Posts Tagged ‘opportunistic whoring’

KSK in Las Vegas? That Sounds Dangerous. And I Like It.

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

Hello, Internet users. Checking KSK on a Saturday? That means you probably like sports blogs a little too much. And if you like sports blogs too much, then you should get your tickets to the Blogs with Balls 2.0 conference in Las Vegas next month as part of the BlogWorld & New Media Expo. It’s like ComicCon — but less cool!

Anyway, I’ll be joining Amy K. Nelson, Kevin Blackistone, and Bethlehem Shoals on a panel called “The Future of Sports Media” that will be moderated by Dan Shanoff. If you missed Blogs with Balls 1.0, then you missed some amazing rants by Shoals. Expect more of the same this time, with the added bonus of me naming specific bloggers and mainstream writers who are awful, just awful. Then I’m going to spend the rest of the weekend drinking and gambling with our very own PUNTE, depraved “liberty riskA.J. Daulerio, whirling dervish of humanity Spencer Hall, and others.  Finally, as a service to you, dear readers, the following week I will NOT write a 5000-word column about how, even though my friends and I are older, we still magically summon the power to get drunk and have fun in Vegas.

Should be fun. Join us. Buy tickets here, and buy them now — prices go up on September 14th.

Sexy Friday, Starring the Gay Mafia and Allegations of Soft-Core

Friday, August 15th, 2008

[Park Slope, Brooklyn. Interior of a news stand]

Okay… need something for a little beach reading. What to get? What to get what to get what to get.

Maxim? Come now, I graduated college. And I want something touting football on the cover.

Men’s Vogue? Eli’s on the cover. Nah, too gay.

Hey, Tom Brady’s on Esquire? Hmmm… not quite gay enough.

Ah-HA!

Goddammit James Franco is fucking se– I MEAN, 73 THINGS ABOUT FOOTBALL?!?! All right! GRRR, this will be great to read in between sets at the gym!!! Page 292, it says right here! That’s the where the football is!

/flips through magazine





Finally, I’ve made it through all those annoying fashion ads. Why, if the Men’s Wearhouse doesn’t have $2000 dollar dinner jackets, I hardly think I need one. These fat shirtless painted men in cutoff stone-washed denim are much more my style. GRRR TOUCHDOWN!

/puts on reading monocle

Say, what’s this?

Why, I’ve never read such libel! Drew doesn’t run the site! He’s merely responsible for forty percent of the content and all of the popular posts!

“Insightful”? Ha! And “soft-core”? Clearly, sir, you’ve never read our Peter King fan fiction. It doesn’t get any less soft than that.

But the worst slight of all? Leaving our photo shoot on the cutting room floor.




I wore my nicest jeans and everything!

What better way for bandwagon Giants fans to celebrate?

Monday, February 4th, 2008

Eli’s all growns up. Help us profit from his good fortune, won’t you? Click here for this and more.

You wouldn’t want Ape to starve during the off season.