Mysterious Winter Warlock paralyzes the Twin Cities.

The Giants-Vikings game, orginally scheduled for this afternoon, has been postponed until tomorrow night after a blizzard left the Giants stranded in Kansas City. Initially, the league hoped to play the game as scheduled, with the Giants flying into Minneapolis this morning. Instead, the game will be aired on Fox tomorrow night–but only in the teams’ home markets (weak).

Complicating matters are reports out of Minneapolis that all the snow has caused the roof of the Metrodome to collapse. While it is not yet known what effect this will have on tomorrow’s game, it is generally agreed that this clusterf-ck is a perfect metaphor for the Vikes’ season.

UPDATE: The Metrodome is FUBAR. Game moved to Detroit and will air on the Sunday Ticket.

Here are the games that will be played as scheduled, rated on my Freez-Pruf(TM) Four-Star System.

CLE @ BUF *
TB @ WAS **
GB @ DET **
ATL @ CAR **
OAK @ JAC ***
CIN @ PIT **

Superfluous neon green arrow appears courtesy of Sports By Brooks.

This cake was not made by mental patient or four-year-old. Rather, according to dessert disaster porn site Cake Wrecks, it was made by a professional cake maker for what was surely a deeply disappointed Broncos fan. I can only hope they were wearing a Tim Tebow jersey when they picked it up. SOMEBODY GAVE THAT CAKE THE SUPERAIDS!!!

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Clockwise from top left: bluesman, not a bluesman, bluesman, not a bluesman.

In a recent interview, Tom Brady addressed his maligned decision to endorse Ugg boots. The Patriots quarterback chafed at the notion that he should be compartmentalized as a mere jock. Brady cited his chillbro Justin Timberlake (who he watches Entourage with) as an example of someone who, like Brady, defies being pigeonholed. I know next to nothing about style or fashion (shocker, I know), so my suspicion that Brady is a glorified Al Bundy shilling lady shoes may be completely wrong. But if Brady’s judgment in selecting endorsement deals is as questionable as his taste in music, then maybe not. Sez Brady:

“But my point is that I’m branching out—because I’m not just a football player, you know, any more than Bruce Willis is just an actor. He’s a bluesman. He loves vodka. He’s a PERSON, okay. And people have interests, and some of us have brands, and those brands need cultivating the same as any other person’s brand does.”

At first I thought, when Brady used the word “bluesman” he meant that Bruce Willis cheers for the St. Louis NHL team or maybe he’s starring in a Blue Man Group biopic. But upon several readings and conferring with others, I can only conclude Brady is, in fact, referring to the American musical art form. At this point, Brady is either completely clueless or has raised trolling to a science.

Here’s your bluesman:

There are a couple of good prime time match-ups this week, but the day games are a mundane bunch. Here’s the early slate, rated on the Infallible Four Star Scale:

JAC @ TEN **
WAS @ NYG **
CHI @ DET **
BUF @ MIN *
NO @ CIN **
SF @ GB **
DEN @ KC **
CLE @ MIA **

Okay, maybe the 1970′s weren’t as awesome as this picture would lead us to believe. It wasn’t all pull tabs, shag carpet, sideburns and shapely brunettes. There was also a crappy economy, rampant unemployment, and an ineffective one-term Democrat in the White House– concepts that are completely alien to us today. Another forgotten aspect of that bygone era was the brief marriage between malt liquor and board games.

Colt .45′s marketing strategies have shifted over the decades. Based on personal observations, their current approach is to trumpet their wares on tattered billboards in areas of town I venture to only rarely, and never after dark. But according to a web page I found, Bottom’s Up was an “adult board game” that was produced by the makers of Colt .45 to promote the responsible enjoyment and overall sexiness of their fine beverage. Among the cards that could be drawn by Bottom’s Up players:

Thank you, NFL, for evening out the number of early and late games this week, thus keeping the RedZone channel from being intolerably dull later this afternoon.

The late games:

KC @ SEA **
MIA @ OAK **
PHI @ CHI ***
TB @ BAL ***
STL @ DEN *

[ via and via ]

The Denver Broncos and coach Josh McDaniels were each fined $50,000 by the NFL as a result of a team employee illegally videotaping an opponent’s practice last month. The employee, video operations director, Steve Scarnecchia, has been fired. Both McDaniels and Scarnecchia were employed by the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick when they were heavily penalized for similar infractions in 2007.

The incident happened at a San Francisco 49ers practice on October 30 in London– a day before they defeated Denver 24-16. In other words, unlike his mentor, McDaniels can’t even cheat correctly. Belichick was able to win three Super Bowls through an organized pattern of fraud and deceit. McDaniels, on the other hand, has gotten his ass handed to him by everyone in the division (except the Chiefs).

