Hank Williams is under fire after appearing on “Fox and Friends,” where he compared Barack Obama to Adolph Hitler and displayed an inability to count beyond the number two. In response, ESPN has pulled Williams’s “Monday Night Football” theme song from tonight’s telecast, saying in a statement:

While Hank Williams, Jr. is not an ESPN employee, we recognize that he is closely linked to our company through the open to Monday Night Football. We are extremely disappointed with his comments, and as a result we have decided to pull the open from tonight’s telecast.

No word on whether this is a permanent thing or a one-week wrist-slap until the inevitable, insincere “I was taken out of context” non-apology, but we’ll keep our fingers crossed for the former. And you have to admit that the timing for this is appropriate: nothing about tonight’s Colts-Bucs game can be called “A MONDAY NIGHT PARTAYYYYYY!!!!”

Do you like injuries? Well then, friend, you’re weird. But you are also in the right place. Tonight’s menu features the Giants and the Rams, two teams who are ravaged with injuries and trying to avoid the dreaded 0-2 start.

The Rams will reportedly be without Steven Jackson, so hopefully you’re like me and you are counting on 35 points from Cadillac Williams tonight. You never know, weird sh*t has been happening. He could conceivably turn in to Marshall Faulk for a night. Tony Romo led a comeback yesterday. Weird sh*t.

Things are a bit more upbeat on the Giants side. Albert Breer indicates that both Justin Tuck and Hakeem Nicks will be active.

In other news, I’m going to be writing twice a week over at Washingtonian. Your readership would be appreciated. In my first effort I use the word “spurts” when writing about Rex Grossman.

Tonight’s game promises to be at least entertaining, at least significantly better than last night’s matchup, My Thumb vs. My Ass.

Hey, the Packers are pretty good this year. They’ve successfully not sucked, despite not being able to run the ball for shit. Brett Favre has had two weeks to prepare, coming off a shitty game against somebody. Oh yeah, Washington. Really, defense has carried this team, but Favre gets most of the credit, as the media is obviously very desirous to see an old white guy succeed.

Denver managed to beat Pittsburgh last weekend (I’m glad somebody did) after Elam bailed their asses out yet again with a 49-yarder from the fairway as the clock ran out. This will be Cutler’s first Monday Night start, and I immediately predict to see Jaworski provide a detailed and figurative slurping of the young quarterback, if only to not feel left out while Kornheiser performs his tired, grandiose technique of same with the Original Gunslinger. Look for Tirico’s generous doling of tissues during those waist-up camera shots from the booth.

Punter’s Pick: Broncos, 24-10.

Crazy good pull by Chris at Mister Irrelevant.

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/10/eating-at-y-in-jax.html/feed 16 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/06/and-you-thought-mnf-sucked-last-year.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/06/and-you-thought-mnf-sucked-last-year.html#comments Wed, 20 Jun 2007 17:18:00 +0000 Unsilent Majority http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/06/and-you-thought-mnf-sucked-last-year.html Surely you remember when ESPN first introduced their “B Team” for the Monday Night Football broadcast last season. Let me refresh your memory, they were the ones that didn’t suck enormous rhinoceros cock. Seeing as how Ron Jaworkski, the star of that talented less shitty broadcast, has been tapped to replace The Theez ESPN had to assemble a new crew to broadcast the back end of the Week 1 doubleheader. Well Norby the Mixed-Up Television Executive has made his choice–and it isn’t pretty…

Yeah, because who among us wasn’t getting enough Mike & Mike in our lives? But wait! There’s more!

ESPN is set to unveil a second Monday Night Football announcing team today: play-by-play Mike Greenberg, analysts Mike Golic and Mike Ditka and sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein.

Oh fuck you Norby! What did we ever do to deserve this crap. It’s bad enough when these three get together on the radio, do we really need them in a booth? One’s a jewy metrosexual, one’s a fat meathead, and the other one is a possibly senile psychopath who’s never put together a complete sentence of logical analysis. Apparently this is the future of ESPN broadcasting; that sound you heard was Awful Announcing swallowing his glock.

The guys are obviously thrilled with the news (even that delusional fucktard Golic who probably still thinks he should have gotten the main job last year) and they’ve already commented on the new gig.

Golic, the former NFL defensive tackle, says MNF is the “Valhalla job” of sportscasting. When asked about rising to that assignment, he says: “Who would say no? If given the opportunity I’d love to do it. But they have an excellent crew there now.”

Oh that it were the “Valhalla job.” At least then Golic would be dead, and that would be heavenly for all of us.

Golic says Kornheiser is “a tough bird to figure out.” But Greenberg, who has supported Kornheiser on air as a fellow non-athlete in an industry dominated by ex-jocks, expects him to be in the booth for many years.

Wow Golic, you can practically smell the envy on your breath. Envy and ham.

“I want Tony to do that job as long as he wants to do it. Then when he retires, I want them to give it to me,” says Greenberg, who’ll milk a cow live on air Thursday morning after losing his annual bet to Golic on the NCAA basketball tournament.

I got nothin’. That second sentence tells you everything you need to know about this debacle. Just thank God that it’s only one shitty game and not an entire shitty season…for now.

ESPN tabs Greenberg, Golic to head second MNF team