Kissing Suzy Kolber » opportunistic whoring http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com KSK is a humor site dedicated solely to the NFL. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 16:11:46 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 MNF Open Thread: It’s like SNF with more cursing and fewer playoff teams http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2011/09/mnf-open-thread-its-like-snf-with-more-cursing-and-fewer-contenders.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2011/09/mnf-open-thread-its-like-snf-with-more-cursing-and-fewer-contenders.html#comments Mon, 19 Sep 2011 23:01:11 +0000 Unsilent Majority http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=39586
I said I don’t want any damn vegetables.

Do you like injuries? Well then, friend, you’re weird. But you are also in the right place. Tonight’s menu features the Giants and the Rams, two teams who are ravaged with injuries and trying to avoid the dreaded 0-2 start.

The Rams will reportedly be without Steven Jackson, so hopefully you’re like me and you are counting on 35 points from Cadillac Williams tonight. You never know, weird sh*t has been happening. He could conceivably turn in to Marshall Faulk for a night. Tony Romo led a comeback yesterday. Weird sh*t.

Things are a bit more upbeat on the Giants side. Albert Breer indicates that both Justin Tuck and Hakeem Nicks will be active.

In other news, I’m going to be writing twice a week over at Washingtonian. Your readership would be appreciated. In my first effort I use the word “spurts” when writing about Rex Grossman.

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2011/09/mnf-open-thread-its-like-snf-with-more-cursing-and-fewer-contenders.html/feed 384 KSK in Las Vegas? That Sounds Dangerous. And I Like It. http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/09/ksk-in-las-vegas-that-sounds-dangerous-and-i-like-it.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/09/ksk-in-las-vegas-that-sounds-dangerous-and-i-like-it.html#comments Sat, 12 Sep 2009 15:57:11 +0000 Captain Caveman http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=18685

Hello, Internet users. Checking KSK on a Saturday? That means you probably like sports blogs a little too much. And if you like sports blogs too much, then you should get your tickets to the Blogs with Balls 2.0 conference in Las Vegas next month as part of the BlogWorld & New Media Expo. It’s like ComicCon — but less cool!

Anyway, I’ll be joining Amy K. Nelson, Kevin Blackistone, and Bethlehem Shoals on a panel called “The Future of Sports Media” that will be moderated by Dan Shanoff. If you missed Blogs with Balls 1.0, then you missed some amazing rants by Shoals. Expect more of the same this time, with the added bonus of me naming specific bloggers and mainstream writers who are awful, just awful. Then I’m going to spend the rest of the weekend drinking and gambling with our very own PUNTE, depraved “liberty risk” A.J. Daulerio, whirling dervish of humanity Spencer Hall, and others.  Finally, as a service to you, dear readers, the following week I will NOT write a 5000-word column about how, even though my friends and I are older, we still magically summon the power to get drunk and have fun in Vegas.

Should be fun. Join us. Buy tickets here, and buy them now — prices go up on September 14th.

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/09/ksk-in-las-vegas-that-sounds-dangerous-and-i-like-it.html/feed 24 Sexy Friday, Starring the Gay Mafia and Allegations of Soft-Core http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/08/sexy-friday-starring-the-gay-mafia-and-allegations-of-soft-core.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/08/sexy-friday-starring-the-gay-mafia-and-allegations-of-soft-core.html#comments Fri, 15 Aug 2008 18:47:46 +0000 Captain Caveman http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=3063 [Park Slope, Brooklyn. Interior of a news stand]

Okay… need something for a little beach reading. What to get? What to get what to get what to get.

Maxim? Come now, I graduated college. And I want something touting football on the cover.

Men’s Vogue? Eli’s on the cover. Nah, too gay.

Hey, Tom Brady’s on Esquire? Hmmm… not quite gay enough.

Ah-HA!

Goddammit James Franco is fucking se– I MEAN, 73 THINGS ABOUT FOOTBALL?!?! All right! GRRR, this will be great to read in between sets at the gym!!! Page 292, it says right here! That’s the where the football is!

/flips through magazine





Finally, I’ve made it through all those annoying fashion ads. Why, if the Men’s Wearhouse doesn’t have $2000 dollar dinner jackets, I hardly think I need one. These fat shirtless painted men in cutoff stone-washed denim are much more my style. GRRR TOUCHDOWN!

/puts on reading monocle

Say, what’s this?

Why, I’ve never read such libel! Drew doesn’t run the site! He’s merely responsible for forty percent of the content and all of the popular posts!

“Insightful”? Ha! And “soft-core”? Clearly, sir, you’ve never read our Peter King fan fiction. It doesn’t get any less soft than that.

But the worst slight of all? Leaving our photo shoot on the cutting room floor.




I wore my nicest jeans and everything!

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/08/sexy-friday-starring-the-gay-mafia-and-allegations-of-soft-core.html/feed 84 What better way for bandwagon Giants fans to celebrate? http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/02/what-better-way-for-bandwagon-giants.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/02/what-better-way-for-bandwagon-giants.html#comments Mon, 04 Feb 2008 14:23:00 +0000 flubby http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/02/what-better-way-for-bandwagon-giants-fans-to-celebrate.html

Eli’s all growns up. Help us profit from his good fortune, won’t you? Click here for this and more.

You wouldn’t want Ape to starve during the off season.

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