One of the odd things about Michael Vick’s signing last week was the continued presence of former Colts coach Tony Dungy by Vick’s side as both mentor and advocate. Why is Dungy so interested in Vick? Well, we at KSK recently found a tape of the two men meeting privately that explains a great deal. Here now is the transcript.
Vick: Oh, man.
Oh, Lord.
By one sports network’s count, there are exactly eight NFL teams that have not publicly declared “no interest” in signing Michael Vick, one of which happens to be the Green Bay Packers. They’re seriously considering picking up Vick, and I think such a signing would be a good move–for them. (more…)
This is a bad economy to be trifling with the support of fans and sponsors with conservative, anti-dog-killing values, and one could argue that Vick’s deteriorated acumen at quarterback wouldn’t be enough to offer a team to offset the ensuing PR meltdown from its own supporters. He could still get picked up, but it won’t be until later in the summer or early fall, when season ticket forms and sponsorship checks have already been turned in. But I’m wandering off-topic. (more…)
Hi, folks! I’m Alonzo Spellman, former defensive lineman for the Chicago Bears and top secret government operative for King Narudi of Jurumba. (KING, THE HEADS YOU REQUESTED ARE IN MY BAG.) You might remember me from the time I got arrested for roasting my girlfriend on a spit, or the time I defecated in Dave Wannstedt’s wallet, or the time I was caught on a surveillance camera trying to have children with a flowerpot. WHERE ELSE WOULD FLOWER CHILDREN COME FROM?
You also might remember me from such successful products as Alonzo Spellman’s Clown Burgers, Alonzo Spellman’s Tit Wrench, and Alonzo Spellman’s Baby Razors. Now I’m BACK, with an even better product!
This week the AJC reported that in addition to switching defense attorneys, Michael Vick has been busy penning a book during his time in prison. The former Falcon is still looking for a co-author for project, so we figured we’d toss our collective hat in the ring. What follows is a list of our suggested book titles that should show Vick just how serious we are about this whole enterprise. There will be rape stand jokes.
The Falcons are trying to trade Mike Vick, who’s due to be released from the cross-bar hotel right around the time training camps start. Here’s a look at some of the responses Atlanta has received thus far:
* some old jumper cables, four bottle caps, and a marble
* Brian Russell
* an AOL CD from 1997 (1045 hours free!!!)
* Mike Vick rookie card
* two first rounds picks (Snyder, you dumbass)
* uncomfortable silence, followed by derisive laughter
I miss Mike Vick. Sure he killed some dogs, but, dammit, he made last year’s off-season slightly less miserable. This year we have nothing. Well, nothing except mocking Pats’ fans and the occasional comic relief from YouTube.
Maybe I’m over-analyzing this video, but marketing a weed-based breakfast cereal seems counterintuitive since stoners sleep past noon and tend to skip breakfast. Still, it’s not difficult to imagine Mike Vick getting high and staring into his Alpha-Bits looking for a message telling him how he’s going to get out of the mess that his life has become.
Reader Andrew T. points us to obscure second year d-lineman Alfred Malone, who recently joined the Packers. Something about Alfred looks awfully familiar. Even suspicious. As flubby noted, Alfred Malone is an even worse pseudonym than Ron Mexico. Sounds like a shotgun-toting Irish nightwatchman.
Still an improvement over Favre, though.
