Inconceivable! What could be worse than the letdown of having your team win all of its regular season and playoff games only to fall short in the Super Bowl? How about having them slink away from a golden opportunity for a perfect season, thus allowing a borderline team entry to the postseason. Said 9-7 team then advances to defeat the almost undefeated team at home in the conference championships. The fallout: fat humps spend an eternity wondering if they would have had a perfect season if only their team had the balls to go for it. And in doing so, they turn on a GM that they’ve always smugly claimed is better than yours.

The Patriots, dicksmacks though they may have been, at least tried all the way through the season, even if it meant stumbling at the end. The Colts will have suffered justice most poetic. Knowing that Goodell groused about them laying down at the end of the season, The Rog might not exactly mind moneymaker Manning getting denied another shot at a title.

Not saying it’s going to happen. In fact, I already picked Indy to win earlier this week. But then, I picked the Chargers to go to the Super Bowl before the season started, so what do I know?

HEAVENS! We took a brief break from consistently hating on the rival Patriots to bust on your precious Colts. WHAT INEFFABLE GALL!

Yes, the oversensitive reactionary f*ckstains from Stampede Blue have lost their rag once again because someone somewhere uttered a negative word (EVEN IN JEST) about the Land of Sh*t Irsay Fiddlers. For those keeping count, this is the third time Stampede, which takes the bronze in the Dipsh*t Sports Blog Decathlon (gotta work harder to beat Bleacher Report and The Big Lead, guys), has dramatically overreacted to a stupid dig I’ve written about their favorite team on a humor blog. Transparent ploy for traffic? Misdirected attempt at flattery? Oxygen to brain cut off by calcified pork deposits?

YESYESYES!

What’s the most irritating thing about this post? That they assume Drew wrote it? (in fairness, Drew writes everything on the Internet, even your e-mails) That they say “some of the writers at KSK are Redskins fans” while “a few KSK writers also hail from Cincinnati”? You forgot the three dozen of us in New York! And the cast of thousands chained to laptops in the Pontaic Silverdome! WHO DO YOU THINK BOUGHT THAT THING?

No. The worst comes in the fulsome praise for Most Annoying KSK Commenter Monkey Business in the thread that follows. Which means being a braying, overly earnest, long-winded cheerleading slapdick is some sort of wondrous ideal to which all Colts fans aspire.

Listen, Stampede Blue. We saw that Jim Sorgi just went on IR, so enjoy your team’s success for now, because your boys are DOOMED, DOOMED, DOOMED!

/also they always lose their first playoff game

Cashier: Okay, sir. You got two bacon cheeseburgers, one spicy fish fillet, two sides of chicken fries, one order of chili cheese fries and one extra large cherry limeade. That’ll be $18.12.

Derek from Muncie: Ha! That’s funny! 18-12! That’s what Colts fans call the rivalry between Peyton Manning and Tom Brady. The War of 1812. I don’t know if you can really call it a “war” anymore, because we own the Patriots now. How stupid was Belicheat going for that 4th and 2? Peyton would’ve never done that.

Cashier: [Polite chuckle]

Derek: Speaking of Peyton, did you know he’s the first quarterback to ever throw for 40,000 yards in ONE DECADE!? I learned that in my issue of Colts Insider that I keep right here in my front seat. Oops, it fell under this Quinzo’s bag. There it is!

Cashier: $18.12 is your total, sir.

Derek: Did you know the Colts have the most total wins of any team this decade? Sure, we might not have the most titles, like those cheating Patriots and Steelers who robbed us of what was rightfully ours, but the best team doesn’t always win the Super Bowl. But I do think we’re gonna win it this year. How couldn’t we? You just can’t count the Colts out, no matter how far they fall behind in any game. They’re just way, way too good. Did you see how they came back against the Texans? Classic Colts. Just like that Dolphins game where they won despite only having the ball for what? Five minutes? That’s crazy.

Cashier: You’re holding up the line, sir.

Derek: I appreciate you being so courteous to me. I used to frequent Subway all the time even though some of their employees are jerks. Wanna know why?

