I support making the Football Solstice a recognized holiday with its own set of debauched rituals. However, given that the day after the Super Bowl is still a regular workday, it’s probably pretty far down the docket. Just get the greeting card industry in on the ground floor. We’ll have this as a federal holiday within a year.

- Brady child number three on the way! Second with Gisele if you’re keeping score. This one is definitely getting weird name. But what? Bradinho? Gritty Ivy? Please let it be a for-real Troll Brady.

- Kellen Winslow traded to the C-Hox. Dallas F*ckin’ Clark signed with the Bucs. It’s a run on veteran pass-catching tight ends! And yet still no one wants Jeremy Shockey. :(

- The Cowboys’ and Redskins’ cap penalty appeal was struck down by an arbitrator. At long last, a hard-colluded victory for collusion!

Ooh, ooh, I wanna play Ginger darts!

- So it seems the Pro Bowl is not only not dead, but it might be hosted in New Orleans the week before the Super Bowl. Peter King says that if Goodell is on hand, it will be the most awkward Pro Bowl ever, except for all the other ones.

- Ufford’s SB Nation video operation got NFL rookies to interview each other at the NFLPA trading card photo shoot. But, if the players start interviewing each other, what will media whores do? Besides write 4,000 words about their vacations?

Tim Tebow posed for a picture with the Broadway cast of “Rock of Ages” on Saturday. Someone posted the picture on Twitter, which prompted a request from Tebow’s reps that the image be taken down, apparently because even the loosest association with theater types makes you a big unrepentant homo in the eyes of the church.

- In other Teebs news, the NFL has stepped in to put the kibosh on that “MY Jesus” shirt that Tebow’s people had no business fighting in the first place. It’s also been reported that the Tebowing celebration will be featured in the next Madden game, because, along with making Simms and Nantz the featured announcing team, EA Sports is trying its best to make the next version of the game as repellent as possible.

- Victor Cruz’s salsa dance will make the game as well. OH WHEW. Though at least they won’t be as corny as NBC and tack on the Latin rhythm soundtrack.

- Antonio Cromartie’s wife (and mother of two of his kids and counting) earlier this month reportedly faked a suicide attempt because she thought Cro was cheating on her. Though if you’re interested in even less responsible parents, here’s a Tennessee man who has fathered 30 kids with 11 different women. Just giving Cromartie a target to aim for.

- Pierre Garcon and Brandyn Thompson collided with Mike Shanahan at practice today during a 7-on-7 drill. The collision left Shanny on the ground and motionless for nearly two minutes. Welp, those two are cut.

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Last fall, Hank Williams, Jr. was famously relieved of his duties of riling up his rowdy friends after he broke invoked Godwin’s Law when talking about Obama. With time on his hands and booze on his breath, The NOC imagines what it would be like if the UEFA Champions League final enlisted his services for a pregame hoedown. I’ll be the first to say SIMPSONS DID IT! Still not as weird to me as the fact that Hank sang in Spanish during his final appearance on Monday Night Football.

- The Texans are the latest team to turn down “Hard Knocks”. Awww. Now we’ll never get to know what the Houston Chimera is really like behind the scenes. After all the bitchy lobbying that Peter King did on their behalf, they have the gall to do this? Name five things more disappointing. You can’t.

- Ookie wedding! Michael Vick is getting married on June 30 in Miami to Kijafa Frink. Frink? GLAVIN! Among the notable guests if Ookie mentor THE DUNGE, who will leave the reception in a huff the second any hippity-hop is played.

- LeSean McCoy received a five-year, $45 million extension from the Eagles. He also got an apology from Osi Umenyiora for that weird Mother’s Day dig on Twitter. Can’t imagine which of the two he’s more excited about.

- Redskins long-snapper Nick Sundberg has a giant Greek Mythology scene tattooed on his back. The war is nice, but we’re gonna need to see a lot more man-boy love for it to be truly faithful to the source material.

- Lawrence Taylor reportedly wasn’t the one who put his Super Bowl XXV ring up for auction. It was LT’s son who did it without telling his dad first. I don’t steal from my father and he’s not a tenth as crazy as Lawrence Taylor, so I imagine TJ has already used the auction money to flee the country and change his name.

