MAILBAG REMINDER: Fantasy season is over, but the mailbag lives on. Send in your general football/sex advice mailbag by noon. Okay 12:15. BUT NO LATER. Thus far all we have is a virgin and a guy living with his parents. Kinda bleak. So please, put yourselves out there to be advised and/or ridiculed.

Do it. And let the English see ya do it. Email us your sex and fantasy football questions for tomorrow’s mailbag.

Pointless reminiscing: When I was in college, a group of us would have heated debates about who was the better woman in Braveheart: Murron the peasant wife or Princess Isabelle. Lots of talk about true love versus wealth and status. I’m not sure if the princess got points for putting out before marriage; I don’t even remember who I sided with. Probably Murron because she showed her boobs. That sounds like a stance I would take.

NO! NO! TOO SEXY! TOO SEXY! Don’t tell me Santa Claus, Indiana don’t know style, or else I won’t know what to think of fashion template Jay Danforth Cutlerfu*ker posing soigne-ally for Michigan Avenue Magazine. That’s the look that gets all the teammates to share their wives with you. At the very least, it makes up for having a non-symmetrical face, which Cutler does only because he cries out of one eye. Naturally, thoughts of Cutler turn the mind to sex, so send your sexbag questions to us, unless your genitals have instantly shriveled to nothing after you’ve been consumed with the anxiety that sets in when you realize you must compete for the ladies with this.

While I’m in a reminderin’ mood – Here’s another mention that I’m doing a reading tomorrow evening at Varsity Letters in Brooklyn. Meandering speeches, monotone delivery – my reading’s gonna have it all!

[Cutler story via Deadspin]

THAT TIME OF THE WEEK AGAIN. Send us your questions for the fantasy sex/football mailbag.  Not tomorrow; tonight.  Believe it or not, it actually takes several hours to sift through people writing hundreds of words about what their ex-girlfriend looks like and then give you thoughtful responses, so we’d appreciate some lead time here.

Also, this week only, any email that includes use of the 10-point scale to rate someone of the opposite sex will automatically be discarded.  This week, in the interest of brevity that so few seem to master, you must use the binary scale: every person is either a 1 or a zero.  You either want to do ‘em or you don’t.

WEEK OF BOOK WHORING WHORES ON. Dan Levy had me as a guest for the second time on his On the DL podcast, where we discussed the book, tackled his questionable allegiance hopping, and also touched on Favraro’s latest escapade, Vick, Shaq vs. Ben (no word on whether they made post-rape dinner plans) and assorted other topics. I also wrote a guest post for Pro Football Talk about five players off limits to haters this year (and PFT has a particularly strong contingent of haters in its readership). This also serves as your weekly reminder for the submission of sexbag questions. If you can mention how the gift of my book made your girlfriend submit to anal, all the better.

HERE IS A PICTURE OF AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN. NOW PLEASE SEND US EMAIL.

Consider this your weekly fantasy sex/football mailbag reminder.  Slight spoiler alert: earlier this week we received the best mailbag question we’ve ever gotten, and if you can beat it with an *honest* question I will PayPal you five dollars.  American dollars, even.  I don’t want to give the details of it away, but the question in question combines subjects of sex and fantasy football in a way that involves (alleged!) pedophilia, jail time, and the proper way to handle Goodell-like fantasy league suspensions.

Frankly, if no one else writes in, I’ll be perfectly happy.

YO DAWG I HERD YOU LIKE…

Consider this your mailbag reminder. Get your Fantasy Football / Sex Advice questions in with a quickness if you want them answered today. Meanwhile I’ll be sitting here crying into my strawberry tartar over the death of Harry Douglas’ knee. Harry, if you need a slow white man’s ACL, just call me and I will be in the Dirty Dirty tonight with a bottle of ether and a carving knife that I stole from Golden Corral. We 502 boys gotsta stick together.

Dating a sexy Nazi?  Tell us all about it. Now’s the time to get in your questions for the weekly mailbag.  Remember: one fantasy sex question; one fantasy football question.  We favor brevity, honesty, and people who aren’t Bears fans.

Check out the sidebar for our email address.  No, you have to scroll down a little more.   More.  Little more.  There.  Under “contact and annoy us.”

LAST MINUTE MAILBAG REMINDER Remember to send in your submissions for the Fantasy Football and Sex Advice Mailbag before it’s too late. The sexy mail lady will not stand for your tardiness.

MAILBAG REMINDER Are you concerned that your new wife won’t stop showing off her glorious funbags in public and displaying her ass on the internet? Does it bother you that her attention grabbing globes are only going to get bigger now that you’ve knocked her up? Are you considering taking a late round flyer on Philadelphia’s sixth best receiving threat? Well then your name is Hank Baskett and you should probably just shut the hell up and enjoy the ride. The rest of you can send us your fantasy football and sex questions for tomorrow’s mailbag. [KSK]

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