Once a party from a particular film has been drafted all other parties from that film are off the board. The order is as follows.

1. Punte
2. Ape
3. Drew
4. Unsilent
5. Ufford
6. Flubby

It should be noted that Random.com’s list randomizing feature hates Flubby for some reason. It’s probably a Kentucky fan. Continue after the jump for the results, then play along in the comments.

1. Punte- Toga party from Animal House

Obligatory.

2. Ape- Boogie Nights New Year’s Party

If you can get over William H. Macy shooting his wife and himself, which I can, seems like a good time. Plus, the movie turns really depressing after this, so I know I got in at the right time.

That’s already two off of my list right off the bat. This should be a contentious draft.

3. Drew- The Moon Tower Party from Dazed And Confused

“There’s a new fiesta in the making as we speak.”

Until my graduation week, I don’t think I ever got to go to a big high school party in an open field where people got drunk and smoked up and all that shit. I so, so, so badly wish that had been a regular part of my youth.

4. The “Save the Pit” party from PCU

Tonight at the Pit, Everyone Gets Laid.

Ufford: The Ice Storm swingers party. RAWR! Kidding. I’ll have something soon. Sorry, I’m fighting a hangover this morning.

Punte: Uff drafts the volleyball scene in Top Gun.

5. Ufford- Old School

Can’t say I’m enamored with this pick. I was really looking for something with more drugs and strippers and gambling.

Hey, Snoop played, hot high school chicks showed up, and there were whippets. You could do worse.

6. Flubby- Caddy Day at the Bushwood CC

Tough call as there are a few good party scenes in Caddyshack (dinner party, yacht christening, post-match celebration).

This will certainly be the shortest lived party drafted today.

7. Flubby- Connie and Carlo’s wedding reception in The Godfather

Awesome spread, live band, plus Clemenza gets drunk and makes a fool of himself– then I’d get to hit up Vito Corleone for a favor and he has to say yes.

Damn, I really wanted the wedding party so I could ask Vito to whack somebody. Excellent value pick.

8. Ufford- Samuel L. Jackson’s blues performance in Black Snake Moan

Hot, sweaty bar in the sticks with Christina Ricci and sexy black chicks getting down to motherfuckin’ SAM JACKSON.

9. Unsilent- The Halloween Party from How High

Sure there would be plenty of Harvard douchebags, but there were plenty of hot chicks and Cypress Hill performed in a fucking dorm. Bonus points if I can get my hands on some of their OG Kush.

10. Drew- The orgy from Eyes Wide Shut

Drew would just stand in the corner touching himself.

11. Ape- The player’s party from Any Given Sunday

Drugs, strippers, pro football players in Miami with Lawrence Taylor chainsawing a car in half .

Ufford: Dammit. THAT’S the kind of party I was looking for. Stupid brain.

12. Punte- The Playboy Mansion party in Beverly Hills Cop II

13. Punte- The Ewok party at the end of Return of the Jedi

There’s a plushies joke in here somewhere, I’m sure.

14. Ape- Bruce Wayne’s fundraiser in The Dark Knight

Have to hobnob with high society types for a while, but food will be good and the booze top notch. And the pay-off, of course, is that I get to watch Batman fight The Joker.

15. Drew- End of the world party, Rules of Attraction

Sex, drugs, hot coeds in lingerie. Fucking Colby College.

16. Unsilent- Tony Lacey’s party in Annie Hall

“I forgot my mantra.”

At this point in the draft Ufford attempts to select the orgy from Eyes Wide Shut that Drew already drafted implicitly.

Ufford: Oh. You mean the time where you just attached an image and DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING? Yeah, that’s my fault.

I hate it when Mommy and Daddy fight!

17. Ufford- Rudd and Rogen’s trip to Vegas from Knocked Up

Strippers and Cirque du Soleil on mushrooms.

I don’t think Rudd and Rogen’s trip qualifies as a party. Unless the guests were the chairs. But we’ll let this one slide, because it’s always a party with shrooms.

18. Flubby- The rave scene from Matrix Reloaded

Crappy movie and the scene ran too long– but looks like a real hootenanny.

Now it’s up to you to fill out the list in the comments. Please select one scene at a time and wait ten picks before selecting again. Nobody likes an asshole. And remember, starting next week the mock drafts will all be commenter driven. Knock yourselves out.

I saw Zach and Miri Make a Porno tonight and I’m drunkenly reporting that it was pretty all right. It’s one of those movies that Hollywood makes where they take a supposedly outre subject and use it as the racy patina for a generically saccharine love story. Kind of like Hard Candy.

Anyway, there’s a scene midway through where the movie pokes fun at Steelers fans (it’s based outside Pittsburgh) and thought I’d pass it along. Not really a critical scene, so it’s not spoiling anything.

