I was thinking about the internet today, you guys.

What an amazing collection of knowledge we have in front of us. Volumes and volumes of anything any person would ever want to learn in his or her lifetime. And what do we do? We search for our own names in search engines. We find our own locations on those GPS machines. And we stalk our friends on Facebook, especially the hot sexy people that are friends with our wives. Don’t act like you don’t do that either. The Great Masturbator In The Sky will know if you’re being truthful. Because he jacks it to your lies.

Anyway, let’s get to the mailbag. Caveman’s on vacation, which is kinda funny when you think about a caveman trying to get away from it all:
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“You said you wanted a threesome.”

The best thing about bestiality is that the animal doesn’t care if you never call back. You can just hammer out your business in the barn and then go on about your day. Alas, we don’t pursue relationships with animals, but with other people. People with their own needs, their own opinions, and their own little ways of annoying us. People that want to spend time with us, people that want to share animals with us, and people that want to share other people. All these demands for sharing? People can be so selfish sometimes.

Mr. Ufford has handed me the reins this week, and I intend to whip hard, so let’s get to some questions. Heeya! Read the rest of this entry »

I, PUNTE, AM DOING TOMORROW’S MAILBAG, so get those questions in as soon as you can. You beautiful people know the drill: one fantasy football question and one sex question. Jeez, why am I even spelling this out? Especially after saying “You guys know the drill?” Can I make this mail call any more redundant? More redundant?

Instead of blacklisting certain questions, here are a few topics I would like questions on: early relationship dating, mid-relationship dating (like the Hey we’ve been together for a year but what the hell do we do now? variety) and anything interracial. Do not let me down on the interracial, people. Email either kissingSuzyKolber-at-gmail or MondayMorningPunter-at-gmail. The f*ck doctor is in.

Sometimes we fall in love with the dumbest people. A lot of them happen to be in law school. Some of them don’t even own cars, which surprises me. Some of them make more money than us. Some of them are just wastes of life with no redeemable value, and yet we tolerate their horrible attempts to love us. And don’t even get me started on Anquan Boldin.

Yep, it’s time for another sexbag. Ufford is sitting this one out, so come on up onto Uncle PUNTE’s lap and tell him what you want for Christmas. As long as it isn’t Dwayne Bowe, you should be good. And sincerest apologies for getting this up (hee hee) behind schedule. I tried to get in as many submissions as I could.

Let’s delve. Read the rest of this entry »

Ufford is out this week, which means that you can forget about getting lectured on email length, or receiving any credible relationship advice. Ever notice that most of the people looking for advice aren’t really bad at something, but rather they’re just too afraid to try? Trying and failing is a big part of life, and it is an even bigger part of getting laid. The journey to a lady’s promised land begins with a single step. Unless you’re in a whorehouse in Thailand, and then it just begins with a single. And now, your emails, where I blow up on the first douchebag and do my best to exude benevolence upon all those who follow. Read the rest of this entry »

Rather than indulge every reader with a fantasy football question and a sex question from the same reader, we’ll spread the wealth and answer the better of the two from those who made the dubious walk to the Fountain of Knowledge and Ridicule. We’re mixing it up “just because;” don’t get used to it. Feel free to complain about the new format in the comments. As if such an invitation was necessary. Read the rest of this entry »

When Phil Knight, CEO of Nike, launched an ad campaign in 1988 encouraging aspiring basketball shoe owners to Just Do It, he very well could have been discussing man’s uncertainty with the opposite sex. Sexuality was a very inhibited thing, even just 21 years ago. Nowadays people are showcasing their goods everywhere, seemingly without restraint. But what does it all mean? That’s the question we try to slap with our junk in this week’s mailbag. img. Read the rest of this entry »

We wouldn’t have our email addresses posted here if we didn’t welcome reader feedback. Many of our favorite things to appear on this site — the official KSK song comes to mind — have come from readers wanting to share their two cents.

(Side note: many sports bloggers also send KSK links to their take on the NBA Finals or an early look at the Cy Young race. These people can’t fuck off and die soon enough.)

Earlier this week, our own Unsilent Majority received the following email from reader (or possibly non-reader) Donovan Payton, who seemingly used his real name to email the Maj:

you suck man. Your blog sucks. KSK sucks. Rocky IV, the orgin of your name is the suckiest of them all…even worse than V….oh yeah…you suck.
DP

Thanks, Don! We couldn’t agree more. The Maj does suck. So do both our blog and Kissing Suzy Kolber, in case anyone gets the two confused. However, we missed the part where Suzy Kolber interviewed Ivan Drago in Rocky IV, and it’s the group’s majority opinion that V was a pretty sweet miniseries.

Remember when that hot chick unhinged her jaw and swallowed a guniea pig whole? Holy fuck. It looked like Maurice Morris on sailors’ payday. Alien Nazi lizards are bad news, man.