Kissing Suzy Kolber » laziness

LOLNFL/Always Be Covering Mashup

Unsilent Majority — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 14:55:03 +0000

I’m finally back from the wedding/honeymoon fun, so this is a short week for me. With that in mind I’ve decided to take my two weekly feature and combine them into one half-assed post. Why? THERE’S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN! On to the randomly arranged picks and lulz.

Miami +2 @ Cincinnati
Jacksonville +6.5 @ Dallas
Washington +2.5 @ Detroit
Buffalo @ Kansas City -7.5
Green Bay vs. NY Jets -6
Denver @ San Francisco -1.5
Carolina @ St. Louis -3
Tennessee +3.5 @ San Diego
Tampa Bay +3 @ Arizona
Minnesota @ New England -6
Seattle @ Oakland -2.5
Pittsburgh +1 @ New Orleans
Houston @ Indianapolis -5.5

So there you have it. Every single home team is a favorite this week. Spooky.

We’ll Be Doing A Little Chillaxin’ This Week PLUS: KSK FF Contest Winner

Monday Morning Punter — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 13:06:00 +0000

Just as you are, we’re gearing up for the holiday that celebrates challenging authority, blowing shit up, and casually neglecting the rights of women. Independence Day is Wednesday, which totally fucks our week, blah blah blah we’re gonna be lazy assholes.

We’re not posting tomorrow, and we’ll be fortunate to get one post up for Thursday and Friday. We don’t like it either, but this is how it’s going down. Some of us will be out-of-town, or even out-of-country, and you’ll have to split time with the people that put up with our shit in real life. When the withdrawal starts to set in, just remember that training camps will open less than three weeks after we come back, and to use lotion. Or sunscreen. Anything with lubricative properties is good.

And, oh yeah, the contest to pick the owner of KSK’s 14th fantasy team ended Saturday. We received over 11,000 submissions, give or take. The quality of your work was high, and the debate over who deserved to win was (sort of) intense. In the end, it came down to who we thought would make the best addition to our league. By the end of the contest, we had it narrowed down to four people, and the final decision was not unanimous.

We’ll be sharing our favorite submissions with you over the next couple weeks, and you can see what kind of badassery your submission was up against. Plus it helps us keep being lazy. That’s a win-win.

The 14th member of the KSK Fantasy Football League is Sarah, better known as commenter/troublemaker SportsGirl365 from the blog Strike Zones and End Zones. In the end, we liked her style, football knowledge, and her ability to deliver (and receive) trash talk.

Please give Sarah your warmest welcome in the comments.

UPDATE: Sarah’s submission appears below. I think she’s gonna fit right in:

Things I WILL NOT do:

1. Send you naked photos of my tits. They’re average at best.

2. Leave stupid and lame comments on any KSK posts related to the league just to have something to say. (I’ll leave that to Wormfather, Burnsy, and the like.)

3. Forget to set my lineup, leaving in injured and/or bye week players making a jackass of myself and a mockery of the league.

4. Make idiotic trades just because I’m female.

5. Be afraid to call you out if you make any aforementioned idiotic trade offers.

6. Be a homer and fill my team full of Giants. I don’t even want most of them on my team in real life.

Things I WILL do:

1. Send you topless pictures of other girls whose tits are better looking than mine.

2. Make fun of Punter on a weekly basis for entering the ~~Gay Asshat~~ Hot Blogger contest and not making it past the second round.

3. Pay my league fees with a check that won’t bounce.

4. Not be offended when, in a fit of rage after getting his ass kicked by me, BDD calls me a two cent cum dumpster.

5. Unapologetically kick everyone’s ass.

Attached is a photo because, well, if you’re gonna have some pussy in the league she may as well be decent to look at.

Thanks for your time and I look forward to kicking your asses.

Sincerely,

Sarah

Strike Zones and End Zones

Because We Can’t Send You Away Without Some T&A

Unsilent Majority — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 19:49:00 +0000

It’s been a long week at KSK. The birthday celebration went off quite well if I do say so myself (and it’s not like we’ve ever been hesitant congratulate ourselves). Seeing as how I’m still at work and I feel like I’m half-dead (the rest of the mafia is in hiding) I felt it was my duty to leave you with the regular Friday Cheerleader Post. So here goes, enjoy this hastily searched video from the YouTubes.

Have a great weekend ladies and gentlemen…

KSK PSA: Piss Your Own Excellence for a Week, Why Don’cha?

Christmas Ape — Mon, 21 May 2007 01:29:00 +0000

We’re coming up on our first anniversary here at KSK and I gotta tell you, it’s been a great ride, what with all the antagonizing sportswriters, antagonizing readers, antagonizing commenters, spurning loved ones, race-baiting, hippie bashing, NASCAR debasing (why, patron saint, why?), soft porn purveying, gay unicorn planet watching, and, lately, the posting of lots and lots of improbable fictionalized dialogues between NFL figures.

It’s enough to wear a guy (or six) out. It doesn’t help that there’s not a whole lot going on in the world of the NFL until training camps open, so we’re taking a week to recharge our batteries and buy new bath towels.

It’ll be as hard on us as it is on you, believe you me. As we were discussing this, Unsilent said he had a few timely posts to put up, Punter wanted to do another installment of his adventures of Fitty, I wanted to speculate on just how little game Plaxico Burress has to strike out in a bar full of Jersey girls, then Drew cried, then Caveman cried, then I cried and then flubby sneezed. Oh God bless him, he’s such a little soldier.

So, until sun-up Monday, May 28, you’re on your own for slipshodly written, warmed-over satire of things loosely related to the NFL. Oh wait, that’s Memorial Day. Make it Tuesday, fucktasters.