Eli’s batting average rose precipitously after Olivia reminded him that he’s right-handed. SI has compiled a gallery of Manning family photos to keep us amused during the interminable lead-up to the Super Bowl. Eli At the Bat is probably my favorite, but there are a few other gems including Wet Willy, Peyton the Yankee, and Dear God, Don’t Look Under the Mattress! Peruse the rest at your leisure. [SI via Scott]

It could use one, anyway.

SITE NEWS: MAILBAG TOMORROW MORNING. Apologies for those of you who, like Rain Man with Wapner, need the mailbag on Thursday afternoons. As recompense, please enjoy this picture of Scarlett Johansson (click for full size). I like it because it looks like she’s doing a Tyrannosaurus Rex impression, and the idea of her pretending to be a dinosaur is really endearing to me. Maybe she’ll do it if I ask nicely. And unlock the handcuffs.

She says she doesn’t really have STDs, yall.

A Cincinnati Ben-Gals cheerleader has filed a defamation lawsuit against TheDirty.com. The cheerleader, who is also a school teacher, alleges the gossip site– run by Armen Tanzarian Hooman Karamian a/ka/ Nik Richie– falsely claimed she was exposed to two venereal diseases by a philandering boyfriend. The woman, identified only as “Jane Doe” in the suit, is referred to as “Sarah” in the offending post:

Her ex Nate.. cheated on her with over 50 girls in 4 yrs.. in that time he tested positive for Chlamydia Infection and Gonorrhea.. so im sure Sarah also has both.. whats worse is he brags about doing sarah in the gym.. football field.. her class room

Those a-holes at the Dirty stole from us once, so I’m not linking the post in question– but even a yellow-belt in Google-Fu can find it. Also, regarding this dude Nate… dirty pool, mister.

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NO MAILBAG THIS WEEK. Our apologies, as we know that it’s crunch time for those of you in the fantasy playoffs and others who are trying to get laid over the holidays.

However, we will offer alternative programming: send us your angry fantasy football rants about this season, with a focus on the gut-wrenching loss that knocked you out of the playoffs or kept you from reaching them. Make the subject line “Fantasy Football Bitching”. The best three submissions will be posted on Thursday, and the winners will get… ummm… a small sense of accomplishment?

Scheduling Advisory: NO MAILBAG THIS WEEK. We apologize for the inconvenience. Consider it our bye week. In the meantime, please look to Savage Love and Roto Arcade for your sex and fantasy football advice needs. Enjoy your Thanksgiving and this NSFW Pirelli calendar with naked supermodels, and don’t forget to set your lineup tonight.

NO DICK, WE’RE NOT HIRING. Dick Jauron was fired by the Buffalo Bills yesterday. And yet Charlie Weis is free to graze around South Bend without so much as a cattle prod. Too bad for Jauron; his teams always seemed so well-prepared. And they had such depth. And they routinely play in such pleasant conditions. the monolith.

She’s gone from suck to blow. Graphic designer Ken Carbone picked out the NFL’s three worst helmets (Pats, Bucs, Redskins) and crafted some truly inspired insipid redesigns. His vision for the Redskins is meant to resemble a Native American’s headdress, but really it looks like the current helmet died and sprouted wings. Now if the Redskins were to abandon their current look–which wouldn’t be the worst idea–I would hope that they’d draw inspiration from some of the better designs of their past, rather than their worst. [Fast Company via Kottke]

SUICIDE POOL UPDATE: 244 people are still perfect through eight weeks; that’s about 18 percent of our original suicide poolers. And yeah, there’s a better-than-average chance that there will be more than one competitor standing when we run out of regular-season games. If that happens, we’ll probably just hold a random draw for prizes, which will include a signed copy of Ape’s book, some awesomely low-tech football game, and other stuff. You can view the pool here, and we’ll have another update when the herd starts to thin out a bit more.

“My dad would have known I didn’t mean to offend anybody.” The Kansas City Chiefs have told running back Larry Johnson to sit out the next few plays following his embarrassing Twitter meltdown on Sunday night. [KC Star]

UPDATE: The Chiefs are releasing Larry Johnson. [RealGM via SB Nation]

Image via The Sporting Blog