There are some alterations afoot with the KSK commenting system and live blogs. As is this is a fairly cut-and-dry housecleaning post devoid of dick jokes and full of scary change, we’ll leave all the sordid details after the jump.

The chronological order comments are presented has been flipped. To wit: the most recent comment now appears at the top of the comment section, as opposed to the bottom or within the acknowledgments of Drew’s book. FIRSTIES WILL GIVE WAY TO LASTIES. This will take some getting used to for all involved, but then you got used to wiping your own ass; you can get used to this.

Real-time updated comment notification is on the way, meaning you won’t have to refresh the page to see new comments from other readers. They’ll just appear as if by Tebow magic. This is partially the reason why the comment order has been flipped, as the page will have to move down when new comments appear.

We’ve given 15 of our most consistently funny commenters the ability to post images and video in their comments. The Uproxx overlords are wary of granting this privilege to all registered commenters because they fear (read: are quite certain) someone (Mew Dragery) will just end up posting pictures of naked 12-year-olds. We’ll add people to the list as time goes on, as a reward for prolonged funniness and/or sucking up.

Just to sow resentment and jealousy, the 15 are: Otto Man, Upstate Underdog, Grimey, 0tarin, Moose, TH, StuScottBooyahs, porkythefirst, LastTexansFan, Enrico Pallazzo, William Charles Schneider, Crocshots, Small Man on Campus, Lord Revisisle, and Nippopotamus.

IrishCream: Please please please, I want to make the list. Grimey, did I make the list?
Grimey: You sure did!
IrishCream: I did! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! In your face, Otto Man!
Grimey: Wait a minute, are you Ken Griffey, Jr.?
IrishCream: No.
Grimey: Sorry. Didn’t mean to get your hopes up.

As for live blogs, we won’t be using the CoverItLive application anymore. While CoverItLive had the singular advantage of embeddable polls, it was otherwise a huge headache. Comments flew through the viewer window much too quickly for anyone to possibly keep up with what was going on, maybe because only three comments could be viewed in the window at any one time. Another problem was that only a maximum of 25 commenters could be granted automatic approval rights, so a moderator had to sift through and manually approve comments from as many as 2,200 readers submitting comments in real time. This meant if, say, your dear moderator were to leave his computer to take a piss, hundreds of comments would go unapproved in that span and people would get irate. It was a clusterfuck every time.

In the future, we’ll utilize the model that the Uproxx main page has used with its “Archer” live blogs. On its face, this format more closely resembles our open threads, but once all the new features are in place, it should run much more smoothly and coherently. KSK will have one of these going for each half during the Super Bowl. We have plans to get special guests involved with the live blogs, but that won’t come to fruition until the draft.

[pic via]

We here at KSK recently conducted a bit of audience research, which garnered a host of helpful suggestions, such as “please, more hardcore porn links in the live blog”, “how about a Gerald Sensabaugh KSKharacter?”, “wouldn’t it be awesome if Drew got time travel powers?” and “you should win stuff by reading”.

We laughed uproariously at all of them. Just horrible, horrible ideas. But then our Uproxx overlords said we need to do something to promote the new commenting system that has been implemented on the network, which includes lofty-nifty features like sign-up using Facebook or Twitter, universal log-in on any Uproxx site and user profiles with clickable avatars. Coming soon, we’ll have direct messaging capability between commenters, threaded comment replying and even badges and awards for great commenting that Otto Man will probably win on a weekly basis.

Anyway, we meekly acceded to our overlords’ demands as we were being whipped back into the blog mines. In a related development: It now turns out you will be able to win things by reading! And not just a copy of whichever book one of us is hawking at that particular moment. Something you actually want!

So here’s the deal: We’re giving out a $250 Amazon gift card to a registered reader who submits the best caption in the comments for the image included after the jump. For further reference, see the similar contests going on at the Uproxx flagship site and at Gammasquad.

MORE RULES

- UPROXX network employees and contributors are prohibited from winning. Rule is also arbitrarily expanded to include Josh Zerkle. And we won’t allow Unsilent to rig this one for Sarah Schorno.

- You have until 7 p.m. Sunday to claim your prize. If you’ve won, you’ll be notified by email on Friday October 14, 2011. The winner then has until the end of the late games Sunday to reply to the email notification. If a winner doesn’t respond by that time, another will be chosen.

