Credit to the Something Awful forums

For the second time in the first six weeks of the season, MNF announcers have pronounced a starting QB to be “leading the league in grit.” First, it was Jake Delhomme against Dallas. Tonight, it was Marmalard against Denver. Of course, both quarterbacks suffered gruesome defeat, so we can conclude grit not only amounts to unbearable whiteness, but suckitude as well.

Even resorting to two-handed granny floats wasn’t enough to ensure victory on this night for Marmalard. Not with Eddie Royal’s zero catches capturing everyone’s attention. Seriously, I look at the stat sheet and I can’t understand the hubbub.

“We lost? Man, the dudes at the skate park are gonna give me so much grief for leaving two-thirds of my hair its regular color. I gotta break my rape cherry and quick.”

Nice facepaint application, toothless bro. Be advised that fake dreads bro looks like he wants to drop epic slammage on your be-blued visage.

Jester caps were highly in evidence with fans of both teams in this game. Was it their prankster god that forced this errant referee toss off Merriman’s head?

Even Suzy can’t believe Braylon caught balls tonight.

Last year with the Ravens, Rex Ryan’s defense made dolphin-filled tuna out of the Wildcat formation. Surely there was no way that Miami could win unless they did it like the Saints did last week – get more points off Sanchise turnovers than from their own offense. This time, though, the Dolphins donned their unbeatable orange duds and laid 31 points on the Pussytubers, while Chad Henne (CHAD HENNE!) registered a QB rating of 130.

“I have watched as you have grown complacent in your opulence, gringo grosso. As you have sat, dined and slobbered on your many chins, I have been at work, perfecting the deadly arts of…”

And while there was a highly entertaining affair on the field, the real contest of the night pitted the spastic Dolphins male cheerleader’s antics against the wild pom-pommed gyrations of Straw Hatted Jets Snow Blob. C’mon guys, WHO YA GOT?

Some more Miami crowd retardery after the jump.

I’m not much of a gambling man, but I’d be willing to lay down a couple grand minimum that this douche used the South Park fishsticks joke to try to get laid at least a dozen times after the game.

“Here’s the deal, Barn’ – you keep Wilma and Betty occupied while I jump in this Jetsons crossover time machine to the future so I can watch Hispanic Heritage being honored during a football game. Can you imagine, Barn’? We don’t even let Hispanics do manual labor in the Stone Age. We leave that to common beasts. These future people is just plain nutty.”