KSK Kontent Klearinghouse: Introducing Bradying, Te-snowing

02.07.12 Written by Christmas Ape

- The new sensation sweeping Troll Nation: Bradying, which involves people adopting Tom Brady’s sullen pose of defeat from the Super Bowl. Busted Coverage already has some submissions from readers. I prefer @matt_T‘s approach (above) of just Photoshopping him into existing memes and funny situations, but that’s me.

- Of course, there can be no Bradying without its more pious and less fun cultural ancestor, Tebowing. A Colorado family made a gigantic Tebowing snowman, which, if there were a just God, would spring to life and crush them for worshiping false idols.

-A woman interviewed at the Giants victory parade said the Giants player she was most looking forward to seeing was “SANCHEZZZZZZ!” It’s funny because Mark Sanchez doesn’t play for the Giants and whatever team Mark Sanchez plays for isn’t gonna have a Super Bowl parade on account of having Mark Sanchez. Also, as an adult, she’s probably too old for Sanchez anyway.

- Steve Weatherford was also playing a drum during the parade, because as we all know from when he brought 100 Shake Weights to Jets training camp during “Hard Knocks” a few years back, Steve Weatherford is one zany punter bro. Perhaps the zaniest. Coming for you, Chris Kluwe!

- Ricky Williams has announced that he’s going to retire to free up time for Ewok Village.

This means Michael Vick and Santonio Holmes will have to fetch a scale to figure out how they’re going to parcel out future “NFL players using marijuana” punchlines. Sam Hurd gets a cut, of course.

- An online pawn company looking for cheap publicity delivered 900 pounds of Butterfingers to Boston’s Copley Square in honor of Wes Welker being all droppy and stuff. More dickish to taunt Welker or not just give them to Vince Wilfork?

- Even though Maria Menounos doesn’t have anything to do with sports, we always have to hear about how she’s a Boston fan. Apparently she made a lost a bet on the Super Bowl and had to wear a Giants bikini, which is whatever, but I enjoy how hard this guy is laughing at her in this photo, so it makes the Klearinghouse.

75 Comments TAGS: , , , ,

¡Ole!

11.07.11 Written by Christmas Ape

When Nacho is called upon to block, that is when he truly becomes The Matador. C’mon Sanchez. Even Dreamboat has the stones to pretend like he’s gonna block only to get tossed aside.

Other notable on-the-field comedy from Sunday after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

45 Comments TAGS: , , , , ,

Hater’s Guide to the Postseason: New York Jets, AFC 6th Seed

01.04.11 Written by Christmas Ape

Hate restores us. Hate focuses us. Hate keeps us warm at night and spoons us if we so desire it. And no time is hate more powerful – more necessary – than the postseason, when those we despise are so close to getting what they want. I don’t get what I want, so f*ck those guys. There are countless reasons to hate anyone. Some of which you might not be aware. Or been made to realize that they are worthy of scorn. Well, you came to the right place. Allow us to guide you to the darkest recesses of the soul, where the streets run dark green with bile and everyone knows your embarrassing nickname.

Read the rest of this entry »

91 Comments TAGS: , , ,

10.07.10 Written by Unsilent Majority

Sorry, lady, but Nacho prefers to be the aggressor. “Following the blowout over the Bills on Sunday, the star QB was enjoying a celebratory meal at Abe & Arthur’s with teammates Braylon Edwards and Dustin Keller, when a woman sidled up uninvited from another table and sat down. “The players were nice at first and chatted with her,” said our spy. “But the woman inched closer and closer to a very reluctant and uncomfortable-looking Sanchez.” In other news, Kellen Clemens couldn’t get laid at an orgy. [New York Post]

34 Comments TAGS: , , , ,

Five Best Moments From Hard Knocks Episode Four

09.02.10 Written by Christmas Ape

Not gonna lie, I could have done with much less Kellen Clemens haggling with a team that would love to cut him and long shots of Lavernaeus Coles walking dolefully down a hallway, but this episode found a way to get some amusing content in in fits and starts. Certainly enough that we could cobble together a handful of clips.

Plus, it can’t be worse than naked Rex in the hot tub next week.

Why would we show that screencap? THE TERRRMINATOR

Without further ado, the five best from episode four…

5. GET OFF MY ASS!

Awww, Kris Jenkins. Freaking out like he’s done prison time.

4. “This Fuggin Bart Guy”

Oh, Mike Pettine, you’ll learn to love Bart Scott yet.

3. That’s Why My Brother Got Rid Of Your Ass

Rex got into it with a Redskins defender who tackled LaDainian hard after a long run. Not good enough to play for Rob Ryan? Ouf. That’s some cold shit, Rex.

However, Mike Westoff sums up my feelings on the Redskins more concisely.

2. FUGGIN SANCHEZ

Nacho shows his mischievous side with a little unicorn ass on your desktop after he didn’t get his special Jets Trapper Keeper like he wanted. Of course, it seems like he knew a little too quickly where to locate said picture. Nevertheless, well done. Also, the Taco Bell hat makes yet another cameo.

1. Let’s Go Eat A Goddamn Snack

Don’t be a slapdick team. Get some goddamn snacks.

Not quite on par with the first week speech, but this one was still pretty special.

36 Comments TAGS: , , , ,

The Five Funniest Moments From The First Hard Knocks Episode

08.11.10 Written by Christmas Ape

The premiere of the Jets season of Hard Knocks went about as well as could be reasonably expected. Granted, the requisite focus on marginal players, even if one of them was named John Conner, did slow things down a little, but you never know when one of those storylines will produce gold. Otherwise, it was a non-stop cavalcade of life imitating crude, foul-mouthed KSK art, as Rex was pure KSK Rex. In fact, they might be indistinguishable at this point.

There were more than a few to cull from, but here were the five best moments for us:

5.

Kudos to NFL Films and HBO to get Rex talking shit in the first minute of the broadcast. Leave no doubt whatsoever what we’re getting.

4.

The last thing we want to resort to is using trite Jersey Shore jokes when talking about the Jets, but with the presence of one coach’s spray-on tanner and the fact that both Joe Namath and Woody Johnson were poppin’ collars, well, I’ll just stop before I stray into Eric Stangel territory. Nice old man waist, Patron Saint.

3.

LaToeInjury got a ton of screen time in this episode and some of it was actually favorable. He caught a 70ish yard touchdown pass in practice, by far the high water mark of his season. Also, he got a little poop material from Coach Rex. TIME TO START SHITTING BIKES, SON!

2.

“Does it matter that Revis isn’t here? Goddamn, he’s pretty f*cking good.” So was this speech.

1.

Bart Scott called Mark Sanchez “Nacho”. Further confirmation that KSK doesn’t so much satire NFL players as create their personalities for them. Sure, it’s possible that it was just a coincidence, since Scott has a history of race-based taunts (see: “Soy Sauce” for Hines Ward). Whatever. We saw Rex trolling the ESPN comment boards. HBO and the NFL just wouldn’t let you show KSK. We don’t believe in coincidences. WE BELIEVE IN F*CKING WINS!

64 Comments TAGS: , , ,

Partnered With
[avatar]
Welcome to Kissing Suzy Kolber.
| Register
Follow Us

ORDER DREW'S NEW BOOK

The Post Portal