Ice Cube is making a documentary about the Los Angeles Raiders. The old Oakland Raiders were like the original Friday. The L.A. Raiders were like “Straight Outta Compton”. The current Oakland Raiders are like Are We There Yet?

Ricky Williams is going to retire after next season. He’s going to finally do what’s he talked about for years– really get out and see America. He’s saved up for a Winnebago. He and Barbara are counting down the days. Driving west and to spend two weeks with the grandkids in Downer’s Grove, Illinois before making their way out to the Grand Canyon. Maybe stop a night or two in Branson, who knows? They’re gonna see how many Cracker Barrels they can visit along the way. Bar is just crazy for those Goo Goo Cluster they sell there, don’t you know.

Could Jamal Lewis be on the verge of Dumpsville in Cleveland? Wonder which was worse: four months in prison or two seasons in Cleveland?

[ via Winnipeg Sun, NBC Chicago, Fox Sports, Waiting For Next Year ]

- Marmalard is a very rich man this morning, having agreed to a contract extension with the Chargers worth $92 million over the next seven years. The contract includes a guaranteed payout of $38.5 million and, most importantly, it means that he’ll now be the second highest paid* member of the ‘04 quarterback class. Suck on that, Rapelisberger!

- Edgerrin James has found a new team willing to pay him to average less that four yards-per-carry. For the Seahawks it’s an ever-so-slight upgrade over T.J. Duckett who will never ever be a good short yardage back no matter how suited for the position he may look or how many coaches are convinced he can become one. Of course somebody will sign him on the strength of the 8 touchdowns he accumulated last year, thus diminishing the fantasy value of the team’s primary ball carrier. What an asshole.

- The Senior Bowl might be leaving Mobile, Alabama. NOOOOOOOOOOO! Now where will Peter King continue his education on the American slave trade?

*Based on guaranteed money. Okay, I guess it depends on how you look at it. Rivers got a slightly bigger bonus than Eli, although the lesser Manning’s salary should be a bit higher. All of this will be moot when Peyton Manning and Tom Brady sign their new deals next year.

These broads! Foof! It’s like they got moths between their ears! I tells ‘em and I tells ‘em – downs equals tries; tries equals downs. That some kinda rocket surgery or something? What’s a guy gotta do to hammer it through in her thick skull!? It’s like her brain, it ain’t wired right, y’know? She just points at a play in progress and pretends everything goes all coo-coo bananas. Like all us guys are just playing a big practical joke in her. You ask me, she got dropped on her head as a kid. Thank God Steve came with all the uniform dress-up gear to give her the visuals. Now I’mma leave them in the locker room to diagram some stuff while I head back to the recliner. With a cold one, of course. You can take it from here, eh, Steve-oh?

[Everything is Terrible]

In other NFL-related miscellany: