I feel like we’ve all done this before.

But it’s true. This is my last post at KSK.

Having co-founded this site and having spent the last five years being part of one of the best sports blogs ever, leaving isn’t easy. I’ve thought about this for a month and I just have no idea how to appropriately announce the end of my time here as a writer. But I suppose it’s a good time to look back at some of the insight, humor and depravity for which I was responsible. And I had some. These weren’t necessarily my best posts, but they are a lot of my favorites.

There was some football talk on this football blog. I had some rants about the NFL’s overtime format. A few, actually. I wrote a “guide” on the sport for Czech folks, sounded off on Stallworth v. Vick, and that thing that coaches do when they call timeout right before a game-deciding kick.

I made fun of Baltimore, New Orleans, Cincinnati, Cincinnati again, and made another list of awesome cities you should visit.

A favorite of my friend Ed is the Chris Mortensen/Bang Bus mashup. If I ever use “other” in a headline, it probably has something to do with porn.

I wrote some really odd obits-and-such for Chris Henry, Teri Schiavo, the racehorse Eight Belles, Falco, Tim Russert and Trent Green’s career. There was also this Dr. Z post pre-stroke and this Billy Mays post right before Mays died. Have we forgotten about Billy Mays yet? Yes? Forget I said anything.

I flipped the bird to “great fans“, Netflix haters, and the “American Gladiators” reboot. I even made fun of Peter King before it was fashionable, FJM-ing this post in 2006 and again with this probably-not-outdated Outlook Calendar. I remember Outlook. Kinda.

I did a couple posts with some decent characters, and then abandoned them like red-headed children. Charles Haley, The History Of Pro Football, Tom Brady’s baby, Gilbert Gottfried, and Stephen Hawking were just a few of those. Oh, and this 2 Penguins animation which never caught on like I’d hoped it would.

I did a few podcasts, and those will still be going on, though they won’t be posted here. Our Super Bowl show last Feburary was pretty sweet; we had Jason Witten and that TV Azteca lady, Inez Sainz. In terms of pure filthiness, this podcast–the Nasty Fetish draft, set a standard for perversion that we have yet to eclipse.

Oh, quick question: Do these count as black jokes?

And finally, the piece de resistance, the Earth Hour diary. No, that never actually happened.

I’ll still be around…someplace. In the meantime, I encourage you to follow me on Twitter and on Facebook so I can keep you posted on what’s happening next for me. But I really just want to thank Drew, Matt, Jack, Mike and Flubby for five great years together. It was a privilege to be part of such a talented group. And thanks to Jarret and Brian at Uproxx for making me the world’s first professional donkey porn enthusiast. If only I could fit that on a business card…

Finally, thanks to all of you out there in internet-land for reading my thoughts on the NFL and everything else. I think this site has been part of a revolution in the way fans and media think about pro football, and that change has been almost entirely positive. Folks in Alphabet City and at 280 Park are realizing that they can’t pull the same old shit without better acknowledging their customers and what we want out of football.

I think the resolution to the recent lockout is evidence of that. I think the success of this site is evidence of that. Being part of this site and writing for you and to be part of this movement in media has been an honor, and I hope that you’ll follow me into what I decide to unleash upon this God-forsaken English-speaking world next. Seriously, you guys are cool. Let’s do it again soon.

Until then…I’ll see you on the internet.

Peace.

–Josh Zerkle

Not that anyone’s keeping score, but this is the third straight show where we’ve featured an interview with an NFL starter. This week’s victim is 49ers linebacker Patrick Willis, who stopped in to talk about his work in those K-Swiss ads that came out earlier this month.

Some of this was covered in the With Leather post, but a lot of it is new, including Patrick’s explanation of Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight” is his favorite workout song. Am I the only one that automatically associates that with the subway scene in Risky Business?

You can roll straight to the Willis interview at the 40-minute mark. It’s a long-assed show; who could blame you?

We also interviewed Shakey. It’s exactly what you’d expect it to be.

You can listen to the show on the player above, download the MP3 here, follow the show on Twitter and on iTunes or from the host site.

Chad Ochocinco is well-liked by football fans across America, except by me. I can’t stand the guy. He hasn’t done dick since Houshmandzadeh left town and last year he and TO rode a tidal wave of mediocrity into a nine-game losing streak. While Chad seemed to have trouble catching balls, he had no trouble catching headlines, seemingly spending more time working the camera than working on his game. That’s not fun to watch when your team is busy making Ryan Fitzpatrick look like Joe Montana.

Those unfamiliar with Bengals owner Mike Brown might think of his refusal to trade Carson Palmer as the ultimate act of stubborness. That actually came two years ago, when the Bengals were offered two first-round picks for Chad Ochocinco. Brown said no.

