Kissing Suzy Kolber » laserface

Laserface’s December Demolition Disengaged

Christmas Ape — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 00:35:33 +0000

Looks like Rivers fell prey to yet another broadcaster graphic jinx. WHAT? HUH? WHAT? YOUR HOLIDAY SEASON FOOTBALL RECORD IS IMMACULATE NO LONGER! IT CANNOT CONCEIVE A FOOTBALL JESUS! Daryle Lamonica will catch up with you yet!

The Chargers, by the way, were flagged on consecutive plays for having 12 men on the field on defense. That’s a delicious double serving of Norval ineptitude. Marmalard can’t even bare to look. Maybe because, like Cyclops, his lasers will go haywire without his visor.

And of course there’s this week’s portion of Manningface. It’s really starting to pile up in my freezer. I stocked up while it’s on sale, but I’ve kind of lost my taste for it for a moment. Hopefully it keeps well.

But Does It Float: Pennington vs. Marmalard. WHO YA GOT?

Christmas Ape — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 12:05:45 +0000

Everyone loves a strong armed quarterback who can pinpoint throws with surgical precision into the interstitial spaces between a swarm of defenders into the welcoming hands of a receiver. Therefore we can conclude that no one likes Chad Pennington nor Philip Rivers, and not only because Rivers is a dick and Pennington is nice to the point of being off-putting. No, they offend the eye with their bloop passes, even if Marmalard can somehow throw them 60 yards. For those who do tune into this game, please allow an additional four hours of viewing time for passes to land. Anyway, WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Chadwick Alistair Pennington__________________King Philip “The Laserfaced” Rivers

Interests

Pretending that reading Laveranues’ Google Shares is the same as talking to him_______Villainy, abstinence

Favorite floaty movie

Around the World in 80 Days_________________________Up (but only ’cause Disney is down with the the big abby)

Ball floats in the air until…

The fourth Buffalo Wild Wings ad comes on________He has a tribute in a Cincinnati theme park

Do their passes inspire cloying monologues during pedestrian and transparent award season bait?

Hey, that hit the ground!

Spell they’d learn if only Final Fantasy were real

I backed my car into a cop car the other day

Well he just drove off____________________Sometimes life’s okay

Finishing move

Having three-minute final drive end listlessly at opponent’s 40_________LETTING FRUMPY DICK NORV RUN TINY DARREN ON A GODDAMN 4TH AND 2 AGAINST THE RAVENS DEFENSE WHEN WE HAD TWO STARTING LINEMEN OUT THAT DAY, YOU BAG OF SODDENTWAT SANDWICHES

YOU RAN THE BALL AT STABBY ST. BULLETTOOTH HERE WITH ENOUGH MUNITIONS TO START HIS BREAKAWAY REPUBLIC CALLED GOD’S COUNTRY! LIKE, THAT WOULD BE THEIR OFFICIAL TITLE AT THE UN – GOD’S COUNTY. GEE TO THE MUTHAFUKKIN CEE!

Marmalard vs. the Most Valuable Phoetus. Wild Kardkkake Part Deux Deux Deux!

Christmas Ape — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 00:45:09 +0000

Marmalard strives to end Tony Dungy’s career a week after ousting Leatherface from Denver. Can San Diego take two games in San Diego in one year? Quite possibly, but Rivers floaters, Tiny Pocket Darren and a barely existent defense stand in their path.

Better win, Indy, or Pey-Pey’s gonna have to yell at some linemen like the true unselfish leader he is.