Five days after their much discussed dinner meeting, NFL commish Roger Goodell and Player’s Union head honcho DeMaurice Smith were spotted dining out on the town. If last week’s rendezvous was all-business, last night’s get-together was a far more intimate affair. Our spies at Katsuya report that the two were canoodling over plates of crispy rice with spicy tuna and enough cool sake to keep the conversation flowing well into the evening.

After discussing labor negotiations over drinks, the NFL’s hottest new couple moved on to other topics, like their favorite movies (Goodell adores Love, Actually, and Smith gushes over everything John Hughes). While we’re not sure any progress was made on the lockout front, we’re told they did agree to meet for a private weekend summit in Vermont while the pair shared in the Hollywood eatery’s famed chocolate “lover” cake.

Following dessert Goodell and Smith departed in separate cars, only to be seen reconnecting later that night poolside at The Standard. The ruddy Goodell sipped a beer, while his new friend splurged on a champagne cocktail. Not too shabby considering their combined income of $2.

With the lockout remaining in effect for the time being more and more teams have been organizing player only workouts. While some players don’t see much of a point to the exercise, more and more players are embracing the activity. For starters, it’s a great way to generate positive press, especially when compared to the alternative.

At the very least it seems like a good way to improve camaraderie and achieve some sort of off-season normalcy. But what is actually going on at these gatherings? Are they running through regular off-season drills or getting together to toss the ball around like regular old Turkey Bowlers?

Continue after the jump for an exclusive look at the schedule for the Giants team mini-camp hosted by none other than Eli Manning.
Read the rest of this entry »

Tom Brady has added “ugly chick boots” to his ongoing list (along with “long, pretty hair”) of things he’s doing to cancel out the manliness of winning three Super Bowls and marrying a Brazilian supermodel. *shakes dice* C’monnnnn MAKE OUT WITH WELKER!

UGG Australia announced today that it is partnering with NFL superstar Tom Brady of the New England Patriots to launch its first men’s marketing initiative. The multi-year collaboration between the three-time Super Bowl champion and the brand will include Brady’s casual footwear as well as select outerwear and accessories. [press release]

“Hi, Tom Brady here. Take it from me: UGGs don’t just offer unparalleled comfort while making your legs look shorter and your ankles fat, they’re also great in the bedroom!”

Read the rest of this entry »

Wade: Well, I’ll be. Look at that!

(looks at self in full body mirror)

Wade, you old coot! You done dropped thirty pounds! Gall dangit, that is somethin’. Loooong overdue, I tell ya. I feel great! I’ve got much more energy, and my dang feet ain’t so sore at the end of the day.

I tell you what. When those players see the work I put into dropping this weight, they’ll be inspired to work their keesters off for this season. I think this is a great first step. And nothin’s gonna keep me from goin’ back to the way I was. No, siree. No chance of that happening.

(hears rumble)

What’s that sound?

(rumble grows stronger)

Uh oh…

Read the rest of this entry »

The above Photoshop comes from our intermittent but terrifying mouth-eyes meme, and it owes at least some inspiration from the Corinthian, the most memorable nightmare from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman series.

While the headline image is of my own creation, many KSK readers responded to our call for JaMarcus Photoshops in Monday’s post, and I’m proud to share the best of the submissions below. Thanks to all who took the time to take part in the fun.

Read the rest of this entry »

Jim Schwartz is very excited about his new rookie running back. “Some people watch adult videos on their computer. I go to YouTube and watch Jahvid Best highlight clips. That’s what gets me aroused.” That and “Teddy Graham people.” [Free Press via Detroit 4 Lyfe]

Name: Mike Kafka
Age: “Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”

On Leadership: “By imposing too great a responsibility, or rather, all responsibility, on yourself, you crush yourself.”

On The Importance of Combine Workouts: “Let me remind you of the old maxim: people under suspicion are better moving than at rest, since at rest they may be sitting in the balance without knowing it, being weighed together with their sins.”

On Quarterbacking Philosophy: “A man of action forced into a state of thought is unhappy until he can get out of it.”

On Pocket Presence: “Hiding places there are innumerable, escape is only one, but possibilities of escape, again, are as many as hiding places.”

On Party Life In the NFL: “My peers, lately, have found companionship through means of intoxication – it makes them sociable. I, however, cannot force myself to use drugs to cheat on my loneliness – it is all that I have – and when the drugs and alcohol dissipate, will be all that my peers have as well.”

On Road Beef: “Evil is whatever distracts.”

On the Importance of Proper Crotch Protection: “God gives the nuts, but he does not crack them.”

On Bill Belichick: “One must not cheat anyone, not even the world of its victory.”

On the Possibility of Playing For Rex Ryan: “So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being.”

On the Collective Bargaining Agreement: “Tyranny or slavery, born of selfishness, are the two educational methods of parents; all gradations of tyranny or slavery.”

On the Media: “Writers speak stench.”

Fears: “Dread of night. Dread of not-night.”

Immediate Impact: “Hesitation before birth. If there is a transmigration of souls then I am not yet on the bottom rung. My life is a hesitation before birth.”

Down the Road: “A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die.”

Strength: Fearless in the face of a killer.
Weakness: Driving

Definitive on-field highlight video:

Mainstream Media Comparison: Richard Seymour
KSK Comparison: Kevin Williams

Who Wants Him: Everybody
Who Will Take Him: The Rams, unless they do something truly retarded.

Story ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: How many spears does he really keep in his home?

Immediate Impact: Rams still suck.
Down the Road: Rams still suck. But at least they have a good defensive line.

Image
Bonus image

(Christmas Eve)

Santa: Oh, dear! This storm doesn’t seem to be letting up!

Mrs. Claus: Papa, why you so worried? Here. I make-a you-a nice SCUNGILLI. With the pepperoncini.

Santa: Oh, thanks mama!

Mrs. Claus: That’s-a my Santa!

Santa: Oh, I feel bad for all the little children out there tonight. This storm is the worst we’ve EVER faced! Even Rudolph’s nose isn’t bright enough to cut through this much snow and ice! I’m afraid… we may have to cancel Christmas.

Mrs. Claus: But papa! You-a never cancel-a the Christmas! You need-a fresh-a pepper on your chicken parmagnana!

Santa: Well, I just don’t know how we’re going to deliver all these presents in this kind of weather!

(knock on the door)

Voice: Open up! It’s not a fit night out for man nor beast! NOR ROBERTO HUMIDOR!

Santa: Well, who could that be? Mama, could you get the door?

Mrs. Claus: Of course. And I-a bring-a you-a some fresh SALTIMBOCCA.

(door flies open, smell of egg nog farts wafts in)

Read the rest of this entry »

Over the weekend Ohioans from all over the state descended on Cedar Point to enjoy the rides and take part in the celebration of Brady Quinn Day. For one special young lady the day provided an opportunity to stand by gasping for air while the love of her life walked past her. Fortunately the Sandusky Register was there to capture her reaction to such a thrilling close encounter.

Read the rest of this entry »