By now we’ve all digested and forgotten last week’s Cleveland-Detroit game, a matchup between two terrible 1-8 teams from depressing, cold cities. And while I won’t defend the quality of play in the game, I feel like we should all stop for a second and realize that it’s highly unlikely that another game this year will be as entertaining. Go ahead, take some time out of your day to watch all the highlights. You’ll see:

• A three-touchdown lead that lasts all of ten minutes.
• A running back with 100 receiving yards – in the first half.
• A fake field goal to set up a field goal on the next play.
• Safety!
• Two-point conversion!
• Hail Mary!
• Final play with the clock reading 0:00.

And those are just some of the more unusual things that helped this game stand out as the most exciting on a day that featured three overtime games. Dude, Brady Quinn threw for 300 yards, 4 touchdowns, and no interceptions. BRADY QUINN! And sure, it was against the Lions, but he wasn’t even close to terrible.

But the Meast this week is Lions rookie Matt Stafford. (Take it from me, buddy: the gays claimed “Matthew.” Stick with “Matt.”) Stafford threw for 422 yards and five touchdowns, and though his two picks and intentional grounding in the end zone weren’t very Measty, his play in the final minute certainly was.

After twice evading a game-ending sack, Stafford got crushed by two Browns linemen as he threw a Hail Mary into the end zone. He left the game nursing his bad left shoulder, and Daunte Culpepper entered the game with the ball on the 1 and the game on the line following Hank Poteat’s pass-interference penalty. However, the Browns called timeout, which gave Stafford enough time to reenter the game. After he threw the game-winning TD, he left the field wincing, unable to raise his arms in celebration.

It was the sort of thing we would admire about Brett Favre if we didn’t want that whore to die.

As for the Least of the Week…

Browns cornerback Hank Poteat, who was busy shoving Lions WR Bryant Johnson out of bounds while the ball was in the air on what would have been the game’s final play of a Browns victory. Ordinarily, playing for the Browns is shameful enough to prevent us from heaping additional scorn on a player, but Poteat was hurt by no one else really stepping up and costing their team the game with remarkably terrible play this week. *Sigh* Where have you gone, Jake Delhomme?

For the second week in a row, we get a sexy Friday courtesy #1 overall draft pick and future disappointment Matt Stafford and his SMOKIN’ blonde friend.  Sweet mother of mercy, I’d take her over a Seahawks Super Bowl win any day of the week.  Not that I’ll ever have either :(

Let’s turn that emoticon frown upside-down with more pictures after the jump.

[more at World of Isaac]

The life of a bonus baby quarterback does not suck. Well, at least until he arrives in Detroit. I guess it’s all downhill from there. In the meantime Stafford looks like he knows how to have a good time. Of course it’s easy to have a good time when you’re riding around on a boat with that blond in the middle. God damn. That poor girl to her right even looks like she’s checking herself out to see how poorly she stacks up to the competition. Hopefully she isn’t being too hard on herself. Continue after the jump for some bonus sexiness courtesy of everyone’s favorite Tumblr (NSFWish).

[Int. NFL Combine]

Mike Singletary: Great workout, Matt, you sure are putting on quite a display.

Matt Stafford: Thanks coach, so what’s next? Want to watch me do some more keg-lifts?

Singletary: No, I think we’ve seen enough of your physical abilities. What we’re going to do is have you sit down with a friend of mine for an informal chat. How does that sound?

Stafford: Uh, sure, that sounds fine.

Singletary: Very good, follow me this way, son.

[they enter a small interview room with a large mirror taking up one wall]

Singletary: Matt, I’d like to introduce you to a friend of mine. This is Dr. Franz Herzog.

Stafford: Doctor?

Herzog: [speaking with a faint Austrian accent] Hello Matthew, I am Dr. Herzog, PhD.

Stafford: Oh cool, I took a few Phys Ed courses at Georgia.

Herzog: Wonderful, I can already tell I’m speaking to a fellow intellectual. Now Mr. Coach Man, if you will please be leaving us now, we must speak in private.

Singletary: Oh, right! Sure thing doc, I’ll go wait outside and read a magazine [winks without a hint of subtlety].

Stafford: So what’s going on here doc?

Singletary: [speaking to Dr. Herzog through an earpiece from behind the two-way mirror] Reassure him.

Herzog: Oh it’s nothing to worry about Matthew, of that I can assure you. I simply need to ask some questions to get a better idea of who you are.

Stafford: Well I’m 6’2″ and 228 lbs of pure concrete cyanide with an arm like a goddamn missle launcher. Any other questions, doc?

Herzog: Why don’t you start by telling me about your childhood.

Stafford: I was born in Tampa Bay, but my family moved to Georgia where my father attended graduate school.

Herzog: Excellent.

Stafford: Yeah, then we moved to Texas so I could dominate at the highest level of high school football.

Herzog: Were you always so confident in your abilities?

Stafford: Shit yeah!

Singletary: Enough of this stuff, ask him how often he shits.

Herzog: Matthew, how often would you say you evacuate your bowels?

Stafford: Uh, I don’t know, daily?

Herzog: Was this an answer or a question?

Stafford: An answer?

Herzog: Suddenly you seem unsure of yourself, why do you think this is?

Stafford: I don’t know, maybe because you’re asking me how much I shit. What does this have to do with football, you sick fuck?

Singletary: Okay, he’s a bit on edge now. Find out how he responds to being yelled at by a coach without pants.

Herzog: I’ll ask the questions here, Matthew. Now tell me, have you ever been scolded by a man in the nude?

Stafford: Of course, my old man always used to strip down and scream at me. It was kind of his thing.

Herzog: How did this make you feel?

Stafford: I don’t know.

Herzog: Did it make you aroused?

Stafford: [visibly alarmed] FUCK NO!

Singletary: Calm him down, doc.

Herzog: Stay calm or I will be forced to sedate you.

Stafford: What the hell is going on here? Did Coach Singletary tell you to ask me this stuff?

Herzog: These questions are all standard, I assure you. Now tell me, is your father a well endowed man?

Stafford: He makes a good living, but you know, times are tough and all.

Herzog: No Matthew, what I mean is, were you intimidated by the size of his member?

Stafford: This is ridiculous, can we talk about something else?

Singletary: Ask about his parent’s divorce.

Herzog: Very well. Tell me, are your parents still happily married?

Stafford: No. No, they broke up a while back.

Herzog: Interesting, and how does this make you feel? Did you ever harbor violent and/or sexual fantasies about your father?

Stafford: Uh…no. I’m really not comfortable discussing this subject. Can I talk to Coach Singletary now?

Herzog: We’re almost done.

Stafford: Okay.

Herzog: Very good, now tell me, how old were you when you first masturbated while fantasizing about your mother?

Stafford: That’s it, I’m getting the fuck out of here.

Singletary: [re-enters office naked from the waist down] Am I crazy or did that seem a little weird to you, Doc?

Herzog: Yes, very strange indeed. Did you notice how he refused to discuss the divorce of his parents?

Singletary: Of course, it was quite odd.

Herzog: Indeed, highly unusual behavior. Troubling really.

Singletary: [scratches his testicles] No kidding. I’ll be damned if I’m gonna draft a nutcase like that!