Yesterday, Ochocinco was traded to the Patriots. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Chadwick.

Albert Haynesworth. Shitty attitude. Horribly underperforming. Fat.

Traded to the Patriots.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could take the worst people in our lives and just trade them to the Patriots? Just send them off to personality rehab where they would eventually get their shit together and fulfill their potential? The tradeoff of watching them succeed is totally worth not having to deal with their misplaced self-aggrandizement. Out of sight, out of mind.

You are picking one person or celebrity that you would banish from your life in a blockbuster trade to New England. Don’t be afraid to get meta if you’re capable of explaining yourself. It can be a tired celebrity or some asshole in your actual life. Pick. Wait ten picks. Pick again.

I’m taking Harrison Ford, who simply doesn’t have the decency to choke himself to death in a closet while wearing fishnet stockings already. Coach wants to see you, Harrison. Bring your playbook and that stupid earring of yours and let’s get this over with.

It seems almost fitting that we run the complete opposite of last week’s kommenter draft. Instead of picking two people you’d like to see together, this week you’ll be selecting a couple that you could pull apart without repercussions. Because couples are fucking annoying, bros are bothersome, and pairs are better left pared…with a paring knife, that is.

Sometimes couples or duos or business partners split up naturally, like Stevie and Tiger up there, but who has time to wait for that? I HATE THESE PEOPLE NOW. Their joining forces is detrimental to my happiness. WHY CAN’T YOU BE LONELY AND MISERABLE LIKE THE REST OF US?!

Select one pair of humans–living, dead, fictional–that you would care to separate for all eternity. Explain why if you need to. Any person can be re-selected, provided he or she is part of another pair. Wait ten picks, and then pick another duo. These people need to be stopped.

I’m taking Batman and Robin for my first pick. Nobody cares about Robin, except for the clearly-gay Robin from the TV show. Meh, you can’t make an omelette something something. Looks like you’re pounding sand, Boy Wonder.

Now you try.

Vikings punter Chris Kluwe stopped in the dōjō last night; it was the first time we’ve had an NFL starter “live” for a podcast recording. Kluwe has been outspoken on recent NFL policies and the recent CBA negotiations, and we asked him about that and a few other things.

Some highlights of the interview (which starts around the six-minute mark):

• Chris says that 90 percent of the current CBA will be recycled from the previous CBA, and that it wouldn’t take long for the players to vote on it once the player reps approve a proposal.
• He says the only grief that he got from his Brady v. NFL comments were from Colts and Saints fans, and that others reached out to him because he said what they were thinking.
• Nobody in the Vikings locker room will challenge Chris in “Guitar Hero” because he’s so good at it. This is also the same reason that nobody will play him in “Mario Cart” for money.
• His band, Tripping Icarus, plays music that makes me want to build pipe bombs in my basement.
• Chris was born on December 24, but he says tearing an ACL is worse than having a Christmas Eve birthday. I doubt that.

We also spoke with HOUSE OF PUNTE legal analyst Matt DeTura, who discusses the NFL CBA and gives some great-if-a-bit-dated insight into the Roger Clemens mistrial and Casey Anthony verdict.

Listen above or download the MP3 here or from iTunes, and follow @houseofpunte on Twitter.

ARE YOU READY LADIES?

Yeah!

THIS IS OUR TIME!

Yeah!

THIS IS OUR FAVORITE PLACE!

Yeah!

THIS IS OUR DAY AT SIX FLAGS!

Yeah!

WE ARE IN THEIR HOUSE!

Yeah!

WE ARE GOING TO RIDE THE RIDES!

Yeah!

WE ARE GOING TO EAT FUNNEL CAKE!

Yeah!

WE ARE GOING TO USE SUNBLOCK WITH AN SPF RATING OF 50 OR MORE!

Yeah!

AND THEN WE’RE GONNA FIND THAT GOOFY-LOOKING OLD GUY!

Yeah!

THAT CREEPY ASSHOLE IN THE TUXEDO THAT DOES ALL THAT DANCING!

Yeah!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE GONNA DO?

Yeah!

WE’RE GONNA HIT’IM IN THE MOUTH!

Yeah!

WE’RE GONNA PUNCH ‘IM IN THE NOSE!

Yeah!

WE’RE GONNA DRAG HIM TO THE MEN’S ROOM BY THE ENTRANCE!

Yeah!

WE’RE GONNA TAKE HIM TO THE HANDICAPPED STALL!

Yeah!

AND WE’RE GONNA WATERBOARD THAT MOTHERFUCKER UNTIL HE GIVES US FREE FUNNEL CAKE!

