The Niners defense is already on my good side for putting up 39 points in fantasy last week, which almost single-handedly gave me a victory over Ufford. Nevermind that they might have a hard time duplicating that feat against a team not as surpassingly awful as the Rams, I still dig ‘em, but mostly because criminally unrecognized linebacker Patrick Willis don’t mess with none of them womenfolk who try to get in the way of his video gaming.

Cosmo: What’s something a woman might say that would turn you off?
Patrick: “If she said she doesn’t like men who play video games, that would be a problem. I’m a video game fanatic!”

YEAH – AIN’T NO PUSSY GOOD ENOUGH TO STOP ME FROM GETTING THE NEW GRAND THEFT AUTO DLC LATER THIS MONTH! YOU GET TO PARACHUTE IN THAT JOINT! I CAN’T PARACHUTE INTO NO PUSSY! YOU GET PUSSYCHUTES, MAYBE WE TALK!

I also greatly anticipate what will likely be a minimum 30 cutaway shots to the finally signed Michael Crabtree on the sidelines during this game. Which hilariously dated cultural icon will be joining him today?

I’m also a little concerned that the Falcons seem to be the overwhelming consensus choice to win this game. DON’T PEOPLE KNOW SHAUN HILL IS 7-0 AS A STARTER IN CANDLESTICK?

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