I said I don’t want any damn vegetables.

Do you like injuries? Well then, friend, you’re weird. But you are also in the right place. Tonight’s menu features the Giants and the Rams, two teams who are ravaged with injuries and trying to avoid the dreaded 0-2 start.

The Rams will reportedly be without Steven Jackson, so hopefully you’re like me and you are counting on 35 points from Cadillac Williams tonight. You never know, weird sh*t has been happening. He could conceivably turn in to Marshall Faulk for a night. Tony Romo led a comeback yesterday. Weird sh*t.

Things are a bit more upbeat on the Giants side. Albert Breer indicates that both Justin Tuck and Hakeem Nicks will be active.

In other news, I’m going to be writing twice a week over at Washingtonian. Your readership would be appreciated. In my first effort I use the word “spurts” when writing about Rex Grossman.

Point: Bears head into this game a ten point favorite at home.
Counterpoint: Seattle won in Chicago 23-20 in week six.

Point: Matt Hasselbeck has never won a road playoff game,
Counterpoint: Jay Cutler has never won (or played) a playoff game

Point: Cutler has earned his reputation for ill-timed interceptions

Counterpoint: “Ow! My lumbago!”

Point: The Bears have one the league’s strongest fan bases who will do there utmost to confuse Seahawks players.

Counterpoint: According to scalpers, tickets are going for regular-season prices and this game is second-fiddle to the Bulls-Heat.

Point: Bears fans have adopted a completely original method to express their esprit de corps

Counterpoint: The bright orange color will make it easier for Public Works employees to clean up Lake Shore Drive after the Bears crash and burn.

Point:

Counterpoint:

Point: Seahawks fans have a passionate, yet eccentric, fanbase

Counterpoint: the Hasselbeck haircut borders on child abuse

Enjoy the game. We’ll have a live-blog for the Jets-Patriots game later today.

Hate restores us. Hate focuses us. Hate keeps us warm at night and spoons us if we so desire it. And no time is hate more powerful – more necessary – than the postseason, when those we despise are so close to getting what they want. I don’t get what I want, so f*ck those guys. There are countless reasons to hate anyone. Some of which you might not be aware. Or been made to realize that they are worthy of scorn. Well, you came to the right place. Allow us to guide you to the darkest recesses of the soul, where the streets run dark green with bile and everyone knows your embarrassing nickname.

Oh, Seattle. You’ve really done nothing to deserve the grief we’re about to lay down on you. You’re just the northernmost major city of the United States, which nobody believes, because Maine is like totally up there on the map. Really, the worst thing you ever did was not killing Frasier.

And then I saw this… Read the rest of this entry »

Don’t laugh, he only scored one less touchdown than DeAngelo Williams did this season.

The Packers need a win today over the Bears or losses by the Giants and Bucs in order to make the playoffs. [ National Post ]

Jacksonville needs a win over the Texans and a loss by the Colts against the Titans to make the playoffs–otherwise Indy is in. Don’t get your hopes up. [ Jacksonville Observer ]

Speaking of the Texans, Gary Kubiak is going to keep his job and will be adding Wade Phillips to his staff. Apparently, Houston is the football Bizarro Planet. [ Adam Schefter ]

The Denver Broncos have added John Elway to its front office. Job #1 is recruiting Jim Harbaugh away from Stanford. Job #2 is ducking Shannon Sharpe’s unintelligible telephone calls. [ NFL Network ]

Gritty running back becomes favorite of monochromatic fan base. As KSK reader Tim from Milwaukee observes, “Note that a guy with a back-up plan of getting a PhD is considered ‘blue collar’.” [ Not Woodhead ]

The rest of today’s schedule:

JAC @ HOU *
ARI @ SF *
CHI @ GB ****
TEN @ IND **
SD @ DEN **
DAL @ PHI **
NYG @ WAS **

[ image via 30fps ]

The regular season grinds to a halt today with an uninspiring lineup of games. Not a whole lot of playoff drama other than the SNF game. Here are some of today’s headlines:

Brett Favre will sit for what will likely be the final game of his career. Unless he doesn’t. Either way, I’ll believe it when I see it. [ ESPN ]

Jenn Sterger’s dad told Radar Online he totally wants to kick Favre’s ass. What a bully Leo Sterger is, threatening an old man like that. [ via PFT - no link, Florio knows why ]

Cowboys remove Jason Garrett’s interim tag, give him new one that says “Jerry’s New Bitch”. [ Michael Lombardi, NFL Network ]

Chiefs’ o-coordinator Charlie Weis will be introduced as the new University of Florida OC tomorrow. No one likes Todd Haley. [ FH ]

Shawne Merriman signs two-year extension with the Bills. You remember Shawne Merriman, don’t you? [ Mort ]

Brian Brohm starts for the Bills. Also, how about that Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl. [ NFL Facts & Rumors ]

Those are people who died, died. [ 5th Down ]

Here are today’s early games, ranking on a four-star system that doesn’t involve throwgasms.

