Here’s hoping your holidays are special, however you choose to celebrate them. The posting will be light today. But the rest of the weekend should be business as usual around here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to start my Christmas shopping. I hope Amazon added that 6-hour delivery option I asked about last year.

Merry Christmas, and thanks for reading.

[ image by LSUFreek, of course ]

Courtesy of the immortal LSUFreek.

What’s even better than another hi-larious video from LSUFreek? A hi-larious video from LSUFreek on a Monday morning when we have dick all ready to post. Enjoy, kids.

Call it East Coast Bias, call it a predilection to avoid games that don’t matter, but it’s probably best for us to live blog a game with actual playoff implications rather than Monday night’s affair where THIS GUY gets to clinch the NFC West crown over THAT GUY. Instead, teams named from cities in New York and Pennsylvania with fanbases largely residing in the Dirty Jerz (F*ck off, Giants fans who try to claim the Jets are the trashy team with exclusively Jersey roots) do battle to take a division title that Dallas aggressively wants to forfeit.

Speaking of Jersey, while MTV might be backing off airing the now infamous Jersey Shore bar punch, we’ll gladly supply you with the footage.

[Note: The Mannings image on the live blog template is included because Peyton, Eli and Cooper are guest starring on The Simpsons this evening. I could have a bit part in an episode and I still wouldn't want to watch that garbage. What's amusing about that Simpsons book that came out recently is that they maybe found one person involved that doesn't admit that the show sucks now. But I still have to know what's with the green jersey on Cooper? Are they saying he was destined for the Jets?]

[Follow-up note: According to a commenter, "the green jersey on Cooper Manning was his high school colors at Isadore Newman in New Orleans." Thank you, New Orleans high school football mavens.]

I can’t thank LSUFreek enough for this, his latest work of sorcery. After viewing the original video for the second time I decided that it needed to be Romo-fied, and that Freek was just the man to bring the vision to life. He did just that.

Be sure to check out more of Freek’s magic over at The Sporting Blog.

Original video via SKEETS

Special KSK photoshop correspondent LSUfreek has pointed out to us a recent ESPN report that Tony Romo will be playing at the Dallas National Golf Club on May 11, where he will no doubt lead the field in smiles. This, naturally, then prompted a hailstorm of freek’s .gif magic. Behold, ROMOPUTTFAIL.

He’s not the best for nothing, people.

You know, when I heard yesterday that Bucs linebacker Geno Hayes was STABBED IN THE HEAD by his girlfriend, I of course instantly thought of the greatest headstabbing scene in the history of cinema. Then, naturally, I wondered if there were a way to dramatize Hayes’ plight through that very same scene. A few hours later… BAM!

Read the rest of this entry »

Another LSUFreek masterwork. Turns out God is cornier than Kurt would have you believe.

Earlier this season, I enumerated just a small litany of ways in which Baltimore would barely qualify as a third-rate bombed-out township in the Gaza Strip. I could continue to list these ad infinitum, though I fear my hate would consume all of existence.

More than being possessed of a massive persecution complex that results in them being massive dicksmacks, I loath Baltimore fans for their false sense of toughness. I’d like to think that’s what rooting for a bunch of talk-talking, post-tackle-dancing, bounty-hunting drama queens will do to a fanbase, but I fear the problem runs a little deeper.

An instructive story:

I was at a game at an interleague game at Camden Yards in the spring of 2004 (this being still when the Or-ee-oos were the closest available MLB team to me) during the brief period when the Ravens were trying to orchestrate a trade for Terrell Owens which he nixed in favor of going to Philly (even T.O. isn’t dumb enough to want to play for the Ravens). The game was between the Giants and the Orioles, yet an entire section of Eagles fans had gotten tickets for the express purpose of chanting “WE GOT T.O.! WE GOT T.O.!”

Yes, at a game between the San Francisco Giants and the Baltimore Orioles, a group of Eagles fans had bought up an entire section at a baseball game and driven in just to taunt people from Baltimore about a football transaction that had taken place in the off-season. And this wasn’t a quick little chant. It went on FOR FOUR FULL FUCKING INNINGS! And nobody tried to stop them, save shooting them the occasional ugly look.

See, I respect the doucheiosity of Philadelphia fans. Because they’re legitimately scary. Truth be told, I’d be nervous attending a game at the Linc wearing visiting team colors. Not M&T Bank. Sure, pretend hard-ass Ravens fans will threaten you plenty if you show up in a road jersey. Stabbings, ass-kickings, other vague and unconvincing intimations of violence, what have you. And they’ll act on exactly none of it.

Because behind their (FEARSOME!) purple camo and plastic chains, they’re a bunch of exurban bitches wracked by insecurity. And guilt for having stolen a franchise. And the trademark Baltimore inferiority complex. And a Who’s Who of infectious disease.

Oh, how I hate them and everything in their city.

Okay, that’s not entirely accurate. I enjoy The Comics Curmudgeon guy. His wry take on the daily funnies never fails to brighten even the darkest day. The best part about him? His work is on the Intarwebs, meaning one need not visit Lord Baltimore’s herpetic lesion on the Chesapeake Estuary to access it.

For the rest of Bawlmer, let me extend to you my fondest Festivus greeting:

DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE

Preferably getting capped in the street like Bodie.

Far be it from me to mock anyone’s irrational beliefs, I have plenty of my own. But this video of Kurt Warner drawing God made me feel a little awkward on his behalf. But then, who am I to question whatever it is that makes Kurt’s mojo work? After all, if Carolina is foolish enough to get drawn into a shootout Saturday night, Warner is a game away from going back to the Super Bowl.

While Warner’s gridiron bona fides are above reproach, his drawing is short of divine. First of all, he starts out drawing God, but then he says he is really drawing Jesus. C’mon dude, pick one! I conducted a Kwick KSK straw-poll to determine who Warner’s drawing really looks like. Here are the responses I got:

• Chuck Manson
• Osama’s pubes
• Creepy Jesus
• Davendra Banhart

Conclusion: As far as artists go, Warner makes for a good rapidly-aging quarterback. Our good friend LSUfreek has another idea about the source of Warner’s greatness: