Kissing Suzy Kolber » Minnesota Vikings

#Podcast: The Chris Kluwe Interview

Monday Morning Punter — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 19:09:46 +0000

Vikings punter Chris Kluwe stopped in the dōjō last night; it was the first time we’ve had an NFL starter “live” for a podcast recording. Kluwe has been outspoken on recent NFL policies and the recent CBA negotiations, and we asked him about that and a few other things.

Some highlights of the interview (which starts around the six-minute mark):

Chris says that 90 percent of the current CBA will be recycled from the previous CBA, and that it wouldn’t take long for the players to vote on it once the player reps approve a proposal.
He says the only grief that he got from his Brady v. NFL comments were from Colts and Saints fans, and that others reached out to him because he said what they were thinking.
Nobody in the Vikings locker room will challenge Chris in “Guitar Hero” because he’s so good at it. This is also the same reason that nobody will play him in “Mario Cart” for money.
His band, Tripping Icarus, plays music that makes me want to build pipe bombs in my basement.
Chris was born on December 24, but he says tearing an ACL is worse than having a Christmas Eve birthday. I doubt that.

We also spoke with HOUSE OF PUNTE legal analyst Matt DeTura, who discusses the NFL CBA and gives some great-if-a-bit-dated insight into the Roger Clemens mistrial and Casey Anthony verdict.

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Listen above or download the MP3 here or from iTunes, and follow @houseofpunte on Twitter.

Brett Favre Admits To Sending Voicemails To Sterger, But Not Interceptions To Defenders

Christmas Ape — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 23:48:05 +0000

A cheese cowboy hat? Christ, I can’t sincerely root for you assholes even against Brett Favre. While last week I said that I would prefer the Vikings to hang in contention long enough for them to truly disappoint the long-time sucker fans like Drew, who year after year wait enough time for the Vikes to crush their futile hopes for success.

No longer. Even if seeing the over-hyped Packers crushed underneath the weight of incredible and unreasonable expectation, the Vikings are too annoying to be allowed to continue playing in prime time games. So for the sake of all Sunday and Monday night games, let’s have the Vikings buried well before the flex game portion of season begins.

Granted, the Vikes only have one game on either Sunday or Monday night the rest of the season, but that’s one too many. STOP THE GUNSLINGING FOR A NATIONAL AUDIENCE! STOP IT NOW!

Football Returns Just In Time For Brett Favre To Die

Christmas Ape — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 23:15:05 +0000

Vikings at Saints NFL Kickoff

Let’s all give a nice welcome to our new live blog administrator, StuScottBooyahs. Remember, we get scores of readers at any one time sending tons of comments, so it’s possible that one of yours might go unapproved. That or it simply wasn’t interesting enough for inclusion. Either way, have patience and you’ll be included. The more you bitch, the more likely you’ll be ignored.

Now let’s all exult in the next installment of the Saints punishing Brett Favre without mercy. New Orleans should not settle simply for injuring Favre. Remember that Jared Allen, Steve Hutchinson and Ryan Longwell are also culpable for the Land Baron’s return. This act cannot go unpunished. It is a shame that Darren Sharper is out, however, as the culmination of his off-season blood feud with Visanthe Shiancoe was sure to be entertaining.

And…Here We Go Again

Monday Morning Punter — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 16:18:14 +0000

WILL HE OR WON’T HE 2010 is officially underway–Brett Favre has reportedly told teammates that he intends to retire and not play in a 20th NFL season this fall. So he’s definitely gonna play now, right? While Brett hasn’t commented publicly, we’re free to speculate why the announcement came out now.

Holding out hope for a spot in the Arrested Development movie.
He wants to finish his career with the Heat.
Holding out for a new contract; he wants to be the league’s highest-paid quadragenarian.
NFL offices’ refusal to let Favre change his number to “double possum.”
Still busy trying to chase BP executives off his lawn.
He’s covered in oil! Derp derp derp!
He hates training camp.

See you in Week 1, Brett!

Directed by the immortal Marty Callner

His Daughter Spent the Rest of the Night Cowering In Her Safety Tent

Unsilent Majority — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:00:20 +0000

As bad as I feel for this guy, I enjoy every single thing about this video. The passion, the honesty of raw human emotion, the tent…especially the tent.

This Woman Would Like To Report Some Abuse

Monday Morning Punter — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:27:06 +0000

I told him…I told him that he should call it a day, you know? Go home early…I was…I was just worried about him. I didn’t want to get hurt, and then…And then he got angry with me. I don’t know what I did wrong! I know he cares about me.

