It’s often said that the drills used at the NFL Combine are inadequate, that they don’t capture many of the critical nuances that separate NFL-grade talent from Ted Ginn Jr. That’s why we at KSK are lobbying for the inclusion of the following drills so that teams are better able to judge how an athlete will hold up when faced with the rigors of the NFL. Also, they’d be fun to watch.
40-yard dash with 32-inch plasma TV under one arm
Name-dropping contest at Jillian’s with Peter King
Pick-a-Groupie (”Ten road whores of varying skeezyness are lined up and each prospect has to choose the most appealing and least dangerous of the bunch.”)
Softball toss with Keyshawn Johnson
Meadow stroll with Brett Favre
Couples dance with Jason Taylor
Pain tolerace with LaDainian
Laundry competition against Hines
Steam bath with Jamal Anderson
The Booth of Verbal Abuse with Coach Haley
Melanin litmus test (Patriots draftees only)
[Presented with a map] Locate a map
Oyster shucking
Mock Press Conference
Endorsement sincerity drill
Bug implementation (Patriot draftees only)
Stereotype-reinforcing dance moves (Raven draftees only)
Towel dispenser dismantling speed (Steelers draftees only)
Pose for men’s magazine fashion shoot (white QBs only)
30-foot sprint from club door to slowly accelerating SUV.
Motorist belt whip
Post-play referee cajoling (”Complain more shrilly! Why aren’t you huffy!? GET HUFFY!”)
Sinner curl (opposite of preacher curl)
Double Stuf Oreo Licking
Crossing the desert
The unblinking eye
Seven on a seven-and-seven
Steroid Receptiveness Exam
War cry
Vertical jump to replenish Cris Collinsworth’s feeder.
Gun target practice (Giants draftees disregard)
Pushoffs
Andrea Kremer stiff-arm
