Are we sure that’s still illegal? Titans quarterback Chris Simms was busted in the pre-dawn hours on charges of “driving while stoned,” according to the venerable New York Post. Everybody knows that smoking weed makes you a better driver, and there’s no indication given that police found any of the offending bud. Plus there’s a report from an unnamed source that Simms was slurring his speech. No, none of this adds up at all. Sorry, Post, but I’m ready to report that Simms was loopy on the Drank. Stop blaming innocent plants! [New York Post]

I knew it was going to be a good day the minute I walked into the Metro station this morning and saw the cover of WaPo’s Express edition. God, that’s a beautiful sight. Now I obviously don’t live in California, and I don’t plan to move there in the future, but seeing that on the front page of a newspaper (even a commuter newspaper) is enough to get me excited. And who knows, DC might not be too far behind.

What, you don’t think legalization is sexy? Very well, continue after the jump for assorted boobs, butts, and the like.

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Hello, my name is Kevin Faulk. I am a professional football player on your beloved New England Patriots, but I’m not here to talk about football today. Instead I’d like to tell you a little bit about something called http://www.sec.state.ma.us/ELE/elepip08/pip082.htm, or as you may know it, the kickass weed decriminalization thing. Now I don’t want to sound biased or anything, but this proposed law is the greatest achievement of mankind since the ancient Mayans discovered that the insides, or “guts”, of a blunt cigar could be removed and conceivably replaced with your broken up buds. This of course is not to be confused with George Washington Carver’s famous peanut chillum, which was pretty fuckin’ dope in its own limited way.

Where was I?

Anyway, today you Massachusetts residents have the opportunity to vote in favor of decriminalizing marijuana, and as a high profile part-time resident of this fine commonwealth, I urge you to exercise your right to vote. See a little while back I was at a Lil’ Wayne concert down in my home state of Louisiana, which unfortunately isn’t nearly as progressive as my part-time home. So I had a little bit of weed on me, and I was arrested for what they consider to be a crime. I am here today to make sure that doesn’t happen to anybody in this great commonwealth. Because hey, Weezy might come here one day, and you know damn well you can’t enjoy that shit sober.

So tomorrow you need to wipe the crust out of your eyes, have a bowl of cereal, and a bowl of your own special blend before heading out and voting “Yes” on ballot question 2!

What do you mean the polls are about to close, the election is on Tuesday?

I slept through Monday again? Oh fuck it, who’s got a light for Kev?