Oh, Lord.

Dear God, give me the strength to get through this.

I’m asking you, Dear Lord, to have mercy on my poor soul.

Because damn if this isn’t the strongest motherfucking shit I have EVER smoked.

Oh, man. Good fucking Jesus. I feel like everything’s blinking!

(phone rings)

Aw, man! Fuck! I was concentrating on my high, god dammit!

(pick up phone)

Who is it?

Lawyer: Michael, it’s your lawyer.

Mr. Perry Mason man! How the fuck you doin’?

Lawyer: Michael, we’ve made a plea bargain. You’re going to have to go to jail.

Do I get to pass GO?

Lawyer: No, no, no. This is real, Michael. You’re actually going to jail. Your career may very well be over.

(processes)

(processes)

(processes)

Say what you really mean, man. Your whole legal shit is maing the left side of my head go numb. Where are my spicy fries?

Lawyer: Michael, I’m sorry. Sentencing is next week.

Next week?

Lawyer: Yes.

So I don’t have to deal with this shit until then?

Lawyer: Well, no. I guess not.

Well then, life is pretty good. You know what I just got into, Mr. Lawyer man?

Ant farms. They’re fucking crazy, man. Look at all those fucking ants. And it looks like a real farm! Hello? Hello?

Photo courtesy of the Onion.