Here it is. Make with the funny.

NFL Films did a typically excellent job with the first installment of the Bill Belichick documentary series. It’s a well-done, insightful look into the monomaniacal life of the Spite King of The Hobos. The problem is, “Hard Knocks” spoiled us by making audiences accustomed to documentary subjects who actually have personalities. Whereas Rex Ryan gave stirring, memorable speeches that we’ll quote through the ages, Belichick deadpans brittle platitudes and coldly lists team shortcomings. Rex appeared briefly in the first episode tonight, if only as a source of trash talk against the Patriots. Belichick is asked for a response by a reporter over the phone, whereupon he stammers for about 20 seconds before brushing off the question. GREAT TELEVISION. LOFTY TELEVISION. That he lacks a way with words and human feeling doesn’t make Grumblelord a lesser coach, obviously, just a far more boring one. And really, is anyone shocked that that’s how Belicheat actually is? Of course not.

It’s great viewing if your idea of humanizing portrait is a coach disdainfully eating melon while conducting phone interviews with reporters, playing golf in jeans and crying about how much he misses spending all of his time watching film and being berated by Bill Parcells in the Giants team headquarters way back when. In the end, Belichick is still football culture’s platonic ideal of an NFL coach: lifeless, uncaring and obsessed with minutiae. But he’s fantastically successful so he gets a documentary series. It’s about as fun to watch as it probably is to experience. Which is to say, not very much. Like I said, unprecedented access that was rewarded by a good job putting it together. The part where Brady and Belichick sat in the coach’s office and scouted the Ravens defense was legitimately illuminating, but I could have mostly done without the rest.

Quick KSK programming note: Because I’ll be attending Drew’s reading in NYC on Monday night, this week’s regularly scheduled live blog will instead be the Sunday night Eagles-Falcons game. It’ll be just like the time Brett Favre went back to play the Packers in Lambeau BUT BLACK.

SUPER IMPORTANT UPDATE: Commenter Stu Scott Booyahs has said he’s willing to run the live blogs while I’m busy making sure my apartment doesn’t get foreclosed on. LIVEBLOGMAS IS SAVED!!!!

Ray Lewis: “Tom’s not really hurt. It’s all a big set up.” [Rest of the world makes dismissive wanking motion] “I don’t know where those bodies came from. Honest.” [CBS films 30th puff piece this year about his religion, makes sure to mention how he got Ray Rice a Bible for Christmas] “The refs are gonna screw us. It’s a conspiracy.”

Tom Brady: “Cool with me.”

Programming note: We’re liveblogging the two Sunday games. You’re on your own for Saturday. Sorry. You’ll somehow have to make do with playoff football without an Internet chat running concurrently. Or you can just leave comments in the open thread. Your call.

In retrospect, it’s really sad we didn’t have a liveblog of last night’s game. Yes, it was one of those grinding low scoring affairs that people who fetishize offense always complain about. But then there were also FIVE CUTLERF*CKER SULKERCEPTIONS! TWO IN THE ENDZONE! A VERITABLE BONANZA OF KKAKE-INFUSED SCHADENFREUDE! And it’s doubly disappointing because we are absolutely committed to not touching the abortion that is the Ravens and the Browns on Monday night (sorry, but we do it out of compassion for our regulars, so they need not feel compelled to tune in) so it looks like we’re on for Carolina and Miami next Thursday. Wait, that’s no good either. I’m not dealing with a third live blog with 50,000 Wildcat jokes in 10 weeks. Screw it, we’ll just do BradyManningfest on Sunday night. Book it.

Also, a reminder that my D.C. reception and reading for my book is at 18th Amendment on Capitol Hill from 5:30-7:30 p.m. on Thursday. The reading will be closer to 7, so don’t feel obligated to show up early and awkwardly hang around with me and my friends and family. Afterward, we’ll head three blocks down the street to watch the season opener.

*May not actually exist

By popular demand, KSK will be liveblogging the SNF Cutlerfucker-Marmalard showdown this week. But that’s not all! We’ll also be liveblogging every game Wild Card weekend. Why? Because even though you call me a homerific hack every other comment, I love you guys. Okay, that’s a lie. I’ll be watching the games and drinking anyway and I need to share my witty banter with someone, because my cat certainly doesn’t properly appreciate it (stupid bitch).