Yesterday, Peter King tweeted out the names of three linebackers the Saints have signed in the last week and a half, along with a vague needling remark directed at Jonathan Vilma. Presumably, PK is implying that the Saints see the writing on the wall for Vilma, as well as others, and are scurrying to have replacements on hand for when the Ginger Banhammer falls on one or more of their defensive players.

Of course, it being PK, the message would never be that clear. So cheers to Vilma for calling Peter out on his sanctimonious douchebaggery as well as his general lack of coherence.

Probably could have done without the cheap blogger slam, but those are par for the course. We can absorb one so long as it’s in the service of taking shots at the Allagash Gash.

The lofty PK nuggets just keep on coming. In a SI magazine piece running in next week’s issue, PK buries the lead that the Rams have gotten a trade offer for the second pick from a team “you would never expect”. When people reacted to this, Peter rushed to correct them with a stern reminder that it wasn’t an actual offer and more of a “feeler”, which is quasi-offer-esque. Still, there remains the matter of who this undisclosed team might be. We hazard a few guesses:

Team Rocket

Team America

The Teamsters

Team Edward

A rogue scout team

The Red Sox

The Go! Team

Rodgers & Hammerstein

The Hart Foundation

#TeamWheatThins

The A-Team

via

Probably the Jets, Chiefs or Eagles

After two weeks of interminable hype, desperate casting for soft-focus storylines and looped footage of Super Bowl XLII, Super Bowl Sunday has arrived, a day that is mostly all the things I just mentioned plus a football game. We’ll get our Super Bowl live blog underway later this afternoon. In the meantime, more Peter King inanity to hold you over until the Puppy Bowl.

Not good fans, and therefore the usual assemblage of the uninitiated and members of Red Sox Nation who Peter King typically writes for in his weekly column, where any player who isn’t a big-name quarterback or one of his friends is surely being introduced to the nation for the first time. Who is this Cortez Kennedy? One of the defensive stalwarts of his era? A charismatic star who was frequently featured in national NFL promos? Or is he Seattle’s Starbucks quality control officer, who is tasked with enforcing the chain’s standards and dispatching the manager of any nationwide location that PK has suggested is serving watery, nutmegless coffee? ONLY ONE MAN KNOWS FOR SURE.

When we last left Peter King he was extolling the virtues of The Blind Bean, and now he’s back to throw a bunch of crap at the wall. Not because he wants to, mind you. No, the life of SI’s second most prolific mock drafter is not an easy one, but somebody has to do it.

Well actually that’s not true. As a matter of fact the whole thing is an exercise in futility. And nobody knows that better than our other friend, Bill Simmons. The Sports Guy finally broke down and officially relinquished his title as the only sportswriter/blogger to never write a mock draft. HE IS AS UNIQUE AS A SNOWFLAKE, NO ONE DENIES THIS!

But let’s set that little bit of nonsense aside and return our focus to Mr. King…

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Note: Drew is unavailable today, so I’ll be tackling PK duties this week.

When we last left wistful reader Peter King, he was extolling the virtues of Brookline Booksmith, despite his fondness for the Kindle. So what about this week? Will Peter be satisfied with his stay at the Doral Resort and Spa? Will he be disappointed by South Florida’s lackluster support of their hometown hockey team? Read on.

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Armen Keteyian’s investigation into the death of former Titans quarterback Steve McNair has ignited renewed skepticism surrounding the apparent murder/suicide. While revelations about the alleged shooter and her relationship with the young man who provided her with the murder weapon may be old news to the police tasked with investigating the crime, it has opened the door for outside observers to don their sleuthing hats. One such amateur crime solver has taken to Twitter to air his suspicions. Good suspicions. Lofty suspicions.

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Everyone over at Sports Illustrated is crafting their own sports bucket list, and their preeminent Buckethead Peter King delivers about what you’d expect. His complete list can be found here, continue after the jump for some highlights.

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Peter King shows how a man about town can look cool, all while RESPECTING THE SUN. Our own Christmas Ape had some fun with the picture, which you’ll find after the jump. It’s well worth the trip.

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Allow me to apologize in advance for the lack of venomous vulgarity in this week’s breakdown of Peter King’s reviled Monday Morning Quarterback column. Drew’s unavailable today, and while Princess Assloaf provides the usual amount of retardation today, I can’t help but soften my stance somewhat, given that King kindly filmed the above segment as the opener for Saturday’s Blogs with Balls conference, where Christmas Ape and I both appeared on panels to swear about how to “make it big” in blogging. Yes, do it right, and you, too, can barely eke out an existence! Join the movement!

After the jump, prepare to not talk about Favre (read: talk about Favre) and get informed with totally unbiased recommendations for summer reading!

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That’s right, SI’s preeminent coffee and travel blogger turns 52 today. In honor of the momentous occasion we’ve compiled some first-rate gift ideas.

-Land
-Elite flyer medal (really just the plastic wings they give to kids to get them to behave on the plane)
-Red Sox championship ring
-Brett Favre stubble
-Walking cane
-Reimbursement from Schlereth
-Long term parking for one seldom used car
-Toone P. Wiggins gift card
-A copy of Coldplay’s Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends
-Season 3 of House on DVD

Continue after the jump for our own special gift to the birthday boy.

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