Several quality match-ups are coming up this afternoon. Here are the early games, rated on the four-star system I created in conjunction with the boys at MIT:

JAC @ NYG ***
PIT @ BUF **
TEN @ HOU **
GB @ ATL ****
CAR @ CLE *
MIN @ WAS **

“How could Football Bernie Carbo betray the C’s like that? How dare he cheeah fawr a buncha Okie fahmboys ovah the city that has adawpted him as one of owah own? There will be reprisals, Welkah. Mahk my wards!”

/passes out, forget he saw Wes Welker wearing an OKC hat on television

SEA @ NO **
ATL @ STL **
TB @ SF **
IND @ NE ****

[ pic from Jose3030 via Ben ]

After a few weeks loaded with lackluster offerings, the league steps it up this week. Oakland-Pittsburgh highlights the early games. The Raiders beat that ass at Heinz Field last season, yet for some reason they have to play there again this year. Probably has something to do with the Steelers always getting whatever they want. Look for another Raiders win today, unless Rooney’s nephews are officiating, then all bets are off.

Today’s early games, rated on a four-star system that defies all argument:

BAL @ CAR *
HOU @ NYJ **
ARI @ KC **
WAS @ TEN **
BUF @ CIN *
OAK @ PIT ***
CLE @ JAC **
DET @ DAL *
GB @ MIN **

[ pic via ]

Um, is there anyone who HASN’T seen Rex Ryan sweat? I’m pretty sure the Jets’ Thanksgiving turkey will be served with oyster stuffing and Rex’s sweat gravy.

Earlier this week a reader emailed us about a series of motivational speeches by current and former football coaches currently being hawked on the NFL Network. I immediately wondered who exactly could benefit from using this product (“YEEEEARGH, NOW LET’s GET OUT THERE AND SELL SOME FREAKING KIAS”) and, more importantly, how I could best stretch it into a KSK post. Then I stumbled upon the latest gift from the rapidly-becoming-ubiquitous DJ Steve Porter:

Good luck getting Sean Payton’s screech out of your head this afternoon. Today’s late games:

KC @ DEN **
DAL @ NYG **
SEA @ ARI *
STL @ SF *

[ thx to Sergio for the tip; video via Pigskinlovinglady ]

Well, here’s today’s slate of early games. Mediocre match-ups abound, making us wonder how much worse it will get when the league expands its regular season to 18 games. It also remains to be seen how fantasy football leagues will react. As it is, most fantasy leagues are done prior to the final week of the regular season to avoid problems caused by teams resting their stars prior to the playoffs. If the regular season expands, there will also be more meaningless late season games for fantasy owners to deal with.

Of course, these concerns will seem trivial when the lockout comes down and we spend next fall crying, masturbating, and then crying and masturbating.

Today’s early games, rated on an increasingly arbitrary four-star system:

TEN @ MIA **
NYJ @ CLE **
CIN @ IND **
HOU @ JAC ***
MIN @ CHI **
CAR @ TB **
DET @ BUF *
bye: Raiders, Chargers, Packers, Saints

[ inspiration for picture found here ]

Emboldened by the cheek shown by former teammate Randy Moss, the Vikings are in open revolt against Brad Childress. Reports abound that the coach and receiver Percy Harvin had a blow up in practice Friday after Chilly questioned the injured receiver’s effort. If Arizona can find a way to win today, Childress may be out of a job tomorrow. Let’s all bow our heads for a moment of silent prayer.

Tampa Bay-Atlanta is easily your game of the week. Didn’t see that one coming when the season started, didya? Speaking of the the Buccaneers, I hereby present the most idiotic non-KSK post of the week. A blogger, who apparently only watches terrible movies, called Trey Wingo out for referring to Bucs coach Raheem Morris as “Radio Raheem”. It seems the blog thought Wingo was not-so-subtly calling Morris a, um, well… retarded, I guess.

When confronted with convincing evidence that Wingo was referring to the character WITH THE EXACT SAME NAME in Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing and not the movie Radio, where Cuba Gooding, Jr. plays a mentally-challenged football enthusiast not named Raheem, the blogger then attempts to ascribe his personal ignorance to his entire generation:

But the problem is that ESPN’s target demographic, viewers 18 to 35, are far more likely to connect the nickname “Radio” to the 2003 film Radio, starring Cuba Gooding, Jr. playing the mentally challenged young man who loved football, versus the old Spike Lee flick that had nothing to do with football.

No, dude, it’s just you. But at least now there’s hope for a sequel to Radio, wherein a very special young man starts his own Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan blog.

Games are rated on my super scientific, peer-reviewed four star system.

NYJ @ DET **
MIA @ BAL ***
NE @ CLE **
SD @ HOU **
CHI @ BUF (Toronto) **
ARI @ MIN *
TB @ ATL ****
NO @ CAR **

bye: TEN, WAS, DEN, JAX, SFO, STL