I can always count on my significant other to drag me to a movie that has Renee Zellweger in it. So maybe “finally” is the wrong word. Obviously, this movie sucked 4 cocks out of 5. We can shovel some blame onto Sports Illustrated’s Fuckface Emeritus Rick Reilly, who co-wrote the film, along with some other guy I don’t know enough about to consider a viable candidate for ridicule.

While we were at the $2 theater, there was this college-aged girl that walked into the movie with two of her friends. And this bitch waddled down the aisle with her fucking friends and, in a theater with maybe 15 people in it, sat DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF another couple, a ridiculous violation of movie etiquette.

Fucking cunt. If that fucking tub of shit had sat in front of me, I would have stabbed her in the face with my keys. How fucking clueless do you have to be? Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever been so repulsed so quickly by a single person in my entire life.

But I’m getting off track…

Yeah, so it doesn’t take a goofy-assed mustache or a missing chin to know that the movie’s fucked when they’ve stolen the opening credits from Cheers and the first half hour is almost word-for-word ripped off from Slap Shot.

“Oh no! The team’s gonna fold! Fuckin’ machine took my quarter!”

And then Renee Cockshrinker shows up. There’s a whore in the newsroom! You expect me to believe that a newspaper would hire a woman as a reporter in the 1920s? Did they drag her into a speakeasy after hours and gang-bang her? That might explain why she’s squinting all the time. You know, because the old news guys would be standing over her face and…Forget it. I’ll draw you a picture later. But seriously, even Lucy Liu is offended by the narrowness of Renee’s eye sockets.

But anyway…

So they get the guy from The Office to save the team. I really can’t watch The Office because annoying people aren’t funny to me, whether they’re inside my TV or two cubicles away. They could have followed me around for the first two years of my first job out of college and had a better show. And it would have had sex in it! Well, not during season one.

All of a sudden, the George Clooney character suddenly gets all jealous over the new guy even though that kid is keeping him from working in a goddamn mine. Did you know they filmed part of this movie here in South Carolina? No, I didn’t really care, either, but I had to hear about it for six gaddamn months, so now you do, too.

And if you thought this post was aimless and off point, it has nothing on the last half hour of this movie. They basically pull another character out of Renee Cumcatcher’s ass and fix all the issues in the movie, leaving the actual game at the end of the movie about as anti-climatic as a hand job from a 14-year-old girl with rheumatoid arthritis. I could have done better on my own.

Oh, and Clooney directed this turd on skates, so fuck him too.

Like most of those whose formative years occured during the show’s ascent (for the record, seasons 3-9), I have a lot of personal memories tied up with at least the first nine seasons or so. My best friend and I became close in 8th grade through quoting the Don Homer (”Don Homer, my son, he’s-uh…” “Ah. ah. ah. … That’s-uh good-uh donut.”) bit to death. Even back then, in 1995, we speculated on when a Simpsons movie might get made and what they could do. Of course, had it been made then, it’d have been a brazilian times better.

The show has so dramatically shaped my sense on humor and outlook, it’s hard for me to identify with people who haven’t followed it. Most of the seminal literary or cinematic references of our time I saw on The Simpsons first and then recognized in the actual work they were visually citing. I once forced a date to wait 30 minutes before going out because The Lemon Tree Episode, a personal fave, came on during the hourlong daily block.

My expectations for the movie? None too high. The trailers and spots look a bit like the last seven seasons, pratfall-y and stupid. But I’m hoping the producers just have enough faith in the brand that they don’t feel the need to give away great material from the film in the ads. Still, you know it would take dogs-with-bees-in-the-mouths-and-when-they-open-their- mouths-they-shoot-bees-at-you to keep me away.

So, to mark this sweet moment, we planted this lemon tree, lemons being the sweetest fruit available at the time went on The Simpsons Movie web site and created avatars of the Gay Mafia, offering our readers a rare glimpse (excepting that TV whore Ufford) of our collective animated countenances.

Punter

You had to look at it for a good few seconds to make sure it wasn’t really Kearney, didn’t you? And, yes, when he has a kid, it’s sleeping in a drawer.

Nerdlinger Ape

You’ll notice that’s Scratchy on the shirt. Because I own a cat, in case I hadn’t already mentioned that fact a hundred times too many.

flubby

Little does flubby know Clasina Valkenberg has obtained a trademark on the soul patch.

The Maj

We were hoping Unsilent would make a more accurate avatar. He’s not nearly that tall.

CaveUfford

Someone apparently has a pretty deluded, er, positive self-image.

Drew

He was a little let down by the lack of towel accessories in the avatar feature.