Cashier: [Doesn't get a chance to speak]

Derek: Because Jared, their spokesguy, is a Colts fan. And people say the Colts aren’t a glamorous team!

We have a celebrity fan! I mean, Peyton’s really a celebrity in his own right. Did you see him on SNL? So funny. I think he’s gonna star in movies when his career is over. That is, when he’s not being a Super Bowl winning coach. Not like he’s not really coaching the team right now anyway. Caldwell’s just an empty figurehead. Anyway, I stopped going to Subway after they dropped Jared as their spokesguy. Now they have Justin Tuck and Michael Strahan doing ads? Whatever. The Giants suck. We beat them in the Greatest Game Ever Played in 1958. Man, I wish I could’ve been an Indy Colts fan back then.

Cashier: Please, sir. The money.

Derek: All right, all right. You know what you guys should do? When the Colts beat the Cheatriots record of 21 consecutive victories in two weeks, you should have a special promotion with that. Like, a free large cherry limeaid or something. I mean, the Colts should really have the record now anyway because the Pats are cheaters. The Chargers are too. Those scumbags didn’t deserve to beat us in our first playoff game the last two seasons. The NFL should investigate them. Shawne Merriman shared his steroids with everyone on the team. I read it on a message board. The Colts are good guys. We got rid of Marvin Harrison after his gun incident. Of course, he was old, decrepit and useless by that point anyway, but we still did it.

Oh, here’s you money.

Cashier: [Exhales sharply] Thank you.

Derek: HEY! My food’s cold now! I want my money back!

Beefcake on display in the Land of Shit.The annual meat market known as the NFL Combine has finally arrived and hundreds of potential draft picks have arrived in the Land of Shit (aka Indianapolis) to be poked, prodded, and photographed shirtless. All the buzz is currently centered around the amazing water-jumping defensive end out of San Jose State, and it’s only a matter of time before incredible 40 times are verified and embarrassing Wonderlic scores are leaked. God damn, I’m fucking bored already.

If you find yourself confronted with an NFL postseason without a rooting interest and unmoved by Don Cheadle soliloquies, you must draw from the well of that most powerful of human emotions. Ok, well, lust probably won’t do here. But the second most powerful, hate, will serve as a fine proxy. This is one in a series of posts filled with bile, spleen, vitriol and all-around nastiness toward all the teams involved with the sordid roundelay we know as the NFL Playoffs.

Looks as through Lil’ Ronnie is all growed up. Not having ever been to Naptown and never having a reason to go, I can’t begin to speculate on what it is that makes it a hotbed for horrible amateur white boy rap. I’ll go ahead and guess the general despair. So, let’s review the latest hotness:

Okay. I made it about a minute and a half through that lyrically lyrical shart and, frankly, I feel like I deserve a medal for it. Let me wrap it up be saying Colts fans are cordially invited to shut the fuck up about Peyton being MVP. “Oh, he performed pretty well at times after holding off on getting surgeries he should have had earlier in the off-season!” Die. I know you love the guy, because you didn’t follow the team until he showed up, but, seriously, no one but you and elite fliers like Peter King buy it.

Speaking of Pey-Pey, expect yet another chastising of the O-line should Indy fall to San Diego Saturday night. Peyton long ago joined the Favraro Club of getting a free pass from the media to act as much a sniveling dicksmack as he likes and never get called out on it (fitting as he and Favre will each retire with one ring). Could you imagine what the reaction would be if, say, McNabb did that? He’d be reamed by every sportswriter in America.

Hopefully the Colts can make a swift exit as usual from the postseason (2006 was, as Emmitt Smiff would call, an “amorition“) Tony Dungy can retire to write pamphlets for PFOX and MarHar can go gun-running with Plaxico.

You would think the football public would immediate gravitate to liking the Pats’ biggest rival but we can’t. Because you’re just that fucking annoying. Luckily you got rid of a home field that was actually difficult to play in, not that you have any home games this postseason.