You know, I have a lot of friends that would kill for a man like this, you know? I mean sure, he doesn’t always pay attention and he comes into camp late, but he’s so wonderful. He’s the man that we always dream about, you know? I was stuck with this black guy last year, and he just…we just couldn’t make it work.

He said that if I didn’t let him have his way…that I would get fired…

Things were so great in the beginning, but now…

Oh, I don’t know what to do…

I don’t know what to do…

I need you to testify.

Oh, God, no. You know I can’t do that! Please say that I don’t have to do that!

Mrs. Childress, it’s the only way. If you don’t speak up now, you could lose that first-round bye in the NFC playoffs. And you could alienate the rest of the people you work with for years, and then you would lose your job. Mrs. Childress, you can stop this. We can stop this. But we need your help.

My friends…one of them said to me the other day, “Well at least you’re not stuck with Vomit Boy and the Dog Killer,” but they don’t understand. They don’t understand that sometimes he just does whatever he wants. Oh sure, he was better in the beginning…when everyone was paying attention.

We had a big fight at work a couple days ago. In front of everyone! I was so embarrassed. Now I feel like the rest of the people in the office don’t respect me…

He said that he could change…but I don’t think he’s changed at all!

Well, look who it is. Maybe if you hadn’t been enabling this guy from the get-go, this wouldn’t have happened! What about what YOU did! If you hadn’t been making excuses from day one, we wouldn’t be standing here!

That’s not true!

YOU WANTED HIM AROUND AND YOU DIDN’T CARE HOW BAD IT LOOKED TO ANYONE! YOU WERE JUST OUT THERE TRYING TO SAVE YOUR OWN ASS! AND NOW YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE KINGDOM HAS JUST BLOWN UP IN YOUR FACE!

No!

Elliot!

Whatever. I’m gonna squeeze in a set on the bench press.

This was a mistake! I knew this was a mistake! [Runs off]

That poor, poor girl. [Head sinks in disappointment.] I wish people recycled more.

Jared Allen Did Not “Parrty With 2 Rs” Last Night

Monday Morning Punter — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 15:23:01 +0000

This video has made the rounds for some time, and it was a lot more awesome when Vikings defensive end Jared Allen was getting five sacks a game, even if he did that perplexing “dance” after each one. But hopefully it’ll serve as a clarion call for the team that has two of its last three and faces stiff competition for that first-round bye in the NFC playoffs. Oh, and Favre almost got benched. But we can all take solace in the fact that Jared Allen does in fact get his hair cut by trained (if not farsighted) professionals. Whether or not he actually bathes is an entirely different matter.

via With Leather.

This Woman Would Like To Report A Rape

Monday Morning Punter — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 17:00:31 +0000

He just…he just came up to me…he said he was interested…that he knew my “system.”

He said that he knew how to make things work…

I just felt like I had everything except…you know, him…

He said…Oh, god, I can’t believe this happened…

He said that if I didn’t give him what he wanted…that I would lose my job…

And you know…things haven’t been so great lately…

And I just felt…

Oh, I don’t know what to do…

I don’t know what to do…

I need you to testify.

What?

Mrs. Childress, if you don’t speak up now, there’s no telling who else this man is going to take advantage of next. This could happen again and again. For years. We have a chance to put him away for good. But we need your help.

My friends…I told them I didn’t want it…but they didn’t believe me.

They saw…they saw me driving him from the airport…

And then when we got back to my place…He…he just wouldn’t listen to anyone…

He said he wanted to be with me…but I knew he didn’t love me!

Oh, is that what this is about? You’re just trying to get back at this guy, aren’t you? This wasn’t a rape, this is some crazy person just trying to make herself feel better.

That’s not true!

YOU WANTED HIM LAST YEAR, BUT YOU COULDN’T HAVE HIM! AND NOW THAT YOU TWO AREN’T CHASING EACH OTHER AROUND ANY MORE, YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER! ADMIT IT!

No!

Elliot!

Fine…I’ll be doing some many shit off-camera.

This was a mistake! I knew this was a mistake! [Runs off]

That poor, poor girl. [Head sinks in disappointment.] Wow, I sure am showing a lot of tit.

Unsilent Majority — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 13:00:34 +0000

EVERYBODY OVERREACT! Pro Florio Talk has reported that a plane (possibly this one) flew from Minnesota to Hattiesburg, Mississippi yesterday morning before departing several hours later. Nobody is saying that the plane was carrying anyone from the Vikings organization, or that the plane flew there to meet with the town’s eccentric millionaire/resident lawnmower. That being said, OMG, Brit Far’s comin’ back! Somebody unfreeze Madden! [PFT] Update: Debunked. [Vikings Age]