Just as the current stable of Giants players collects their latest ring, an oft-troubled legend from yesteryear is trying to unload one of his. On the off chance you’ve got an extra 40 grand burning a hole in fancy-dancy rich man’s pantaloons, you can get in on the action to buy Lawrence Taylor’s championship ring from Super Bowl XXV. You see, LT’s life has hit a rough patch ever since he was introduced to lady cocaine. Then there was that messy incident with the underaged prostitute and, well, it was probably only a matter of time before it came to this.

Maybe a good idea for a Bills fan who wants something pricey to wing at Scott Norwood? Little too rich for my blood, not to mention that I have no desire to own a Giants Super Bowl ring, but there are obviously more than a few collectors/fans out there who are plenty interested. Let me know when LT is shopping his Luther “Shark” Lavay memorabilia from Any Given Sunday. I could really go for the chainsaw he used to cut through that car. It would go nicely with my budding collection of insane linebacker weaponry and fight gear. I’d hang it right next to Greg Lloyd’s karate gi.

Now that the Giants’ Super Bowl rings have been officially unveiled and Justin Tuck can stop talking about how all the leaked images looked nothing like the actual hardware, the Giants are looking to share the championship joy through social media with their fans. And so we have a mobile app that allows users to superimpose a “virtual” Super Bowl ring or Lombardi trophy into their profile image. How loverly.

Oh, the greasedouche duck face that will ensue. It will be endless. On a related note, I’m certain Tiki Barber has already downloaded this. Hell, while we’re at it, let’s give everybody Giants rings.

Yeah, that’s about how I feel about it, too, Cutty. But at least you finally got one!

It’s Friday and all I want to do is nap, drink and drink, so in lieu of any long-winded speeches about what an honor it has been to be associated with these proper villains for two days, I’ll just say – thanks for having me, folks. But I do not leave these hallowed halls without handing out some gifts to you wonderful commenters. Nothing is free, though, so don’t think you’re gonna get some handies from me and never call me again.

Nope, what I’ve got is a whole bunch of With Leather shirts to give away, and it begins with that delightful Giants fan above, doing what New York sports fans do best – being pissed off for no reason. Seriously, was there anything better than listening to New York fans boo Roger Goodell and every pick last night? Trick question. Yes. When Jets fans chanted, “We want [Melvin] Ingram!” and they got Quinton Coples instead. Perfect.

So is this guy booing? Is he screaming, “HOOTIE!” for Darius Rucker? Is he showing Kate Upton what he wants her to do (ed. – Sexy Friday coming up next!)? Does he have lockjaw and require serious medical help? That’s up to you to decide. Fire up the photoshop and let’s have some fun with this Giants fan. My favorites will get free t-shirts.

I already got the jump on you guys with a few of my own.

(UPDATE: Holy crap, you animals. I’ll look through these and announce the winner(s) in this week’s Sexy Friday.)

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Cool jams.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who’s our little champ playing unsupervised in the sand? And that close to the water? I guess once Eli won his second Super Bowl MVP there was no holding him back. Olivia is starting to let go. It’s all part of growing up. From the looks of things, she’s giving him added leeway in the waves. If it’s low tide, Eli even gets to go out with the boogie board. Still has to stay within eyesight, but still.

Wags are noting that Elisha has a pretty average build for a guy who’s a professional athlete. To that I say, do you really want to live in a world where Eli Manning is physically imposing? Having to accept him as an elite QB is already too much of a mental disconnect for me to take.

[via Sportress of Blogitude]

The NFL let it be known yesterday that the team offered as sacrifice to the defending Super Bowl champs for the special Wednesday edition of the annual season kickoff game will be the Cowboys. Some have said its a lackluster choice given that it’s “just” a division rival that the Giants swept last season, but that underestimates the country’s capacity to enjoy Cowboys losses, which if I may speak for everyone, is endless and insatiable. Did people already forget the first meeting between these teams last year, when the Giants scored two TDs in the last three minutes, Tony Romo overthrew Miles Austin badly on a play that would have sealed the game, and the Cowboys lost on a last-second blocked field goal? It was glorious.

Oh, and I suppose even the Cowboys winning would have its benefits. The defending champs have to lose this game one of these years. And John Mara has been a dick about how he’s reacted to the league screwing over the Cowboys and Redskins on the cap penalty business. Stop that. Don’t make Dallas into sympathetic figures, not even a little bit.

Even though the Giants signed Marty B yesterday, the team is still in the market for another tight end, since both Jake Ballard and Travis Beckum tore their ACLs during the Super Bowl. What started out as little more than dumb speculation from the New York Daily News about Jeremy Shockey wanting to return to the Giants erupted into a delightfully catty Twitter fight between former Giants teammates Shockey and Amani Toomer.

Toomer initiated the drama by complaining about how Shockey burned every bridge imaginable on his out of New York, which is true but probably unnecessary. It wasn’t long before people directed Shockey to Toomer’s comments. Never one to take the high road (unless it’s littered with passed out skanks), Shockey first bitched that it was Toomer’s laziness that resulted in Shockey breaking his leg during the ’07 Super Bowl season. As you can see, it got better from there.

