HERE IS YOUR WEEKLY PLEA FOR SEXBAG QUESTIONS. So get on it. In an unfortunate update to an e-mail from a few weeks back, the guy who was dating the girl who was perfect in every way except for the one small fact that she routinely spouted obscenely racist remarks (kind of like Brigitte Bardot!) wrote back to say he was dumped by said girl because she claims she was tired of having to censor herself. I think I can agree with everyone in saying dude is better off. And that I hope racist girl’s head explodes when Sonia Sotomayor gets confirmed, which will be followed by legions of rats (black ones!) feeding on the splattered goo.

Last week in the sexbag (by the way, send on your sexy preguntas here for inclusion in tomorrow’s column) Ufford chastised a Pittsburgh fan for asking whether it was okay to hate on Bill Cowher for sounding the conference championship losing alarm in Carolina when the Penguins were their opponent.

Well Ufford may love freedom and cat-related viral videos, but he hates on the ‘Burgh with regularity and he is wrong wrong wrong on this one. See, what instances like this do is allow the fan (i.e., me) some extreme catharsis. And since I don’t get laid because I’m a filthy blogger, that’s the best I can get.

Here’s the thing: Because Chinny up there was coach of the Stillers for 14 years, that’s a long stretch of being forced to apologize for his inveterate conference title choking and his Jon Scheyer-esque propensity for making stupid faces in photographs. And now, because he went and did this (Yes, there’s betrayal involved – it’d be one thing if he coached the Panthers, but the fact that he bought a home in Cackalacky and went to NC State back in the day doesn’t trump his connection to Pittsburgh sports, and, besides, having him do it is an obviously ploy by the Hurricanes to stick it to Pittsburgh fans), I am freed to mock him without compunction for looking like he’s about to about to hulk out out of his stupid red shirt and have his big chiclet teeth ravage downtown Raleigh.

So when KOGOD says in the photo he looks like he’s taking George Clooney’s Burn After Reading sybian chair for a spin, I can laugh without qualm. And laugh I shall YOU BIG RETARDED CHOKING KORDELL DEEP THROATING CHINNY ASSBAG!

Whew. That felt good.

READY TO IMPART ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS TO DISDAINFUL MASTURBATORS? Sure you are. That’s why you need to gather the thorny sex life issues preventing you from sleeping or not twitching, add one half-assed question about which team Michael Vick will be traded to, and send them on down. That way we can gently mock you, but for your edification. And then we can get back to beating it to Hot Chicks on The Twitter. IT’S LIKE THE @ SIGN IS A GIANT MARY-LOUISE PARKER-LIKE AREOLA!

BOOBS TO SOOTHE THE SAVAGE DREW. A quick palliative for Drew after his morning hateFavrefest, here’s a Tumblr page dedicated to posting images of Christina Hendricks, Drew’s and everyone else’s favorite uberbuxom redhead from TV’s Mad Men. This is also a reminder to shoot over your sexbag questions for this week’s column. Ufford will be authoring it this week, so gird yourself for some tersely worded scorn.

And do it here. These days, it seems, one can get bad sex advice from just about anywhere, as the pictures above illustrate. But only at KSK can you have your most pressing concerns addressed by a proven professional in the field of leading you astray.

Do you want to learn the secrets of Flirting With Magic? Well then you really need our help. Send your questions for the KSK Football and Sex Advice Mailbag to kissingsuzykolber at gmail dot computer and you’ll be scoring hot 80′s ass in no time.

Bring Out Your Sexing and Footballing Inquiries. Limit one question about whether you should be aroused by Dinosaurs Fucking Robots. And how to get a robot to give up anal. (It’s all about proper use of the <anal> tags).

Sexy Reminder: Not sure how you should tell your wife about your new amputee fetish? Email us your questions (and/or sexy comments) now to make tomorrow’s edition of the KSK Fantasy Football and Sex Advice Mailbag. Bikini football image via With Leather, whatever the fuck that is.

Mailbag Reminder: Do you need to know the best way to solicit sex from that little minx of a second cousin you met at the family reunion without being ostracized? Do you need to know who to hang on to in your keeper league? Do you need to know why you are only aroused by car crashes and children stuck in escalators? Do you need to know which team is going to hire which coach? Have all your pressing questions answered by the experts in the KSK (Fantasy) Football and Sex Advice Mailbag by emailing us here! Do it now, before it’s too late!