Brett Favre: Hello?

Tony Dungy: Hey, Brett. It’s Tony again.

Brett: Hi, Tony. What’s up?

Tony: Well, I did what you said.

Brett: You leaked rumors of your retirement, only to announce that you were coming back, so that everyone would love you more?

Tony: Yes! Yes, I did exactly that.

Brett: Did you say it was a difficult decision?

Tony: Oh, yeah. They ate that right up.

Brett: Did you say you had to mull it over with your family?

Tony: Yes! Yes, I did. And they bought it! They’re so stupid like that. Who holds a goddamn offsite with their family to talk about a job?

Brett: They love the family angle. Now, tell me, Tony: did you make sure only to commit for one more year?

Tony: Yes, one year only.

Brett: Excellent. Excellent job. That way, everyone remains in your thrall for a whole other year while you “think about it”. It’s like having a farewell tour every year. AND it gives the media a story they can recycle over and over again, without having to think of new angles. “Is this Tony’s last game coaching the Colts? If so, what a class act he was!” They love that shit.

(drinks a fifth of Scotch)

Tony: My thoughts exactly. You really know your way around this stuff.

Brett: Oh, thanks.

Tony: So, what else is going on with you?

Brett: Well, I was thinking about having a ham sandwich for lunch. But I haven’t quite committed to it yet. Have to talk with Deanna and the kids about it. You know? It’s a long morning. And I can’t tell you how I’ll feel about a ham sandwich from one hour to the next. I really enjoyed the last ham sandwich. But do I have it in me to go another round? Not sure. I can’t have a ham sandwich if my heart’s not in it. Tell you the truth, I hadn’t put much thought into it. None at all.

Tony: Damn, you’re good.