Once you get to dishing on someone peeing on another person’s clothes, you have to draw it back a little. The two proceeded to issue denials. Shockey denied that he ever said he wanted to come back to the Giants. Toomer claimed Shockey is lying about the peeing-on-my-ex’s-clothes thing.

Super Bowl champions are forced into appearing on a vast array of broadcast media to bask in the glory of their triumph. Also as fodder to help try to fill the bottomless hole of the 24/7 media cycle. On that note, Justin Tuck was recently a guest on a Fox Business network show covering Wall Street called “Power and Money”. I couldn’t tell you anything else about “Power and Money” because I’ve never watched it. I suspect Justin Tuck had not either prior to his appearance, despite the fact that Tuck, unlike me, can actually rightfully claim to have both money and power. Just a hunch.

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When a team that KSK collectively loathes makes it to the Super Bowl, we can get a little carried away with rooting for their opponent. This might lead some to believe that we objectively approve of a slapdick team like the Giants. We do not. We hate everyone. Just some a little more than others. The Giants are goddamn annoying, but only slightly less annoying than the Patriots. Given a little more sustained success and the attending sense of entitlement, who knows? The gap isn’t as wide as it used to be.

We’re glad the Giants were able to beat the Pats in the Super Bowl in a fashion somewhat similar to the way they did four years ago. But if it weren’t you, it would have just been the Niners or the Packers. Expedience doesn’t excuse the fact that you’re mostly Yankees fans and denizens of Durrty Jerzz. Despite your constant protestations, you’re just as trashy as Jets fans, so stop putting on airs, you dicks.

Stop calling your team the New York Football Giants. The baseball team left more than 50 years ago. There’s no confusion. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

Yeah, I know, all us other fan bases are super jealous that your team won the title and that they made the incredible run twice in five years. It’s true. So we’re gonna take extra satisfaction when your team hopefully follows up this title like they did the last time, by running roughshod through the NFC, getting the top seed, then sh*tting the bed against the rival Eagles in the playoffs. Make us another crying Giants fan.

By the way, thanks for getting swept by the Redskins. Now D.C. fans have something, even sarcastically, to crow about. That’s never good. Getting Devin Thomas a ring for ‘Skins trolling purposes only provides minor relief.

Dammit, Eli: now that we finally have to admit you’re good, the least you could do is embrace it and talk a little sh*t about your brother.

YOU’VE BEEN IN PEYTON’S SHADOW YOUR WHOLE LIFE. WE KNOW YOU’RE ENJOYING THIS. ACT LIKE IT. NO ONE SAID YOU HAD TO WAVE YOUR DICK AT HIM, BUT MAKE A JOKE, YOU AWKWARDLY STOIC OLIVIA OEDIPUS.

NeckAIDS better run in the family.

Despite getting a handful of just horrible, horrible calls in their favor, the Packers were the first home team to drop a game this postseason. Very sad. But also hilarious to the point of gut laughter pain. Those State Farm ads will take on a very plaintive tone over the next week. It was a mixed weekend for teams with superior offenses and wretched defenses. The Saints and Packers, teams that many hoped to meet in the NFC Championship after a memorable Week 1 shootout and a season of putting up huge points, were downed by opponents that could actually bring pressure with their front four.

The Patriots, another team that fits the mold of defensively inept shootout kings, lived to grit it up another week because they ran into a Broncos team wholly unprepared to face a defense that wouldn’t stupidly stack nine in the box against them all game. Luckily, they’ll face Joe Flacco, who couldn’t make a throw today to save anyone’s life, let alone those who Ray Lewis helped kill but escaped serious conviction by ratting out his friends in a plea bargain with the court. The Ravens won’t be quite as stymied offensively next week, as Houston’s defense is far superior to New England’s. This also isn’t the floundering ’09 Pats team that Baltimore came into Foxboro and wiped their ass with in the Wild Card round a week after Wes Welker was lost for the season. The Patriots will put up points and Joe Flacco is actually going to have to do something, anything to keep up. Best of luck, Fu Manchu.

As for the NFC, the Giants will get the heft of the hype this week, by virtue of having felled the seemingly juggernaut droptastic Packers and also just being a team from New York. I wouldn’t bet the Niners will allow Eli to convert 5,000 third downs the way Green Bay’s porous defense did. And the Giants might do something to guard against Vernon Davis running free down the middle of the field. As PK would say, it’s an INTERESTING matchup, except for the potential of Alex Smith regressing to regular Alex Smith.

We’ll have live blogs for both conference championship games next weekend. Until then, I don’t know, get drunk and touch yourself.

You might have heard that the last time a playoff game was hosted at Lambeau Field, Eli Manning and the Giants won to advance to Super Bowl XLII. Well I’m here to tell you that was an elaborately constructed fiction fobbed off on the masses to sell Citizen Eco-Drive watches and Oreo cookies. It was actually Brett Favre who went on to defeat the then-unbeaten Patriots. Yeah, the shocking revelation still isn’t enough to make me tolerate Brittfar or even not wish gruesome tractor accident-related death on him, but at least now you know the truth.