WHORING! GET YOUR WHORING RIGHT HERE! Captain Caveman links for your enjoyment. First up: I made my first-ever appearance on Dan Levy’s most recent On the DL podcast. He asks me some questions about the Marines before we get down to talking television and the NFL. What a nice young man he is.

If you need a pubescent face to go with that pubescent voice of mine, good news, because Blogs with Balls 2.0 tickets are now NOT insanely expensive like before. I guess the HHR Media people swindled ESPN into sponsoring part of the new media circle jerk, so now it’s only $100. Go HERE to get a discount code. Limited time only.

And last but not least, a Fight Gone Bad update: I practiced sumo deadlift high pulls this morning, and it was misery, sheer misery. This Saturday is gonna suck out loud. So you have that to look forward to. Thanks again to everyone who donated.

KSK will be running a suicide pool for the 2009 season. Register here. Password is “kogod” and you better get cracking. Pick one team per week. If your team wins, you advance to the next week. If your team loses, stick a fork in your ass, because you’re done. Oh, and you can only pick a team to win once. We will do something special for anyone that survives the entire season. If you win but flame out in Week 12, tough titties. Good luck.

[ Shaub image via F Juice ]

Mike Brown doesn’t like your hurtful, yet accurate, airplane banner and here’s what he’s going to do about it.

Bengals owner Mike Brown is responding to growing fan criticism by hiring a general manager, nah just kidding. He’s actually trying to get the FAA to take away the pilot’s authorization to tow the banners that have flown over Bengals games in recent years. No word if Brown plans on having HBO fire the camera operator on recent episodes of Hard Knocks who recorded Brown’s daughter negotiating contracts the way old people screw.

[ Cincy Enquirer via Metafilter and Who Dey Revolution ]

Thank God for local Fox affiliates like KVVU in Las Vegas. If it weren’t for them we would never have been exposed to Jose and his groundbreaking analysis of the canine psyche. [Adam Riff via @TheGreatJT]

Could it really be?  T.O. and Michael Vick in the same city? That’s what conservative political consultant Mike Lesczinski is saying on his Twitter: “Word leaked from One Bills Drive says Mike Vick Signing WIth Bills as We Speak. Press Conference later today.” NO WAY!!!  But I thought he was signing with the Vikings/Redskins/Bears/Raiders/etc.!!!!

Should we trust this Pole?  We don’t know.  He’s poised to be either the next Jay Glazer or the next Mike Florio.  Hooray for unsubstantiated third-person rumors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111ONE

A Few Seconds of Panic: Now priced for the blog reader demographic. Stefan Fatsis’ fantastic book A Few Seconds of Panic was recently re-issued in paperback (priced to move!), so if you never got around to reading this book the first time we recommended it strongly. It really is a great book whether or not you even care about the NFL (we’re guessing you do) so go ahead and pick up a copy. This new edition of the book also features an additional chapter on the next Redskins coach Mike Shanahan who was let go by the Broncos after the book’s initial release. For more Fatsis check out this morning’s On the DL Podcast. [Amazon]

Because Reebok wouldn’t print a “F*#K YOU!” t-shirt.

Those of you who follow @OGOchoCinco and/or watched last night’s premier of Hard Knocks are undoubtedly familiar with Chad’s favorite expression, “Child Please!”. Now it looks as if Reebok is going to market this slogan, which probably means that we aren’t allowed to put it on one of our high quality garments.

[TwitPic]

HERE IS A PICTURE OF AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN. NOW PLEASE SEND US EMAIL.

Consider this your weekly fantasy sex/football mailbag reminder.  Slight spoiler alert: earlier this week we received the best mailbag question we’ve ever gotten, and if you can beat it with an *honest* question I will PayPal you five dollars.  American dollars, even.  I don’t want to give the details of it away, but the question in question combines subjects of sex and fantasy football in a way that involves (alleged!) pedophilia, jail time, and the proper way to handle Goodell-like fantasy league suspensions.

Frankly, if no one else writes in, I’ll be perfectly happy.

Brady Quinn’s questionable hand gestures. Cleveland’s quarterback competition is so intense that Brady Quinn has gone so far as to tell his team’s defense which play Derek Anderson’s offense will run during intra-squad scrimmages. That’s exactly the kind of questionable ethics Eric Mangini is looking for in a quarterback. [PFT]