But that’s not all you can learn from Marty B’s new video tour of his “house” aka Cowboys Stadium. Oh no, there is so much more.

video via DMN

*The Kentrosaurus is real? Okay, my mistake. But I’m not buying this “T-Rex” crap for a minute.

Lots of people complain that Twitter is a pointless waste of time.  And while that criticism is valid if you follow people who do nothing but re-tweet, I struggle to find a better source of wonder and wisdom than Martellus Bennett’s Twitter feed.  (To wit: “A man cannot send another man a smiley face n a txt message WTF”  So true, Marty.  So true.)

In case you don’t follow the flood of tweets from Marty B, yesterday he broke down his racial heritage.  It’s math-tastic:

I’m 1/4 Indian (my pocohontas skin tone gives that away) Im 4/8 Negro the way i say four gives it away (fo)1/6 pappadeaux 2/3 cowboy 1/19 11:51 AM Apr 29th from TwitterFon

Animal (part liger) 2/20 transformer and 7/35 blue bonnett Texas babamy. Wat r u 11:52 AM Apr 29th from TwitterFon

Oh and I’m 3/47 alien ET my 1st cousin 11:54 AM Apr 29th from TwitterFon

Jus found out I’m 1/80 Aggie thanks E. King Gill LOL I think that’s his name. He’s the reason for the whole 12th man tradition. 12:00 PM Apr 29th from TwitterFon

So, for anyone keeping count, Martellus Bennett is approximately 1.86 people.  Give or take.  And frankly, that sounds about right.

After the runaway success of Marty B’s blog post on ladyfarts, a few readers noticed a subsequent entry in which he proclaims the tight end combo of he and Jason Witten to be “Rice and Beans.” Well, they weren’t the only ones. Execs in the television industry were piqued with the possibilities of a serial cop drama.

Coming this fall to FOX, following the two-hour block of Cops on Saturday night:

Jason Witten is… KENNY ARROZ!

Martellus Bennett is… JEROME FRIJOLES!

Together they are:

Set in the crime hotbed that is Dallas (actually filmed in Oklahoma City to save money)

Archived footage of the late Tex Schramm as…THE CHIEF!

“Listen here, Rice and Beans, I know you get results, but I’ve had it up to here with your unorthodox tactics. You scared Miles Austin halfway to death!”

Ed Werder is … THE MOLE!

“C’mon Rice. You know the department loves you. What’s a little info just this once?”

Tony Romo is… VICE SQUAD DETECTIVE ALEJANDRO!

“I am only in drag to ceetch dees perverts!”

Marion Barber is … MARION BARBER!

“Whatever. Just came to this show for the groupie ass. I don’t play no bitch-ass characters.”

This fall, RICE & BEANS. They’re gonna serve up a platter…OF ASS WHIPPINGS!

That bitch farted, I can see it!

Martellus Bennett is blogging for the Dallas Morning News‘ website, and fortunately his ruminations have nothing at all to do with football. Instead, the Cowboys’ second-year tight end is using the space to tell fart stories.

This lady was walking in front of me pushing her cart she
stopped to pick up some pringles and let one rip. Sounded like a growl
and and a motor but smelt like a dead carcus. OMG! Now I knew it
wasn’t me LOL and we were the only two people on the aisle. She just
smiled and kept walking like nothing happened the smell followed her.
I swear I could see it like smoke out of a train just nasty.

Stay tuned to the Insider Blog for more of Marty B’s thoughts, including his upcoming post “Queefs: It Stopped Being Funny the Second the Air Came Out of Her Vagina.”

Thanks to commenter Mo Charlo for the smelly tip.