Peezy don’t pay no mind. Peezy spends he offseason handling he business. Raising up the Junior Peezys to pillars of the community and respect they elders. That’s what Corporate Peezy do now that he made full transition from Gully Peezy. Gully Peezy a thing of the past. Outmoded business model and shit.

Like all corporations, we here at Corporate Peezy, LLC like to set timetables and spreadsheets, ’cause that’s what the game spreads go on. Last year, we made gains. This year, we lookin’ for more gains.

Gains is to the Peezy business model like yo mouf is to fixin’. Inevitably, they be coming together like brand synergy ‘n’ shit.

This the way it go: Peezy shows up to offsite training seminar, he listen to the new plays, then he set out on making the league the Huckleberry. We made a lot teams into Huckleberries last year, but this year we finish the job of full marketplace Hucklebefication. We gotta match our Hucklebefication Yields for Physical Year 2009.

So Corporate Peezy, LLC getting itself ready for its IPO: Initial Peezy Offering.

Before that can happen, he gotsta check where he portfolio be trading at, see where the market forecast be forecastin’.

THAT’S UNFAIR

DEVALUING OF STOCK!

Don’t when it got to be in the offseason that disrespect came to be standard business practice, but Peezy crushing this trend before it has sweeping effects on he patience.

First, I send a message to stockholders:

“Hey stockholders, we gonna get that ass. It be a return on your ass investment.”

Second, Peezy do a rookie haze on Pat White.

“Hey Pat White, wear this funny sailor hat and dance around for Peezy.”

Yeah, yeah, swab the deck! Swab that shit!

THAT’S HILARITY!

See, Peezy show true leadership skills in fording Corporate Peezy, LLC through a tough corporate climate. That way, when we take on other emerging venture THEM ATLANTA FAWLKINS on Sunday, you gonna see who the big riser is in bidness.

Trade secret – IT’S US, BITCH!

CORPORATE PEEZY, LLC, BIG RISER IN BIDNESS! WE RUN THIS SHIT!

We’ve hit tough economic times. And by we, I mean all peoples not making Peezy cheese. But really, it’s trying for everybody. That means people gots to rethink how they go about they business. Even Peezy. I had postpone this big mouf fixin’ project I had lined up. Pushed that joint back to when financial forecasts are more conducive to the Huckleberries and Peezys alike.

With plan change come basic philosophical change. I’d like to get all hood on you Huckleberries. Show you what a mouf fixin’ from the streets can do fo that ass. Sadly, that’s just not how business is being conducted at the moment. Regular bull market bush league Peezy just don’t fit into the market climate. Need to be more fiduciary. Can’t be fiduciary enough.

So Peezy and the Corporate Joey, we sat down. Hashed it out. Went power lunchin’. FIXED YO PARADIGM. And together, we agreed on a merger, leading to the creation of Corporate Peezy. INITIAL IPO GONE TEAR THAT ASS UP.

Corporate Peezy is gonna put the word on solid economic footing. Corporate Peezy is well versed in supply side economics. IN WHICH I TAKE A GENEROUS SUPPLY OF MY FOOT IN STICK IN YO BACK SIDE!

CRANK CORPORATE PEEZY’S BRAND MUSIC!

AND HE GONE USE THE EXECUTIVE PEEZY WASHROOM! ‘Cept that bathroom attendant trippin’ if he thinks I’m tipping him for one mint.

And when the time is right, Corporate Peezy ready to schedule that corporate retreat in that ass. Conduct a whole rack of team building exercises once I’m there. We gonna build trust in that ass.

WHERE HE WASH HE HANDS WITH CORPORATE FAUCET! WITH SPECIAL SOAP FO MOUF FIXING!

For a long time, we had a nice thing going here. The AFC East was a real sedate kind of place where Peezys and huckleberries could convene for gentlemanly facebanging and mouf fixing. Nice little corner of the league, even with them self-tainted Patriots stealing dynasties right up out from under my nose.

Nuh-uh. No more. The crazy done been let loose on the Peezy Heezy now that Buffalo went and got them a T.O. Just as soon as we drop a Brett Favre, we infested with the T.O. All I know is it ’bout to get all mediated up in my spot. Now, you know Peezy like to keep it low key. I keep my head down, I play my game, I fix a mouf or two. Can’t be having all this unnecessary courting of the media. It’s bad for the sports and gets moufs going in unappealing ways.

The arrival of T.O. poses a threat to this delicate balance. The balance gets upset, it’s only natural that it reflects itself in my behavior. I WON’T SEE THE PEEZY DIVISION BE ALL TURNED ON ITS HEAD!

THAT’S UPHEAVAL!

Never let it be said Peezy is an intolerant man. When Chad sent loving texts to Laveranues all during the season, Peezy didn’t say Nathan after calling him a faggy long-haired bitchswitch. Live and let live, y’know. Nobody allowed to judge nobody ‘cept God and maybe DMX.

That said, we can live with Terrell Owens. What we can’t live with is exhaustive coverage of all he doings. That’s why Peezy gotta lay down some ground rules for media that want to blow-uptuate my spot with round-the-clock T.O. coverage.

Peezy’s Test of T.O. Controversy Newsworthiness

1. Does the T.O. controversy involve Peezy?

2. If not, did Peezy tell you it was newsworthy? YOU MUST CHECK WITH PEEZY!

2b. Did you check with Peezy twice? ‘Cause sometime Peezy say things he takes back a few minutes later.

3. Could your coverage be better suited discussing Peezy and Peezy contract status?

4. I’mma still cut Brandon Marshall. Get that out there.

Consulting those four simple questions, we can keep the T.O. bidness from getting out of hand before Peezy is forced to fix the moufs of all the talking heads. What people don’t know is how much he takes outta me to fix you mouf. You mouf all dirty and shit, so I gotta take time to wash up afterward.

Together we can rein in the T.O. media circus and maintain order in the Peezy Division.

Oh yeah — WE WINNING THE DIVISION AGAIN AND T.O. AIN’T GETTING NO CATCHES AGAINST US! BECAUSE HE DO NOTHING BUT RUN THAT MOUF!