Yeah!

LET’S DO THIS!

Yeah!

LET’S GET IT IN HERE! FUNNEL CAKE ON THREE! ONE-TWO-THREE–

Funnel Cake!

We’re in the dreaded NFL offseason. There’s still no real football for months. You’re hurt. You’re angry. You’re hateful. We understand. At KSK, hating things is what we do best, which is why we have the recurring This Week In F–k You series, to soothe your white hot anger. This week: You.

By now, you’ve probably heard about NetFlix and their itemized pricing for their DVD delivery and streaming video services. Instead of paying $9.99 a month to enjoy movies both through the mail and your internet connection, you’ll now have to pay $15.98, effective September 1. This will amount to a price “hike” of about $6.03 per month, or just over 20 cents per day.

Naturally, you went apeshit.

You called it a “massive price increase,” and an act of greed, which seems a bit disingenuous when one considers recent events in the world right now. Never mind the fact that Netflix has gone on record with their annoyance of having to mail out actual DVDs to people, or that movie studios are going to fuck the company in the ass when it comes time to re-up their content deals. That’s a 60 percent hike!, you kept saying over and over. Because you are an idiot.

Now, NetFlix does deserve a lot of shit for announcing this as their “lowest prices ever” on their blog which, ironically, they don’t pay to maintain. And some of you will actually follow through on your threat to cancel your subscriptions, and you should if you find better options. But this is a #FirstWorldProblem if ever there was one. Don’t give yourself carpal tunnel while hammering out your white whine.

The monthly cost of both services together is still probably less than you would pay to see a first-run movie in a theater. Couple that with the facts that (a) movies that come into theaters now routinely suck donkey balls, (2) people in a theater (i.e.–YOU) don’t know how to shut the fuck up or stop using their (YOUR) cell phones and (d) you have to LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE to get there, and you tell me where you’re getting better value for your money. Can you wait two months to see Green Lantern? Don’t you wish you had?

And don’t even get me started on Redbox. If your life sucks enough that you can manage back-to-back trips to the grocery store, go ahead and rent a DVD out of a vending machine. I didn’t realize so many of you were thinking, “Yes, Blockbuster was great, but I really wish the store was just the size of a Coke machine, and people were buying cigarettes behind me while I waited in line.” Hey, it’s your life.

NetFlix doesn’t exist to just bring you cheap shit at your own leisure. It’s an evolving company trying to survive in a batshit marketplace while dealing with some of the greediest fucks on planet Earth. Granted, they should still fire everyone in their PR department, but to paint them with the same brush as Wall Street conglomerates is just fucking stupid.

And if none of that is enough to make you realize what a crybaby douche you’re being, go into your living room when you get home tonight and take a look at your DVR box. If you have one, you’re probably paying in the vicinity of three figures per month for that thing and the channels that come with it. And with all the other shit going on in the world right now, you’re complaining about paying another 20 cents a day.

Get over yourself.

Jon Gruden: Terrelle Pryor! You kiddin’ me? This guy! This guy’s a football player! No way no how! Get out of here! I’m tellin’ ya!

Terrelle Pryor: Thank you for having me. That’ll be $85.

Jon Gruden: You know something, Terrelle? You know what it’s like to be disrespected? You think people hate you in Columbus? You kidding me? You know who’s hated? I’ll tell you who’s hated.

Terrelle Pryor: Who?

Jon Gruden: Dudley Moore.

Terrelle Pryor: Dudley Moore? What team does he play for?

Jon Gruden: Dudley Moore doesn’t play for a team. He’s one of America’s finest actors. He’s been exploited all his life, and nobody appreciated what he did for cinema. Doesn’t that bother you, Terrelle?

Terrelle Pryor: Should I say yes here?

Jon Gruden: Look at this guy in Arthur. Look at the panache. The savoir-faire. Do you know what savoir-faire is, Troy? It’s when you can do gay shit without looking gay. Prince has it. Elton John has it, and Dudley cotton-pickin’ Moore has it. Look at that guy. Don’t you want to just spread his asscheeks and give ‘im all he can handle?

Terrelle Pryor: Uh…

Jon Gruden: You know who tried to disrepect him the most? Russell Brand. It’s not enough for that guy to nail Katy Perry every night and moonlight as a minotaur, is it? Russell Brand had to go and vandalize Mister Moore’s signature film. How do you disrespect Dudley like that?

Terrelle Pryor: How is this supposed to help me get drafted?

