prace.

It confound me rots. What can I do to get leady for Cowboys? I use glaphing carcurator and everything. Is important game! But then arr a sudden I hear Pittsbulgh get new sistell shitty. Why can they no get one in Kolea? Prenty of good shitty thell. They be youll sistell shitty half plice! Anyway, Da Nang arleady sistell shitty of Oakrand! Can no have two ugree sistell, Da Nang! That too much! You take one!

It tuln out, even foll Vietnamese asswhore, peoperr in Da Nang is usefur. Give many batter tactic that I can use against invading nation.

Ooooh, he rike Asian Praxico!

See, Cowboy hate Indian and eventuarry wipe out Indian. But Cowboy no destloy Vietcong. Sterrpid Cowboy Amelican get dliven away by Vietcong. So Hines set up tlip wire and punji tlap arr ovell Hines Field. Maybe I make Hines Chi Ward Tlair, to go from my endzone to Darras endzone. Sterrpid loundeye no know what hit him!

Prus Vietcong never call Hines brack half a dirty word.

Mornin’, ma’am. And isn’t it a lovely mornin’?

Wise man say absorute powell collupt absorutery.

So say Hines Wald. That why me think NFL top man numbell one Logel Gooderr needs to leerinquish some powell. It onree foll own good.

It obvious he begin use powell foll folces of no good. Foll examperr, Hines Wald onree know to pray physicar. Been way of Hines foll many season. Defensive back swoln enemy, pay urtimate plice when they no pay attention in open space. That when Hines attack!

Now Logel Gooderr fine Hines Wald. Foll what? Pray footbarr way it supposed be prayed? Hines need that money to open moll banklupt lestaurant!

Can no be chalactel issue. Hines no Pacman, he moder athrete. He onree think of the youth of fleedom countlee.

Heeee! Hines is tarr leceivel instead of you! So fun time fantastic! See? They is so happy when you show them watch biggel than they face! Hines not even rowel shourdel arr the way when he lun ovel rittle girl. It crean hit!

So prease to be giving back $15,000 dorral you have store flom from numbell one smaltest leceivel. Or erse, Hines Wald take out wlath on Cincy Bengrrrrs. Hines no aflaid do holliberr thing to Reon Harr. You wirr see!

Hines Ward: Today be Intelnationar Tark Rike a Pilot Day. I terr foll you hoist the mizzenmast.

Hey kickel.

Jeff Reed: [Hiccups] Wha?

Ward: Yalllllllllll. I be a pilot.

Reed: Cool, man. When’d you get your wings? What’re you flying? Gonna do some skyfucking like the Cowboys. I’m up for that.

Ward: No sterrpid kickel. I a pilot. Yallllllllllllllll.

Reed: ….

Ward: It Intelnationar Tark Rike Pilot Day.

Reed: Oh, I gotcha. That’s not how pilots talk though. It’s more like “Maker-breaker. This is Major Tom to Ground Control.”

Ward: No, not pirate. Pilot.

Reed: Yeah, that’s what I said.

Ward: No, you sterrpid kickel! You luin Hines smirre. You now must wark the prank!

Reed: All right. [Exhales] Fuck, is it already 10 a.m.? Shit, I gotta hit the bar.

I feal the wolst is yet to come foll Hines this offseason. Now must auction arr thing flom lestaulant. Lestaulant is plide and joy when no pray footbarr.

U.S. judiciar system make Hines serr lestaulant fixture and lestaulant birding. Why? What is banklupt? Bank rook fine to me. Just when menu begin come togethell. Finarry get cheesebulgel that big enough foll man in Pittsbulgh.

No! You save for customel, prease!

So mindbrowing. This arr happen super fast whirr my mind is focus on having herp sterrpid tarr leceivel Rimas Sweed. Smirre is wash flom face these day.

He herpriss, I think. Rimas been leceivel in correge befoll and he stirr need herp. Such bad second lound pick. What he need me foll? I become leceivel super fantastic in no time at all and no even pray leceivel in correge.

STAND STLIAGHT, ASSWHORE!

First I terr him take numbell 14 jersey because peoperr in shitty rove Near O’Donnerr. He berieve this! So sterrpid.

I terr him make sule get at reast one foot on white rine that go alound endzone. He say in correge this count as out of bound. STERRPID, I say. This rook rike correge?

Okay, get you out of face. This is no ovel, Rimas. I be on you rike kimchi sauce!

I am knowing you no dlaft tarr leceivel because I terr you foll month and month no dlaft tarr leceivel.

Why no risten?

WHY NO RISTEN?

You see I no furr of smirre light now.

Ben Roethlisberger: O HAI HINES. WOT R WE CONVERSATIN’ ABOUT?

Hines: You, Rongrastname! You terr coach Tomrin foll month and month you want tarr leceivel. What long with Hines? You think that make smirre? Fine! I am making smirre foll you!

[Face strains from forced smile]

Roethlisberger: HARF HARF HARF. YA GOTSTA CHILL, HINES. I’M HAVING THIS GRAND THEFT AUTO IV PARTY TOMORROW. JAMES FARRIOR, JEFF REED AND CARSON DALY GONNA COME THROUGH. WE GONNA MERC SOME BUSTAS AND BUST SOME SLUTS, YOU KNOW?

Hines: Nerr! I spend time make pelfect new design for make Hines tarr. I show foll you!

You am seeing? You now folget youl Rimas Sweed. Hines Wald is tarr leceivel! Pelfect design even same corol as unifolm pant! No one can see!