There are some alterations afoot with the KSK commenting system and live blogs. As is this is a fairly cut-and-dry housecleaning post devoid of dick jokes and full of scary change, we’ll leave all the sordid details after the jump.

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We here at KSK recently conducted a bit of audience research, which garnered a host of helpful suggestions, such as “please, more hardcore porn links in the live blog”, “how about a Gerald Sensabaugh KSKharacter?”, “wouldn’t it be awesome if Drew got time travel powers?” and “you should win stuff by reading”.

We laughed uproariously at all of them. Just horrible, horrible ideas. But then our Uproxx overlords said we need to do something to promote the new commenting system that has been implemented on the network, which includes lofty-nifty features like sign-up using Facebook or Twitter, universal log-in on any Uproxx site and user profiles with clickable avatars. Coming soon, we’ll have direct messaging capability between commenters, threaded comment replying and even badges and awards for great commenting that Otto Man will probably win on a weekly basis.

Anyway, we meekly acceded to our overlords’ demands as we were being whipped back into the blog mines. In a related development: It now turns out you will be able to win things by reading! And not just a copy of whichever book one of us is hawking at that particular moment. Something you actually want!

So here’s the deal: We’re giving out a $250 Amazon gift card to a registered reader who submits the best caption in the comments for the image included after the jump. For further reference, see the similar contests going on at the Uproxx flagship site and at Gammasquad.

MORE RULES

- UPROXX network employees and contributors are prohibited from winning. Rule is also arbitrarily expanded to include Josh Zerkle. And we won’t allow Unsilent to rig this one for Sarah Schorno.

- You have until 7 p.m. Sunday to claim your prize. If you’ve won, you’ll be notified by email on Friday October 14, 2011. The winner then has until the end of the late games Sunday to reply to the email notification. If a winner doesn’t respond by that time, another will be chosen.

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NFL Films did a typically excellent job with the first installment of the Bill Belichick documentary series. It’s a well-done, insightful look into the monomaniacal life of the Spite King of The Hobos. The problem is, “Hard Knocks” spoiled us by making audiences accustomed to documentary subjects who actually have personalities. Whereas Rex Ryan gave stirring, memorable speeches that we’ll quote through the ages, Belichick deadpans brittle platitudes and coldly lists team shortcomings. Rex appeared briefly in the first episode tonight, if only as a source of trash talk against the Patriots. Belichick is asked for a response by a reporter over the phone, whereupon he stammers for about 20 seconds before brushing off the question. GREAT TELEVISION. LOFTY TELEVISION. That he lacks a way with words and human feeling doesn’t make Grumblelord a lesser coach, obviously, just a far more boring one. And really, is anyone shocked that that’s how Belicheat actually is? Of course not.

It’s great viewing if your idea of humanizing portrait is a coach disdainfully eating melon while conducting phone interviews with reporters, playing golf in jeans and crying about how much he misses spending all of his time watching film and being berated by Bill Parcells in the Giants team headquarters way back when. In the end, Belichick is still football culture’s platonic ideal of an NFL coach: lifeless, uncaring and obsessed with minutiae. But he’s fantastically successful so he gets a documentary series. It’s about as fun to watch as it probably is to experience. Which is to say, not very much. Like I said, unprecedented access that was rewarded by a good job putting it together. The part where Brady and Belichick sat in the coach’s office and scouted the Ravens defense was legitimately illuminating, but I could have mostly done without the rest.

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BAD NEWS, EVERYONE! It is with a heavy heart and bloated entrails that I must inform you dears readers that KSK will not be (YES WE WILL!) live blogging any games this coming regular season. Carrying out my other job as evening editor at SB Nation makes it impossible for me to handle both tasks at the same time. And frankly, none of the other KSK writers really want to take on that workload, either. Lucky for you, there’s this thing called Twitter, which is essentially an ongoing live blog ALL THE TIME FOR EVERYTHING. If you follow the official KSK feed, you’ll be treated to the same warmed-over lazy commentary you’ve come to expect from the live blog. And should anything screencap or YouTube-worthy happen during the games, I’ll be chained to my computer over at SBN, so don’t you worry your pretty little head none.

SUPER IMPORTANT UPDATE: Commenter Stu Scott Booyahs has said he’s willing to run the live blogs while I’m busy making sure my apartment doesn’t get foreclosed on. LIVEBLOGMAS IS SAVED!!!!

