Mark Sanchez: Who we got this week, Thomas? The Chargers?

Thomas Jones: Yup.

Sanchez: Oh, man. They’ve won twelve in a row. They’re no joke.

Jones: Nope.

Sanchez: But I feel good, man. I know a lot of people doubted me, but I helped the team on Saturday. Just gotta keep at it.

Jones: Yup.

Sanchez: Where’s Coach Ryan?

Jones: I dunno, but my water glass is shakin’, so he can’t be far.

Sanchez: Oh man, here he comes.

(door flies open)

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(Christmas Eve)

Santa: Oh, dear! This storm doesn’t seem to be letting up!

Mrs. Claus: Papa, why you so worried? Here. I make-a you-a nice SCUNGILLI. With the pepperoncini.

Santa: Oh, thanks mama!

Mrs. Claus: That’s-a my Santa!

Santa: Oh, I feel bad for all the little children out there tonight. This storm is the worst we’ve EVER faced! Even Rudolph’s nose isn’t bright enough to cut through this much snow and ice! I’m afraid… we may have to cancel Christmas.

Mrs. Claus: But papa! You-a never cancel-a the Christmas! You need-a fresh-a pepper on your chicken parmagnana!

Santa: Well, I just don’t know how we’re going to deliver all these presents in this kind of weather!

(knock on the door)

Voice: Open up! It’s not a fit night out for man nor beast! NOR ROBERTO HUMIDOR!

Santa: Well, who could that be? Mama, could you get the door?

Mrs. Claus: Of course. And I-a bring-a you-a some fresh SALTIMBOCCA.

(door flies open, smell of egg nog farts wafts in)

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Mark Sanchez: Have a good bye week, Thomas?

Thomas Jones: Yup.

Sanchez: Who we got this week? Jacksonville? They kinda suck.

Jones: Yup.

Sanchez: But who are we to talk, right? Can’t believe we got swept by the Dolphins.

Jones: Yup.

Sanchez: Think Coach Ryan is pissed?

Jones: Well, he doesn’t really get pissed, does he? Losing just makes his ass crazier.

(door flies open)

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