For the second consecutive year, the Steelers play on the Monday night that the new Call of Duty game is released, which is less a coincidence in reality than it is on KSK, where Ben Roethlisberger’s KSKharacter is consumed with a single-minded obsession for the video game series. It’s really a shame that Ben isn’t openly a fan of CoD in real life. Treyarch was willing to let one famous athlete accused of rape in the commercial. What’s one more?

At least Roethlisberger might have enough sense to snipe Kimmel.

If you need some cheap manufactured drama for what is otherwise a barely interesting showdown of AFC North teams, remember that Chad Ochocinco in the off-season called the Steelers a “team of girls.” OOOHHH SNAPTACULAR! FEEL THE BURNINATION!

That probably didn’t do much to keep you glued in before Conan’s new show debuts at 11, so here are Peter King and Roger Goodell pictured today donning bibs and eating Skyline Chili. The key, dear commissioner, is nutmeg. Always nutmeg.

Oh, and here’s my Designed Rush feature at SB Nation, in case you haven’t gotten enough blather about Wade Phillips getting and gifs of Eagles fans flipping out.

At least there was some entertaining kicker fail at the end. Kris Brown will make sure the Texans finish 8-8 again if it’s the last thing he does in the NFL. Then there was the wondrous mixed metaphor by Jon Gruden, who said Vince Young “found his wheels and got on his horse.” Unless he’s referring to heroin that makes no sense. All told, not the worst game ever. Could have done without that Slaton touchdown though.

Mike Tomlin: Ben, glad to have you back at practice yesterday. Last time we played the Chargers, we outgained them almost two-to-one but only came away with nine points from the offense. Gotta improve on that.

Ben Roethlisberger: …

Mike Tomlin: Ben! You with me? I know you passed the memory test, but I’mma need you sharp out there. Can’t afford mental mistakes in the playoffs.

Ben!

BEN!

Roethlisberger: HEADSPOT FEELS GROGGY. TOO MUCH HEAD IN THE GROG

MUST…KEEP HEAD IN MULTIPLAYER GAME

Tomlin: Comrade! We must exterminate the scum that has laid waste to our homeland. Take your gun and strike them down!

Ben: AYE AYE COACH

Roethlisberger: HEINZ FIELD IN BETTER SHAPE THAN NORMAL. GOT MY PEW MACHINE READY. LET’S GREASE US SOME JAPS!

WAIT – I THOUGHT I WAS IN A RUSSIA STAGE! THIS WAR TAKING A TOLL ON THE BEN

WHAT’S IN THAT TREE!?

PEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEW

OH, THERE’S A TREE IN THAT TREE.

AAAAAHHHHHH NO, HOW’D THE JAPS RECRUIT YOU HINES? DON’T WANNA GREASE THE HINES. HE’S THE ONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO SCORE ME THE CHOCO TACO

HIT R2 BUTTON!

R2R2R2R2R2R2R2R2R2R2R2

WHEW – BROKE HINES TACKLE. THAT WAS TOO CLOSE

WHY THE NATE DAWG IN MY SCOPE? DON’T WANNA PEW HIM EITHER. THIS WAR IS TURNING STEELER AGAINST STEELER. THIS IS THE WORST TRIP THE BEN EVER BEEN ON.

[Mike Scifres pooch punts grenade at him]

LINEMEN PLEASE FALL ON GRENADE FOR THE BEN

PLEASE

LINEMEN?

HALP!

BEN…

BEN NOT DEAD?

WHEN I SIGN UP FOR THE XBOX HEAD MEMBERSHIP?

IT KINDA COOL