- The Packers say they will formally retire Brett Favre’s number, but are waiting a year or two to do it, “when it is more meaningful to 4“. I see right through this ruse. Green Bay is totally waiting for ol’ Brittfar to publicly disgrace himself yet again so the team won’t get grief for disavowing any connection. Canny strategy. Let’s hope it works out.

In making the most obvious joke possible about Rex Ryan losing 90 lbs., Adam Schefter kept the god damn in “god damn snacks” while on-air. My stars! Such ribaldry! Either it’s the best evidence yet that Schefter is not actually a cyborg or his makers have added a swearing patch in his latest “human colloquialisms” update.

- On the outside chance you haven’t seen the profile of Justin Bieber that Drew wrote for GQ, get on it. The outtakes are also up over at Deadspin. As Kogod has noted, the greatest is yet to come when the Beebtards spew all their hate at Drew over Twitter for disparaging their swaggy lover boy.

- Got an extra $4,275 laying around? You could win the chance to have some fun out there while tossing the ball around with Brett Favre. Or if you have a set of tits, he’ll let you toss them for free.

- Further evidence that people are the worst: the home of Junior Seau was robbed five days after he committed suicide. Could be Junior Safehouse wasn’t the right wording after all.

- Because of the effects of a concussion, former Giants kicker Matt Bahr didn’t know where he was when he made the field goal to win the 1990 NFC Championship Game. Same goes for Lawrence Taylor, but that’s more on account of being coked out of his mind.

- Nick Mangold appeared on “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” to take part in the “Wax On/ Wax Off” segment. First impression: Nick wasn’t all that hirsute in the torso region to begin with. You could have probably gotten more off of Holley Mangold.

Some effective Native American trolling by this guy dressing up as the Redskins logo. Since it appears like he’s already in D.C., I propose he head down to the Mall in costume to visit the Smithsonian’s Museum of the American Indian. They’d get a kick out of that.

- “30 for 30″, one of very few redeeming things that ESPN does, has been renewed for a second installment. Among the projects already planned is a documentary about Bo Jackson. I’m down, but still holding out for a full-length feature on Tecmo Bo’s exploits is other video game universes.

- Matt Leinart hilariously compares his career arc to Kurt Warner’s. Mentions that Warmer didn’t start a game until he was 28 and is now possibly Hall of Fame-bound. Keep the dream alive, brah.

- Eagles left tackle Jason Peters re-rupurted his right Achilles tendon last night, destroying any chance he had left to play this year. Worse still, the aggravation was caused by a faulty Roll-A-Bout. Oh, the indignity. What’s more, this proves that the beer scooter Gronk was using earlier in the off-season to rest his injured ankle is safer than an actual crutch.

- Because apparently people had been enjoying it too much, Chris Berman joined Twitter. He’ll do battle with Jim Irsay for the title of most classic rock lyrics tweeted by an old asshole. SB Nation gives us a sample of what else we can expect from Berman. My guess: the worst.

- If you’re in the market for 92 photos of Dolphins cheerleader tryouts, Busted Coverage can help you out with that.

The Vikings are getting their new $975 million stadium. With inevitable cost overruns, that billion dollar mark shouldn’t be too difficult to eclipse. Just a few late upgrades to luxury suites should take care of it. Of course, the city and state are getting fleeced on the deal, as all local and state governments tend to in these situations, so I was just about ready to feel bad for some Minnesotans until I saw this photo from a pro-stadium fan protest with a sign claiming that the Vikes were Favre’s last mistress, and so should be preserved for the sake of history. Worst justification of existence ever.

Meanwhile, Florio, sensing another trolling opportunity, decreed that the Rams are now the official Franchise In Danger of Relocation, with his Vikings being safely secured in Minny once more. The underlying idea works for me. L.A. should have a chance to lose both of its franchises twice. Al Davis would’ve been down for another 12-year Raiders displacement.

- Brandon Marshall says even Jerry Rice wouldn’t have been able to succeed with the Dolphins. If all 16 Brandon Marshall personalities couldn’t make a go of it, what makes us think just one Jerry Rice could?