Jon Gruden: Lemme tell you something, Terrelle. THIS GUY is a living legend. I’m not even that upset that he doesn’t return my calls. Legends have earned that right. If you want to be a legend, I suggest you find your own way to stardom, instead of just copying what everyone else has done. Find your own way, Terrelle. And stardom will find you.

Now get up to the board and draw me a seahorse.

Terrelle Pryor: You mean like this?

Jon Gruden: Attababy.

TONY DUNGY: Rodney, I don’t know about you, but it’s nice to see the Jon Gruden character back in action this week. Nothing’s funnier than a former NFL head coach with ridiculous views on issues not pertaining to football.

RODNEY HARRISON: Tony, you’re outta your gotdamned mind. Gruden himself ALREADY IS a walking caricature. The guy just utters the same seven phrases over and over again and never makes any damn sense. He’s like the Gus Johnson Soundboard for white people. And besides, wasn’t this meeting like two or three weeks ago? Why wait on it, and why do anything with it now?

TONY DUNGY: Maybe we could have seen a post on the intricacies of the NFL lockout.

RODNEY HARRISON: Shut the fuck up, Tony.

Casey Anthony: So look, you guys. I’m not SAYING that I actually did it, but if I did, I totes would have had a good reason for it. Do you know how expensive it is to get a babysitter these days? Almost as much as a bottle of Jack! How was I supposed to get my groove on with THIS STUPID KID following me around all the time. And they always WANT STUFF! I had to go to bars and flirt with guys to buy me drinks, just to get away from that.

Yeah, so if I actually did that, I really like saved myself money! Isn’t it SO STUPID that other people actually take their kids with them to do stuff? Sorry, I have a life! I need to be my own person! I mean, that would be a totes valid reason for knocking my child unconscious and duct-taping her nose and mouth shut. What, I have to BRING YOU YOUR OWN AIR, you little jerk?

Some of you people are already calling me the white OJ. That’s so sdumb. Why would orange juice ever be white? It comes from oranges. Duh! If you want to make white orange juice, why don’t you get some white oranges. And I don’t even know where those are.

[door succumbs to moral pandering]

Nancy Grace: Yew!

Yew tot mom! Yew’re a stunning bleu tew justice! LEMME JUSSAY! That yew are a deespicabble hewmin bean! Yew are so EVIL! Yew…yew DIRDY HUSHPUPPY!

Casey Anthony: Ugh. Like, CHILL OUT you dirty old bag. Like, who are you even supposed to be? Are you Glenn Beck in drag?

Nancy: IT’S NAWT RIGHT THAT YEW GITTIN AWAY AWAY WIT THIS! LEMME JUSSAY! That yew got away with MARDER! Yew’re a DEE-SCRACE to tha tawt-mawm communitee!

Casey Anthony: Look, Paula Deen. I’m not saying I drugged that stupid little burden and left her in the back seat of my car for a month, but, you know, if I did, I TOTES spent three years in jail anyway. It’s not like I was giving body shots in prison. Um, as far as you know.

Nancy: LEMME JUSSAY–

Casey Anthony: And how the hell did you get on TV, anyway? Did you win “America’s Got Back-Fat?”

Nancy: LEMME JUSSAY–

Casey Anthony: What’s the name of your show? “Swift Breakfast?”

Nancy: LEMME JUSSAY that everyone knew yew were guilty! The only ones that acquitted yew were the 12 folks that actually watched the entire trial and properly weighed the state’s burden of proof against reasonable doubt. BUT EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS YEW DID IT!

Casey Anthony: Whatever. Hey, I’m thirsty. Wanna do some shots? I’m totes parched.

Nancy: HOW COULD YEW! YOUR CHILD DIED THREE YEARS AGO!

Casey Anthony: Whatever. I’ll bring you back a Big Gulp full of gravy.

Nancy: YEW GET BACK HERE! YEW DON’T APPRECIATE THE FRAILTY OF LIFE LIKE I DEW! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT AFTER THE SENTENCING IS OVER? YEEEE-HAWWWW! I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!

We have a little bit of football on this football podcast today.

Brad Jackson from the free-market podcast “Coffee & Markets” drops in; the UT alum gives his takes on Vince Young and Colt “45″ McCoy. Brad became a Titans fan when Vince Young was drafted by Tennessee, which sounds a little crazy to me but what do I know; I root (read:loathe) the Bengals. And then the free-market fun times continue with Katelynn, who is commissioner of one of the 15 fantasy football leagues I’ll be playing in this fall. Yes, there will be football this fall. Let’s all just chill the eff out.

And there are some jokes about non-consentual coitus that some of you may not appreciate.

You can stream the podcast on that thingy above, download the MP3, and/or subscribe on iTunes and leave a comment. The first five minutes are the toughest.