Brad Childress will only rush him once every three plays inside the opponent’s one-yard-line, but Purple Jesus made the most of his opportunity to flatten Steelers cornerback William Gay (says flubby: FROM… LOUISVILLE!) Of course, Peterson’s truckage was wasted a few plays later when Brett Favre and Chester Taylor conspired to put the ball in Keyaron Fox’s chest* and cost Minnesota the game.

*”Really all the refs’ fault” – bitchy Vikings fans

A reader sent this screencap of sudden receiving threat Miles Austin showing off his ghastly shark-like teeth yesterday. Truly disturbing. It’s like he swallowed the Vampire Fleshlight.

I don’t need to tell any regular reader of KSK what’s in store for them after the jump.

Were we enterprising folk, we’d make moutheyes costumes for Halloween. But we’re not. Or at least possibly merciful about inflicting nightmares on others. No, that can’t be it. Lazy it is.

Because those of us who root for teams that don’t sign Favre in a desperate and misguided attempt at getting a title never have our feelings conflicted. We can still delight in all his failings, especially when they finally surface against our (my) favorite team

MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

/gets Mastodon and Queens of the Stone Age to disband only to ruin Drew’s day further

//includes consolation photo of Vikings jersey customized with the Peterson nickname Drew coined

Airbrushed motorcycles with Scarface and Steelers themes. Only available on display outside Jerome Bettis’ bar and in every exurban shopping mall food court in the country.

And of all the lazy name plate replacements I’ve seen on mid-’90s pre-Steelers-uniform-design Kordell Stewart jerseys, this one is at least among the top 10 most generic.

NEW YORK- Sources within the commissioner’s office report that Roger Goodell is launching an internal investigation into the possible gang related activities of NFL superstar Adrian Peterson. Suspicions arose when images of the Minnesota Vikings running back surfaced on the internet blog site Gobbler Country showed him holding a large firearm alongside his similarly attired friends.

While Peterson’s associates cannot be identified in the photos it’s apparent by their matching outfits that they are a fellow members of the football player’s illicit organization. Gangs such as Peterson’s typically feature specific colors by which members are recognized and rivals are identified. In this case the Commissioner’s office has reason to believe Peterson has started a camouflage gang, all the better to stay hidden from authorities while remaining in plain sight.

No one within the NFL could be reached for comment.

[Gobbler Country]

The last time Philly appeared in the playoffs, we got “Fuck Da Eagles” girl. While it’s unlikely that Minnesota has a decent equivalent, we live in hope.

This is likely to be a dazzling spectacle of horrible coaching, one that future Romeos and Marinellis will write length dissertations on during their senior year at the School of Kotite. Seriously, what possessed the NFL to give Philly and Minnesota the marquee time slot of the weekend. This is the least exciting match-up of the bunch. Dicks.

—–Email Message—–
Sent: Monday, November 5, 2007 11:13 AM
Subject: Months

And October. And June.

—–Email Message—–
Sent: Tuesday, November 6, 2007 9:26 PM
Subject: Fitty

Sucks I’m out for the season. I finally have someone I identify with on this team.

—–Email Message—–
Sent: Tuesday, November 6, 2007 10:06 PM
Subject: Fitty 2

Shame that I’m not. Now Boldin gets all my throws and prayers.

I nominate the following name changes:

Make it so.

Works for me. Hey Childress, this is what happens when you let the best player on your team play more than 40% of the snaps. Fucking dumbfuck.

Allow me to rephrase that: HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. To recap, this is what doctors predicted:

And this is what’s going on:

Yeah yeah yeah, the doctors get some credit too, but there is no denying that Kevin Everett is about as measty as a human being can be. Stay tuned for next week’s Everett update, in which he does one-armed push-ups and satisfies a nurse and a candy striper simultaneously.

There was plenty of meastiness around the rest of the NFL this week, to the point that we actually felt the need to recognize several of the individual efforts we witnessed.

Third runner-up is Marion Barber, whose two-yard, two-point-saving run is reminiscent of Barry Sanders — if Barry ran over people instead of around them:

Second runner-up: Devin Hester. With two 80-yard-plus scores, Hester reiterated that (a) all offensive plays should be designed to get him the ball until Cedric Benson can get more than two yards a carry, and (b) any special teams coach who elects to kick to him is interested in working elsewhere next year.

Our first runner-up is vintage 2006 LaDainian Tomlinson, who torched the Raiders for 198 yards and all four Chargers touchdowns. Fun fact: Dan Shanoff has LT2/LDT in our Yahoo! fantasy league, and he still lost.

Predictably, here’s this week’s Meast:

We needn’t go over numbers or game impact here; however, I feel compelled to respond to Michael David Smith’s missive (or should I say dismissive?) that asked Is Adrian Peterson Overrated?

Now, I craft my responses to fellow bloggers carefully. The person known as “Matt Ufford” is a surprisingly affable sort who rarely, if ever, publishes a negative response to a neighbor in the blogorhood.

Captain Caveman, however, is a real asshole.

And as Captain Caveman, on behalf of the KSK Gay Mafia, I can say, “Hey, MDS. Slate called. They were looking for a contrarian poindexter to stir up pointless debate.” And so we respond to the Tim Duncan of blogging, FanHouse’s blandly efficient MVP, thusly: No, Adrian Peterson is not overrated. He’s really fucking good. He’s called PURPLE JESUS for a reason.

You godless heathen.

GIVE PURPLE JESUS THE FUCKING ROCK, YOU STUPID BALD FUCK!

Jesus Christ. I hope Ragnar drives over your goddamn head.