Hey guys, good to see you again, did you have a good summer? Oh, you went to the beach? Dang, that sounds like fun, I bet the weather was great! Oh, well that’s too bad, but I bet you had fun playing board games in the condo. What do you mean you don’t play board games, what did you do all night? Oh, those clubs never let me in, I figured they were member’s only. Well that’s cool, I guess.

What did I do this off-season? Oh nothing much, unless you count… GROWING THIS TOTALLY KICKASS BEARD!!!

HELLS YEAH, IT’S GROWIN’ IN THICK AND EVERYTHING. DAD SAYS IF HE’S NOT TOO BUSY HE MIGHT TAKE ME TO BUY BUY A REMINGTON BEARD TRIMMER AFTER PRACTICE. THAT THING’S GOT LIKE, A BAZILLION ATTACHMENTS!

WHY DID I GROW IT? BECAUSE I NEEDED A NEW LOOK FOR THIS SEASON. WE WON IT ALL LAST YEAR, AND NOTHING SAYS “I’M A BIG MAN NOW” LIKE SOME FACE PUBES!

HEY, YOU NEED SOME CONDOMS ROOKIE? ‘CAUSE I GOT ABOUT A THOUSAND OF ‘EM IN MY LOCKER. HURRY UP BEFORE I USE EM ALL…

FOR SEX!

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M ACTUALLY MARRIED!

HEY MOM, CAN YOU WRITE “MR. ELI MANNING-McGREW” ON ALL OF MY NEW UNDERPANTS?! WHAT AM I SAYING, I’M MARRIED NOW! MAKE IT MRS. ELI MANNING-McGREW!

[sucks inhaler]

HEY MOM, DID YOU FINISH PACKING MY SUITCASE FOR THE HONEYMOON?!

[opens suitcase]

WHAT THE HECK, MA? YOU PACKED THIS ALL WRONG!

[unpacks item]

I’M NOT A BABY!

[unpacks item]

JEEZ MOM, WHY WOULD I WANT TO READ ON VACATION? HONEYMOONS ARE FOR TWO THING, PLAYING DRESS-UP AND EATING S’MORES!

[packs items]

[packs imaginary item]

THIS TRIP IS GONNA RULE!

[sips from sippy cup]

Stay tuned for dispatches from the honeymoon later in the week.