I can’t believe it!

Osama bin Laden has been killed by American forces in Pakistan. With the death of the leader of al-Qaeda, the United States can close a chapter in its so-called “war on terror.” This latest conquest has really been a source of exaltation, relief and joy for American people across the country. This is amazing news for America, for the Middle East, and the world.

Although…

As a Christian man, I really have to condemn the celebration of a man’s death. I am ashamed that a gathering of young people in front of the White House decided to chant songs and jingoistic tunes while acknowledging the death of a religious leader? Does his killing correct all of the wrongs bin Laden committed in his life?

Why must we be such a vengeful people? Why can we not simply honor the memories of the thousands that died during the events 9/11 and the ensuing invasions in the Middle East? How can we allow a man’s death–any man–be the cause of cheering in the streets?

Haven’t we gone too far? Read the rest of this entry »

Name: Christian Ponder
Position: Quarterback
School: Florida State

Age: 23

Height: 6 feet, 3 inches
Weight: 228 lbs

Nicest comparison: A more cerebral Matt Leinart.
Meanest comparison: An autistic Jim Harbaugh.

Strengths: Three-year starter at FSU, Does not have red hair.
Weaknesses: Name insinuates doubt regarding the existance of a living God.

Relevant medical conditions: Suffered season-ending shoulder injury in 2009. Missed…the rest of that season. Suffered swollen bursa sac in throwing elbow in 2010. Went 9 months in 2008 without a single haircut.

Who wants him: Cincinnati, Philadelphia, Jacksonville, Miami, San Fran, everyone else.
Who will take him: Whoever wants a QB after Cam Newton, Blaine Gabbert and Jake Locker are off the board.

What the scouts are saying: Accurate, strong footwork, will run in the open field. Actually went to class, earning his MBA before the 2010 season. Will play hurt. Likes to cuddle, especially after those long, drawn out arguments involving negligence of housework.

Immediate impact: Play charts will enjoy improved penmanship, possible conversion to Excel.
Down the road: Just a bursa sac away from being the next Matt Stafford.

Current name: Adriel Jeremiah “A. J.” Green
Position: Wide Receiver
School: Georgia

Age: 22

Height: 6 feet, 3 5/8 inches
Weight: 211 lbs

Nicest comparison: Chad Ochocinco, Randy Moss.
Meanest comparison: Michael Winslow from the “Police Academy” movies.

Strengths: Hand-eye coordination; was on the juggling team in elementary school. Also knows how to ride a unicycle.
Weaknesses: Terrible on trapeeze, has a bearded lady fetish.

Relevant medical conditions: Injured shoulder in 2009, missed three games.

Who wants him: Cincinnati
Who will take him: Cincinnati

What the scouts are saying: Green is a playmaker, but he’s kinda skinny, and really bad at keeping track of his iPod. Scored a 10 on the Wonderlic, but only after using the last page of the exam to remove excess sweat from his balls.

Immediate impact: Sits the bench behind Jordan Shipley.
Down the road: Saves ozone layer, provided it’s either sunny or windy outside.

It’s probably premature to be discussing Madden NFL 12 amid all of the lawsuits and injunctions that we just know aren’t going to be in that year’s game, but there’s one new “feature” coming out that, in its own special way, kinda p:sses me off. In the new game, players will be able to get concussions during games, and will not be able to return, as players with other injuries could. Read the rest of this entry »

Roger Goodell wrote a letter to the players. We made fun of it. Poorly. Read the rest of this entry »

Some of you people think I’m bluffing when I say that I’m leaving Cincinnati. For some reason, “I will never set foot in Paul Brown Stadium again” isn’t perfectly clear to some people. Well let me make this clear: I hate Cincinnati.

No, I really hate it. People say that they have real seasons here. I hate seasons. People say how nice everyone from Cincinnati is. I hate nice people. I grew up in California, where personal opinion is verboten, the way it should be. People that live here can’t even spell “Cincinnati.” Three Ns. One T. Not two Ns and two Ts. One. How hard is that? Read the rest of this entry »

Some of you may have found out recently that I don’t have a girlfriend, and some people say that I don’t want one. That’s not true. I have a passion for personal relationships. I love being in love and sharing something special with a person that I share common interests with. And I love to have. I have a passion for laughing like no other quarterback you’ll find.

But no sex. At least, not before marriage. Read the rest of this entry »

PART I.

Is Jason Witten the best tight end in the game right now? I ask him that, plus who he thinks belongs on that upper eschelon of elite NFL tight ends. I also ask him about the probability of a lockout in 2011, and whether or not he’d be willing to sit out an entire season. He has a site.

Dan Levy and I discuss his kid’s bleeding penis and some of the storylines for the Super Bowl, including the media day and the weather. He also mentions his young son, and eventually Ben Roethlisberger is worked into a “To Catch A Predator” analogy. Dan does a podcast, also.

PART II.

Ines Sainz was again the star of the NFL’s media day. This is her seventh Super Bowl, and I ask her what the big deal is. I also ask her if the Jets issue has finally been put to bed, and we find out when Ines started spending more time on her appearance.

Ashley Burns has been helping me at With Leather for many months now. I found out that he runs a pageant magazine, which I think is the closest legal thing in this great nation of ours to pimping.

Two parts. Total runtime 103 minutes. With Josh Zerkle, Phil Raintree and Aaron Merrill.

Jason Witten’s appearance arranged by Take It To The House, presented by P&G. Like them on Facebook. They have some cool Super Bowl stuff up, actually.

Download the MP3s here, or go to the host site, or subscribe on iTunes.

Blah blah blah witty, thought-provoking paragraphs, pictures of chicks. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m glad to hear that Peter King is having such a great time in North Texas. Consider this a memo to all of the media “covering” the week’s festivities: You’re there to WORK. Not slap Drew Brees’s meat. Quit complaining about the weather and tell me about whether or not Terry Bradshaw still hates Big Ben. As if his opinion mattered.