Brad Childress will only rush him once every three plays inside the opponent’s one-yard-line, but Purple Jesus made the most of his opportunity to flatten Steelers cornerback William Gay (says flubby: FROM… LOUISVILLE!) Of course, Peterson’s truckage was wasted a few plays later when Brett Favre and Chester Taylor conspired to put the ball in Keyaron Fox’s chest* and cost Minnesota the game.
A reader sent this screencap of sudden receiving threat Miles Austin showing off his ghastly shark-like teeth yesterday. Truly disturbing. It’s like he swallowed the Vampire Fleshlight.
I don’t need to tell any regular reader of KSK what’s in store for them after the jump.
Because those of us who root for teams that don’t sign Favre in a desperate and misguided attempt at getting a title never have our feelings conflicted. We can still delight in all his failings, especially when they finally surface against our (my) favorite team
MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
/gets Mastodon and Queens of the Stone Age to disband only to ruin Drew’s day further
//includes consolation photo of Vikings jersey customized with the Peterson nickname Drew coined
Airbrushed motorcycles with Scarface and Steelers themes. Only available on display outside Jerome Bettis’ bar and in every exurban shopping mall food court in the country.
And of all the lazy name plate replacements I’ve seen on mid-’90s pre-Steelers-uniform-design Kordell Stewart jerseys, this one is at least among the top 10 most generic.
NEW YORK- Sources within the commissioner’s office report that Roger Goodell is launching an internal investigation into the possible gang related activities of NFL superstar Adrian Peterson. Suspicions arose when images of the Minnesota Vikings running back surfaced on the internet blog site Gobbler Country showed him holding a large firearm alongside his similarly attired friends.
While Peterson’s associates cannot be identified in the photos it’s apparent by their matching outfits that they are a fellow members of the football player’s illicit organization. Gangs such as Peterson’s typically feature specific colors by which members are recognized and rivals are identified. In this case the Commissioner’s office has reason to believe Peterson has started a camouflage gang, all the better to stay hidden from authorities while remaining in plain sight.
No one within the NFL could be reached for comment.
The last time Philly appeared in the playoffs, we got “Fuck Da Eagles” girl. While it’s unlikely that Minnesota has a decent equivalent, we live in hope.
This is likely to be a dazzling spectacle of horrible coaching, one that future Romeos and Marinellis will write length dissertations on during their senior year at the School of Kotite. Seriously, what possessed the NFL to give Philly and Minnesota the marquee time slot of the weekend. This is the least exciting match-up of the bunch. Dicks.
It’s an unfortunate world we live in when someone feels so hemmed in by the pressures of society that the only way they feel they can confide in someone is to mail an artfully constructed postcard to some dude in Germantown, MD who packages them together and sells them in bounded collections. Well, the NFL is even more harsh and doubly forbidding of confession, but those struggling with it can always turn to NFL PostSecret. At least we aren’t making money off their pain. That’s only for the league to do.
NFL PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where players and coaches or whoever I feel like making fun of mails in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. It’s also a satire of this.
—–Email Message—– Sent: Sunday, November 11, 2007 10:33 PM
Lights out.
—–Email Message—– Sent: Monday, November 12, 2007 12:57 PM
:)
—–Email Message—– Sent: Monday, November 12, 2007 6:57 AM
It’s an unfortunate world we live in when someone feels so hemmed in by the pressures of society that the only way they feel they can confide in someone is to mail an artfully constructed postcard to some dude in Germantown, MD who packages them together and sells them in bounded collections. Well, the NFL is even more harsh and doubly forbidding of confession, but those struggling with it can always turn to NFL PostSecret. At least we aren’t making money off their pain. That’s only for the league to do. NFL PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where players and coaches or whoever I feel like making fun of mails in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. It’s also a satire of this.
—–Email Message—– Sent: Monday, November 5, 2007 11:13 AM Subject: Months
This week’s Kevin Everett update is the best one yet: the Bills tight end with the broken neck is now walking on his own.
Allow me to rephrase that: HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. To recap, this is what doctors predicted:
And this is what’s going on:
Yeah yeah yeah, the doctors get some credit too, but there is no denying that Kevin Everett is about as measty as a human being can be. Stay tuned for next week’s Everett update, in which he does one-armed push-ups and satisfies a nurse and a candy striper simultaneously.
There was plenty of meastiness around the rest of the NFL this week, to the point that we actually felt the need to recognize several of the individual efforts we witnessed.
Third runner-up is Marion Barber, whose two-yard, two-point-saving run is reminiscent of Barry Sanders — if Barry ran over people instead of around them:
Second runner-up: Devin Hester. With two 80-yard-plus scores, Hester reiterated that (a) all offensive plays should be designed to get him the ball until Cedric Benson can get more than two yards a carry, and (b) any special teams coach who elects to kick to him is interested in working elsewhere next year.
Our first runner-up is vintage 2006 LaDainian Tomlinson, who torched the Raiders for 198 yards and all four Chargers touchdowns. Fun fact: Dan Shanoff has LT2/LDT in our Yahoo! fantasy league, and he still lost.
Predictably, here’s this week’s Meast:
We needn’t go over numbers or game impact here; however, I feel compelled to respond to Michael David Smith’s missive (or should I say dismissive?) that asked Is Adrian Peterson Overrated?
Now, I craft my responses to fellow bloggers carefully. The person known as “Matt Ufford” is a surprisingly affable sort who rarely, if ever, publishes a negative response to a neighbor in the blogorhood.
Captain Caveman, however, is a real asshole.
And as Captain Caveman, on behalf of the KSK Gay Mafia, I can say, “Hey, MDS. Slate called. They were looking for a contrarian poindexter to stir up pointless debate.” And so we respond to the Tim Duncan of blogging, FanHouse’s blandly efficient MVP, thusly: No, Adrian Peterson is not overrated. He’s really fucking good. He’s called PURPLE JESUS for a reason.
Thinking about which play to call, coach? Thinking about a shotgun lateral dumpoff pass on 3rd and 1? I bet you are. Let me just give you a little piece of advice. You see the big strong kid wearing #28 over there on the bench? You know, the one who averaged 11 yards a carry on the afternoon? The guy who only got 2 carries in the second half? The only good player on your offense? The one you apparently assume is made of peanut brittle? The only thing about this season that’s keeping me from drinking a gallon of rubber cement? THE ONE YOU HAD RETURNING KICKS LIKE HE WAS DAVID FUCKING PALMER? Here’s a wild idea for you:
GIVE PURPLE JESUS THE FUCKING ROCK, YOU STUPID BALD FUCK!
Jesus Christ. I hope Ragnar drives over your goddamn head.