MIA @ NE **
BUF @ NYJ *
CIN @ BAL **
TB @ NO **
CAR @ ATL **
MIN @ DET *
OAK @ KC **
PIT @ CLE *

It’s Championship Week for most fantasy leagues. If you were fortunate enough to make your it to your title game—kudos and gladhands to you. On the other hand, if you are an idiot like me who was counting on Randy Moss and Dez Bryant in the playoffs, then try to take joy wherever you can find it during the remaining regular season. Like hoping your favorite IRL team wrecks someone else’s playoffs hopes, for instance. Along those lines, goooooooo S&B.

Don’t forget, tonight’s Vikes-Iggles game has been rescheduled for Tuesday night–so no SNF open thread tonight. The Little Caesar’s Bowl’s ratings will likely result in an uptick in viewers. Once again, Detroit reaps the rewards of an NFL weather-related postponement. If you don’t like that, The Sound of Music is on ABC, sunshine.

IND @ OAK **
SD @ CIN **
HOU @ DEN (Andre Johnson doubtful) *
NYG @ GB ***
SEA @ TB **

[ image via Just Blog Baby]

Jay Feely nailed a 48-yard field goal with seconds remaining to give the Arizona Cardinals a 27-26 win over the Dallas Cowboys. The win was possible thanks to a missed extra point from the Cowboys’ David Buehler. With Stephen McGee filling in for the injured Jon Kitna, the Cowboys nearly came from behind to win the game, but thanks to the intervention of Santa Claus, Jesus, and the Kwanzaa Kreature, millions of Americans were able to go bed happy.

Meanwhile, the Shield is considering postponing tonight’s Vikings-Eagles game due to the east coast blizzard. I’m not a religious man, but if there’s a Supreme Being out there, he/she/it freaking HATES the Vikings. [ UPDATE: Game postponed until Tuesday at 8pm. ]

Here’s today’s early match-ups, rated on the four star system that never chokes:

DET @ MIA *
BAL @ CLE **
NE @ BUF **
WAS @ JAC (MJD doubtful) (UPDATE: MJD out) **
NYJ @ CHI ***
TEN @ KC *
SF @ STL *

Yesterday, in the wee, wee hours of the morning we received an email from KSK reader Fernando G.

I am actually tingling with excitement at the thought of Tebow getting his first start AT Oakland. The benches are way too close to the fans there; I can’t wait for him to accidentally get too close to the front row and have a fan chop his arm off with an ax. If there were a God, he wouldn’t allow Tebow to play for the Broncos in Oakland. This game needs to be shown in every home in the country, and you should have an open thread.

The fact that Fernando is up at this hour inescapably leads me to the following alternatives. Either:
1) Fernando lives in Indonesia; or
2) Fernando works for NORAD; or
3) Fernando is drunk.

Nonetheless, as a fellow Raiders fan and in the spirit of the holidays, I’m indulging Fernando’s request for a special open thread. However, I don’t share Fernando’s desire to see Tebow get his arm lopped off. Unless he tries to convert some of the heathens in the Black Hole. Hate you Donkeys.

DEN @ OAK ****
ATL @ SEA NO STARS
NYJ @ PIT NO STARS & GO TO HELL

Not to diminish from the holiday atmosphere, but screw the NFL sideways for scheduling 10 early games and only three late ones today. Following along with this many games on the RedZone is going to take a Herculean effort. As I consequence, I am on a strict regimen of coffee, Adderall and– thanks to friends I made at the truck stop this morning—white crosses. Before the insanity starts here are some important links:

It was a bad week to be Donovan McNabb. First he was benched for the rest of the season in favor of Rex Grossman. Now according to Steinz at the DC Sports Bog, the Redskins official store has slashed the price of Donovan McNabb jerseys in half. You’ll still have to shell out top dollar for established stars like Malcolm Kelly and Chris Horton—players I totally did not just us make up.

FOX Sports is secretly testing background music during its NFL telecasts. Last week, they piped in some chamber music into the Seahawks/49ers game (which explains why this is the first time most of us have heard anything about it). The experiment hidden in broad daylight continues today during the Panthers-Cardinals matchup. I think they should let this guy handle the music for the game. [ Goal-Line Stand ]

Here are today’s match-ups graded on the infallible four-star system:

BUF @ MIA *
ARI @ CAR *
NO @ BAL ****
JAC @ IND **
DET @ TB **
PHI @ NYG ***
KC @ STL **
WAS @ DAL*
CLE @ CIN *
HOU @ TEN *

“Tumbledown shack in Bigfoot County, snowed so hard the roof caved in…”

Via FOX, comes footage of the roof of the Metrodome collapsing in spectacular fashion beneath the weight of tons of snow. While this is proving to be a horrible ordeal for Giants and Vikings fans, it’s a banner weekend for St. Bernards with little barrels of brandy around their necks.

In other news:

The Chiefs’ Brodie Croyle starts at quarterback for Matt Cassel, who’s out with a vestigial organ.

Patriots rookie Brandon Spikes has been suspended four games for violating the NFL’s performance-enhancing drug policy. However, Spikes claims that he has a perfectly innocent excu- OOH, LOOK AT THAT BIRD!

Aaron Rodgers suffered a concussion today. So unlike the rest of us, he gets to forget the crappy Packers-Lions game.

Today’s late games:

STL @ NO ***
SEA @ SF *
NE @ CHI ****
MIA @ NYJ **
DEN @ ARI *
KC @ SD ***

[ video via ]