LIVE BLOGS? REMEMBER THOSE? WELL, THEY’RE BACK! THAT’S RIGHT! THE MAINSTAY OF YOUR CHILDHOOD IN THE HEADY DAYS OF THE 2009 NFL REGULAR SEASON ARE MAKING A COMEBACK! THIS THURSDAY NIGHT, THE COVERAGE OF THE FIRST ROUND OF THE NFL DRAFT WILL BE ALTERED DRAMATICALLY THANKS TO VINTAGE LIVE BLOGIFICATION TECHNOLOGY. JUST LIKE YOUR MOM USED TO MAKE ON SICK DAYS! YOU CAN RELIVE IT! FEEL YOUNG AGAIN! GET A SECOND CHANCE ON ALL THE MISTAKES YOU MADE!

Ray Lewis: “Tom’s not really hurt. It’s all a big set up.” [Rest of the world makes dismissive wanking motion] “I don’t know where those bodies came from. Honest.” [CBS films 30th puff piece this year about his religion, makes sure to mention how he got Ray Rice a Bible for Christmas] “The refs are gonna screw us. It’s a conspiracy.”

Tom Brady: “Cool with me.”

Programming note: We’re liveblogging the two Sunday games. You’re on your own for Saturday. Sorry. You’ll somehow have to make do with playoff football without an Internet chat running concurrently. Or you can just leave comments in the open thread. Your call.

In retrospect, it’s really sad we didn’t have a liveblog of last night’s game. Yes, it was one of those grinding low scoring affairs that people who fetishize offense always complain about. But then there were also FIVE CUTLERF*CKER SULKERCEPTIONS! TWO IN THE ENDZONE! A VERITABLE BONANZA OF KKAKE-INFUSED SCHADENFREUDE! And it’s doubly disappointing because we are absolutely committed to not touching the abortion that is the Ravens and the Browns on Monday night (sorry, but we do it out of compassion for our regulars, so they need not feel compelled to tune in) so it looks like we’re on for Carolina and Miami next Thursday. Wait, that’s no good either. I’m not dealing with a third live blog with 50,000 Wildcat jokes in 10 weeks. Screw it, we’ll just do BradyManningfest on Sunday night. Book it.

EVEN MORE OVERLONG COLUMNS ABOUT FOOTBALL! Today saw the debut of “The Designed Rush“, my weekly NFL column at The Sporting Blog, which will run each Tuesday. And while I get to beat Drew to “press” each week (only because Mrs. Drew takes until Wednesday to get around to cleaning the caked-on bacon paste off her husband’s typing wand) he gets to do things like Nazi Shark at Deadspin (who, by the way, just adored this video). Me? At the more stodgy TSB, I can only get away with the Khmer Rouge Raptors* (Asian and a raptor! Double the evil genius! Also works in packs! For cheap!).

Also, a reminder that my D.C. reception and reading for my book is at 18th Amendment on Capitol Hill from 5:30-7:30 p.m. on Thursday. The reading will be closer to 7, so don’t feel obligated to show up early and awkwardly hang around with me and my friends and family. Afterward, we’ll head three blocks down the street to watch the season opener.

*May not actually exist

I Liked Football in the Groin Because It Had a Football in the Groin. Per the numerous physical threats on my person that I received during the Pro Bowl live blog, I have agreed to live blog the Oscars this Sunday. Here. On this vulgar football blog. Because nothing appeals to gay mafias like pointless award shows (You know Milk is getting Best Picture because the Hollywood gay mafia is still upset that Crash beat out Brokeback in ’06. Actually, that’s not true. It’ll probably go to lame-ass Benjamin Button. Because the Oscars fucking suck.). Also, it’s supposed to be totally different this year and not the usual overlong snoozefest where they get everything wrong.

By popular demand, KSK will be liveblogging the SNF Cutlerfucker-Marmalard showdown this week. But that’s not all! We’ll also be liveblogging every game Wild Card weekend. Why? Because even though you call me a homerific hack every other comment, I love you guys. Okay, that’s a lie. I’ll be watching the games and drinking anyway and I need to share my witty banter with someone, because my cat certainly doesn’t properly appreciate it (stupid bitch).