One Day, This Infant Will Cheer The Crippling Of Tony Romo’s Unborn Child

10.30.11 Written by Christmas Ape

Sad state of affairs when a game between a 3-3 team and a 2-4 dream team constitutes the best primetime matchup we’ve seen in three weeks, but such is life in the big pre-flex scheduling city. The Cowboys are coming off a big win in which DeMarco Murray set a single-game Cowboys rushing record, which doubtlessly suckered millions of fantasy owners into starting him for the inevitable 38-yard follow-up performance this week (Yay, I’m one of those suckers!).

Andy Reid is 12-0 in games following a bye week, which is understandable. A week of gorging himself silly is just enough to temporarily sate Reid, freeing him of the distracting hunger pains responsible for maddeningly inept clock management. So the Eagles will probably win, and thus the storyline once again becomes how anyone in the NFL can possibly derail this almost .500 Philly juggernaut.

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02.08.11 Written by Monday Morning Punter

THE WHAT TO THE WHAT? Michael Vick was awarded the key to the city in Dallas. Mayor Pro Tem Dwaine Caraway bestowed the honor, because that’s what you do for a guy that’s gone 18 months without killing animals for sport. Not to beat a dead hound here, but is Vick really “key to the city” material? He may be that in Texas, where blasting people trying to rob your neighbor’s house is totally cool and Dubya can win 69 percent of the vote. I mean, how long can we keep Vick at arm’s length from society? And why stop with a key? Can’t we at least make him the ambassador to Egypt?

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Hater’s Guide to the Postseason: Philadelphia Eagles, NFC 3rd Seed

01.07.11 Written by Unsilent Majority

Hate restores us. Hate focuses us. Hate keeps us warm at night and spoons us if we so desire it. And no time is hate more powerful – more necessary – than the postseason, when those we despise are so close to getting what they want. I don’t get what I want, so f*ck those guys. There are countless reasons to hate anyone. Some of which you might not be aware. Or been made to realize that they are worthy of scorn. Well, you came to the right place. Allow us to guide you to the darkest recesses of the soul, where the streets run dark green with bile and everyone knows your embarrassing nickname.
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Andy Reid Delivers Your Latest Auto-Tune Fix

10.27.10 Written by Monday Morning Punter

There hasn’t been a decent auto-tune remix in, what, three weeks? I’m sure some of you out there are starting to get the shakes, so here’s Andy Reid talking about his quarterback situation with Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick (this was before Vick had the cartilage blasted from his torso. It’s not a five-star effort by any stretch, but it should get you through this rough patch, at least until someone else gets raped in Lincoln Park again.

What game was it this year when Andy Reid came out of the 2-minute warning, then called timeout at the line AND THEN TOOK A DELAY OF GAME before even getting a play out to his team? With game management like that, you could be playing Coy Koi Koy Detmer at quarterback and have similar levels of “success.”

HT: The Wiz Wit.

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Hater’s Guide To The Postseason – Philadelphia Eagles

01.07.10 Written by Unsilent Majority

f da eagles
What the shirt says.

If you find yourself confronted with an NFL postseason without a rooting interest and unmoved by Don Cheadle soliloquies, you must draw from the well of that most powerful of human emotions. Ok, well, lust probably won’t do here. But the second most powerful, hate, will serve as a fine proxy. This is one in a series of posts filled with bile, spleen, vitriol and all-around nastiness toward all the teams involved with the sordid roundelay we know as the NFL Playoffs.

You need a little extra incentive to hate the Eagles? Well then you should probably attend an Eagles game. In an effort to spare you that experience here are a few things that should inspire some ill-will.

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KSK 2009 NFL Prekkake: NFC East

08.28.09 Written by Unsilent Majority

good-hate

It’s that time of year again, when we’re so devoid of content that, rather than spending time covering Cutler’s attempt to make nice, we run through our predictably inaccurate prognostications for the upcoming year, division by division. Up next, it’s the NFC East, where every fan expects to go to the Super Bowl every year.

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08.13.09 Written by Unsilent Majority

vickMIKE VICK IS AN EAGLE. That’s what his agent is telling ESPN, anyway. So after all of that ridiculous speculation Vick winds up in a place that nobody was talking about all that much. I say it’s a good thing, after all Donovan McNabb was starting to get a bit too comfortable. And if anyone knows how to handle an ex-con in need of guidance its gotta be Andy Reid, right? I guess we’ll see. Vick’s deal lasts two years, although the terms haven’t been released. [ESPN] UPDATE: Jay Glazer reports the terms of the deal, $1.6 million for one year with a team option for the second year valued at $5.2 million.

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