By now we’ve all digested and forgotten last week’s Cleveland-Detroit game, a matchup between two terrible 1-8 teams from depressing, cold cities. And while I won’t defend the quality of play in the game, I feel like we should all stop for a second and realize that it’s highly unlikely that another game this year will be as entertaining. Go ahead, take some time out of your day to watch all the highlights. You’ll see:

• A three-touchdown lead that lasts all of ten minutes.
• A running back with 100 receiving yards – in the first half.
• A fake field goal to set up a field goal on the next play.
• Safety!
• Two-point conversion!
• Hail Mary!
• Final play with the clock reading 0:00.

And those are just some of the more unusual things that helped this game stand out as the most exciting on a day that featured three overtime games. Dude, Brady Quinn threw for 300 yards, 4 touchdowns, and no interceptions. BRADY QUINN! And sure, it was against the Lions, but he wasn’t even close to terrible.

But the Meast this week is Lions rookie Matt Stafford. (Take it from me, buddy: the gays claimed “Matthew.” Stick with “Matt.”) Stafford threw for 422 yards and five touchdowns, and though his two picks and intentional grounding in the end zone weren’t very Measty, his play in the final minute certainly was.

After twice evading a game-ending sack, Stafford got crushed by two Browns linemen as he threw a Hail Mary into the end zone. He left the game nursing his bad left shoulder, and Daunte Culpepper entered the game with the ball on the 1 and the game on the line following Hank Poteat’s pass-interference penalty. However, the Browns called timeout, which gave Stafford enough time to reenter the game. After he threw the game-winning TD, he left the field wincing, unable to raise his arms in celebration.

It was the sort of thing we would admire about Brett Favre if we didn’t want that whore to die.

As for the Least of the Week…

Browns cornerback Hank Poteat, who was busy shoving Lions WR Bryant Johnson out of bounds while the ball was in the air on what would have been the game’s final play of a Browns victory. Ordinarily, playing for the Browns is shameful enough to prevent us from heaping additional scorn on a player, but Poteat was hurt by no one else really stepping up and costing their team the game with remarkably terrible play this week. *Sigh* Where have you gone, Jake Delhomme?

For the second week in a row, we get a sexy Friday courtesy #1 overall draft pick and future disappointment Matt Stafford and his SMOKIN’ blonde friend.  Sweet mother of mercy, I’d take her over a Seahawks Super Bowl win any day of the week.  Not that I’ll ever have either :(

Let’s turn that emoticon frown upside-down with more pictures after the jump.

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The life of a bonus baby quarterback does not suck. Well, at least until he arrives in Detroit. I guess it’s all downhill from there. In the meantime Stafford looks like he knows how to have a good time. Of course it’s easy to have a good time when you’re riding around on a boat with that blond in the middle. God damn. That poor girl to her right even looks like she’s checking herself out to see how poorly she stacks up to the competition. Hopefully she isn’t being too hard on herself. Continue after the jump for some bonus sexiness courtesy of everyone’s favorite Tumblr (NSFWish).

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[Int. NFL Combine]

Mike Singletary: Great workout, Matt, you sure are putting on quite a display.

Matt Stafford: Thanks coach, so what’s next? Want to watch me do some more keg-lifts?

Singletary: No, I think we’ve seen enough of your physical abilities. What we’re going to do is have you sit down with a friend of mine for an informal chat. How does that sound?

Stafford: Uh, sure, that sounds fine.

Singletary: Very good, follow me this way, son.

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