Jeremy Green, who I swear I saw once in a country club shower, has been arrested for possessing child porn. Oh, but it gets so much worse than that. Check it:

Green participated in an online chat with a woman with the screen name of “lendingmom12″, shared sexually explicit photos and videos of a toddler, and told the woman he was chatting with that he “couldn’t wait for her to bring her three children to Connecticut”.

Wait a second. Are you telling me there are ELEVEN other lending moms out there? Because that is awful. Todd Solondz is making an unwatchable “comedy” about it as we speak.

Green’s dad Dennis is now best known for “crown their ass” and “they are who we thought we were,” but Denny was also accused of sexual harassment when he was coach of the Vikings. He was also a horrible football coach, but that’s neither here nor there in matters of pederasty. OR IS IT?

Jeremy was working as an analyst for ESPN, and apparently went to the Salisbury/Tirico Sexual Deviancy Seminar the company offers every fiscal year. Please be advised: If Jeremy says he can make your son an “honorary ballboy,” it does not mean what you think it means.

As Otto Man noted in the comments earlier, Julius Peppers’s freakishly huge grin is reminiscent of Soundgarden’s “Black Hole Sun” video. Oh ho ho, but there’s something creepier than the “Black Hole Sun” video…

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BOOM! You were NOT expecting to see Nightmare Roethlisberger, were you?

To answer your collective question: No, there is no live-blog tonight. We’re all drinking in bars and celebrating the beginning of Buffalo wing season. In fact, if you look in the right Steelers bar in D.C., you’ll be able to find KSK quorum (KSKworum?).

But consider this your open thread to bitch about the song used for the intro, the announcers, the commercials, the refereeing, the retarded-looking fans in the stands, and/or the complete lack of cheerleaders. Thanks, Pittsburgh. Way to not have attractive women.

Hi, folks! I’m Alonzo Spellman, former defensive lineman for the Chicago Bears and top secret government operative for King Narudi of Jurumba. (KING, THE HEADS YOU REQUESTED ARE IN MY BAG.) You might remember me from the time I got arrested for roasting my girlfriend on a spit, or the time I defecated in Dave Wannstedt’s wallet, or the time I was caught on a surveillance camera trying to have children with a flowerpot. WHERE ELSE WOULD FLOWER CHILDREN COME FROM?

You also might remember me from such successful products as Alonzo Spellman’s Clown Burgers, Alonzo Spellman’s Tit Wrench, and Alonzo Spellman’s Baby Razors. Now I’m BACK, with an even better product!

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This.

H/T – Best Week Ever.

[Inside a Star Wars-themed bedroom]

WASHED FACESPOT.  BRUSHED CHOMPERS.  GOOD SLEEPS BEFORE RAVENS GAME.  HAPPY SLEEPS.  NOT GONNA DREAM ABOUT PHIL RIVERS WITH MOUTH-EYES TONIGHT.  GONNA MAKE NICE PICTURES IN THE HEADSPOT.

NICE PICTURES.

NICE PIC…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Marisa Miller: Hey, Ben. 

Ben: HI

Marisa: You like what you see?

Ben: THATS A NICE MOTORBIKE YES

Marisa: Wanna go for a ride?

Ben: THANK YOU LADY BUT NO.  YOU DONT GOT NO HELMET FOR THE BEN.  CAN’T GET OUCHIE BEFORE RAVENS GAME.

Marisa: That’s cool.  Maybe Jay Cutler wants to ride with me.

Ben: BRONCO JAY IS HERE?

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Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.

Hirsute loverman Dolfan Dan does the Super Bowl Truffle Shuffle. After this disturbing turn of events, I am retrospectively glad Miami got that ass beat last weekend.

Don Shula must be spinning in his grave. He’s not dead or anything; he just loves to strap his coffin to a big gyroscope and go for a whirl. He says it livelies up the old blood. Funny guy.

Is there a good reason to post the four best cheerleader pictures of the week? Probably not, but to be fair, there’s no good reason not to post the four best cheerleader pictures of the week (click to enlarge…your cock!).

“RRRuffles Have Ridges!”