Praise be! The Lord’s favored football disciples are rewarded by being on winning teams. Tony Dungy’s Colts are 4-0, Shaun Alexander’s C-Hox are 3-1, and facing off this week are Jon Kitna’s surprising 3-1 Lions and Joe Gibbs’ 2-1 godless sun worshipers. Of course, God’s linebacker, Ray Lewis, is holding everybody back with the Ravens’ disappointing 2-2 start, but he’s been known to stray from time to time, anyway. Jesus’ love is on the line. WHO YA GOT?

There are four inherent truths to this video:

1. It desperately needs to be at least four times longer.

2. Everything becomes 40% cooler when it’s set to the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage.”

3. Hyenas are fucking assholes.

4. Male lions always get a bad rap. “Oh, the lionesses do all the hunting and killing; the males have little purpose besides roaring and insemination.” Oh yeah? Well, it seems to me that the pride would have a big fuckin’ hyena problem if Mufasa didn’t pull the occasional deus ex machina. RAWR! Run away from this, shithead. Oh wait, you can’t — I’ve snapped your hind leg with my jaws of death. FACE.