About once a month, usually after payday, LSUfreek gets tired of being smacked around by a drunken Orson Swindle and runs away for a few days– crashing wherever he can find a spare bed. Well, today LSUfreek is back at KSK and we are glad to have him.

Look freek, next time Orson lays that “Baby, I’m so sorry. Baby, I’m a changed man. I mean it this time” rap on you, tell him you’re gone for good and you won’t see him anymore. Who are we kidding? We would be a fool for him too– if he would have us, sigh…

Peyton: “I keep mine in a crystal case when I go to bed.”

Eli: “I keep mine on my finger, even during practice.”

Archie: “I keep mine in a dark place, and she never sleeps.”

(Peyton & Eli’s cell phones ring…)

“Hey kid, what did the five fingers say to the face?”

In the latest episode of HBO’s Hard Knocks, we learned that Cowboys Jerry Jones is a kindly old patriarch went to the Moe Howard school of grandparenting. I, for one, find great humor in billionaires smacking the snot out of their grandchildren.

That trick works but a few times before the only ones who will fall for it are the feeble-minded and Wade Phillips. As such, the intended victim is wary of the old man’s ways and is reluctant to play along. However, the other kid– perhaps seeing an opportunity to boost his inheritance– is happy to make PawPaw’s pimp hand fly. Geez, all my grandfather ever did to me was get drunk on Stroh’s and tell me to pull his finger.

[ thanks as always to gentleman farmer Awful Announcing for the clip and to the inimitable LSUfreek for the picture ]

Int. Romo’s Living Room

[cellphone rings]

Tony: You got Romo!

Jason: Hello Anthony, it’s Mr. Garret.

Tony: Yo, J-dog, my man! You wanna go grab a few beers and wrangle up some low-quality tail?

Jason: Surely you jest, Anthony. As you well know, my time is far too valuable for such excursions. Besides, I do believe that philandering about town behind Jessica’s back would cause quite a distraction, something you can ill afford.

Tony: Ah, screw that, man. Jess has been getting all of these phone calls from some weird smooth-talking guy. I think she’s going to dump me, so I figure I better blow the whole thing up first. You know, gotta protect the rep’.

Jason: Indubitably. I’m sure you know best, I’ll let you get back to it then. Just please remember to review the changes in the playbook. The Annexation of Puerto Rico is quite simple for an Ivy Leaguer, but for those of us who matriculated through Eastern Illinois it could be rather complex.

Tony: Yeah whatever, broseph.

[Giggling sounds from the bedroom]

Tony: Hey Jess, are you actually talking to that wackjob with the accent again?

Jess: Shut up Tony, he’s more man than you’ll ever be. I don’t even want to see you anymore, I wish you’d just go home and stay outta my life!

Tony: This is my house you addlebrained cum-guzzler.

Jess: Whatever, you’re a loser!

Tony: Bitch!

[Jessica enters]

Jess: You can’t call me that, my new man is coming over here and his friend is gonna kick your ass!

Tony: Whate-

[loud crashing noise]

Jess: Oh KITT, I love you more than anything, and I wanna have your car-babies!

Sad but (supposedly) true, Tony and Jess are no more.

Big thanks to LSUFreek for the magic.

In an interview with San Diego Union-Tribune, besides giving the photographer the laserface, Philip Rivers claims that his recuperation from his ACL injury is going swimmingly. Photoshop wunderkind LSUfreek has the lost footage of the one hiccup in the process. Hey, a Charlie Steiner sighting!