Kissing Suzy Kolber » retards

HURRRRRRRRRRR

Christmas Ape — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 14:17:44 +0000

It’s a Monday morning in early June. Other than Drew’s impending mockery of Peter King’s prattlings, there’s not a whole lot even worthy of our warmed-over ridicule. LaToeInjury adding a macho calf tattoo to honor his newest employer? Yawnyawnyawnyawnyawnyawnyawn. Some scrub on the Packers keeping the NFL offseason o’ sexual assault allegations humming? Those are all well and good, but they aren’t exactly prime KSK material.

Not like a picture of Tom Brady showing off the tardface in a charity bike event benefiting Boston-area tards. I’m sorry, that’s wrong. The preferred term is TAAAAAHHHHHHDDDDSSS.

British-driving Toonces might not be mentally disabled, but he really should be wearing a helmet while operating the Power Wheels Hummer.

An uncomfortable pat on the ass to reader Barry for the Brady picture.

Shaun Rogers Didn’t Get The Memo That 9/11 Happened

Christmas Ape — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 18:00:22 +0000

Lost in the excitement of Flozell Adams losing his job so he can go kick at people’s knees in the unemployment line is the unbelievably amusing news that Browns defensive tackle Shaun Rogers tried to bring a loaded semiautomatic onto a plane. In his defense, at least he placed it in the little baggie with his shampoo. How will this position him of the AFC North plot graph of recent retardery that you probably already looked at before reading this text? Well, since you already know, I’ll cease with the cutesy banter.

Biloxi Jim Don’t Like You Talkin’ S–t About Cousin Brittfar

Big Daddy Drew — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:48:08 +0000

I love those days where something awesome falls out of the sky and into our inbox. And today we have one such treat: it’s Brett Favre’s hillbilly cousin, and his Twitter feed. And you thought Twitter was retarded. Well folks, in the right hands, it can be AWESOMELY RETARDED. An anonymous friend from Heavy.com’s The Burly Show explains:

We were talking some shit about Favre on our Twitter page and got an angry reply from someone who seems to be his cousin, once removed, who apparently is just scouring Twitter, looking for posts about his “cousin” and freaking the fuck out. He is at Biloxijim.. His tweets are 98% swearing at “the haters” and 2% talking about his son’s little league team. He only started 2 days ago, but it’s amazing, crazy stuff. Here are some highlights:

mortreport Brett is coming back, and who cares why? We get to watch him and that is all the reason I need to support him coming back.

Sitting at home watching Sportscenter, and doing ebay. Waiting on AT&T to call me for my JOB.

@akhueston …and you are a freakin’ DOUCHE. Brett Favre is the Mannnnn.

@TheBSshow The Jets were 8-2 when his shoulder was healthy numb nuts. How can you question the GREATEST QB EVER? WTF have you done? NOTHING!

Brett Favre is da baddest Mofo of all times. He is the “Chuck Norris” of football.

@RickTheActor Brett Favre needs to comeback if he freakin’ wants, and everyone else needs to get off his jock.

@JakeFarmakis Dude, Brett is my cousin, and he is a South Mississippi rough neck, he would beat your ass down. Ask around MS. He loved scrap

Raise your hand if you think for a single minute that Brett Favre give’s a rat’s ass about whay you people say.

@Ok_Abacus This is all Brett Favre. Deanna supports her husband like any wife should. Who the hell do you think you are to say that? dumbass

@porkgravy His going to play, and kick ass, and all you haters will grumble and moan as usual. Brett Favre is the greatest of all times

I’m beating down on all the Brett Favre twitter haters.

@jennispinner Brett Favre is allowed to change his mind as often as he’d like. …so all you haters get off of his jock.

@tat2dsteelergal Hey fuck face, watch what the fuck you say. I’ll bury you six feet under for talking that kind of shit about my family. ASS

@THATGUYMARTIN Well, I hope you fuckin’ die in your sleep tonight, and I won’t feel bad about it.

@MartyBaceda Gimmie a break. With Brett Favre, the Vikings are 12 – 4 easily, maybe 14 – 2. I think they’ll just miss the Super Bowl

@TheBSshow oh, btw, yes I am Brett’s cousin. His mother and my grandmother are sisters.

I wish you idiots would get off of Brett Favre’s jock. He hasn’t said anything this off season, and you still say he is the premadonna.

ESPN, do your homework before you spout off about Brett Favre. He will become a Viking when he is damn good and ready.

Heading out to watch some Lil’League Baseball. Go #12 Jimmy Erwin aka J Rod

Our operationneeds you to appropriately screw with this guy, so I wanted to pass it along to you. You need to put out the call to your readers to incite this guy on Twitter and see how far over the edge we can get him.

That is all.

Thanks,
KJ

Consider it done, my dear.

A Moment Of Brilliance On A Friday Afternoon, Courtesy Of Fark

Big Daddy Drew — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 18:40:00 +0000

I don’t know what you’re doing right now, but I highly recommend you click here this instant, with all due haste. Readers at Fark decided to have a Photoshop contest using this photo of Tom Brady. The result? I’m fucking dying. Some highlights:

Photoshop credit to Fark artistes squrrelco3, Earguy, voopa, Man On a Mission, and i-dig