- Factory of Sadness defensive tackle Phil Taylor has reportedly tore his left pectoral muscle, which could cost him the entire 2012 season. That’s unfortunate, but at least it gives him more time to troll racist dickheads on airplanes.

- The Redskins new alternate unis are a bit Boston College-y. Appropriate, as the ‘Skins might just be good enough this year to finish third in the ACC.

- After it was reported yesterday that the Jets were still in the running to be on “Hard Knocks” again, now word has come down that the Jets have been ruled out for the second or third time this off-season. Christ, this isn’t the lockout, HBO. Just figure it out, already.

- Don’t mind me, just gonna be sitting here screeching “IT’S A F*CKING ALL-STAR GAME!” for the rest of the day.

Some are claiming that this ultimate grab is more impressive than any football catch ever. It’s a hell of a snag, to be sure, but last I checked, a football is quite a bit more difficult of a shape to catch than a disc and, unless it’s being hurled by Philip Rivers, a football also won’t remain suspended in the air for 38 seconds for a receiver to run under it. So suck it, hippies playing ultimate in the quad. This ends KSK’s ultimate frisbee beat for most likely forever.

- Tim Tebow said that he’s changing the name of his two-year-old Rhodesian Ridgeback from “Bronco” to “Bronx”, because confusing the sh*t out of your pets is the Christian thing to do. If I see a headline about this to the effect of “A Bronx Tail”, well, it’ll probably only be the third or fourth trollingest thing related to Tebow today.

- HBO said it would like to have a team in place for this year’s installment of “Hard Knocks” by the end of the month. The Jets are reportedly still in the running. But what of the Texans and their righteous campaign for acknowledgment? PK must know!

- Scab officials! The NFL is looking for replacement referees in case the labor standoff between the league and the referees union isn’t resolved by the beginning of the season. Can’t imagine they could be much worse than the current crop of refs. Either way, let’s get Gene Hackman and Keanu Reeves working on the movie adaptation right away.

- An RGIII painting replete with biblical references, a member of Night’s Watch from “Game of Thrones” and what appears to be Dr. Manhattan. I will say I’m impressed with RGIII’s form when racing across the hood of a taxi. Should suit him well in the years to come.

- A contestant on “Teen Jeopardy” misidentified a photo of Eli Manning as Aaron Rodgers. Not numbell one smaltest contestant! Anyway, I know it’s hard to imagine that a kid who appears on “Teen Jeopardy” might not be incredibly well-versed in prominent sports figures, but it’s true.

Happened a little bit ago, but new to me: Eagles offensive lineman Danny Watkins bought his own fire engine, fulfilling the dreams of boys ages 4-7 the world over. Watkins then filmed himself joyriding the truck with the siren running. Even though Watkins has been a occasional firefighter since he was 16, I’m not sure how it’s legal to do that, though I suspect it probably isn’t. At the very least, the siren part. Anyway, if he’s got some free time, there are probably some passed out Phillies fans in D.C. who could use some assistance.

- Giants players pelted Eli Manning with bananas at the team practice facility on Monday to rag on Elisha for his antics on SNL. Sure, but when Spanish soccer fans do it, it’s suddenly wrong.

- THASSS RACIS of the day: Redskins safety DeJon Gomes said that he has been mistaken for RGIII around D.C. on five occasions since the draft. Why can’t people look beyond skin color and dreads and instead look to the content of our silly socks?

- Aaron Rodgers and Ryan Braun are teaming up to open their own restaurant. Expect championship belt and botched piss test themes to be prevalent.

- OH NOES, you guys. Cris Carter said a naughty word on an otherwise unwatchable ESPN show. Heavens! Imprecations on the airwaves! Knowing ESPN, they’ll hold this for the first C’MON MAN segment of the season in September.

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Mike Shanahan drove his golf cart into the one that ‘Skins linebacker/odd choice for Geico pitchman Brian Orakpo was riding during a tournament today at Trump National, which is touted as being in D.C., but actually resides in the former Patton Oswalt stomping grounds of STERLING, VIRGINIA (BURKA BURKA BURRRRRRRRR). Unsilent has the right idea by suggesting that Orakpo show up at OTAs with a neck brace.

- Bernard Pollard doesn’t believe that football will exist in 20 or 30 years, possibly because he’s going to dive headfirst into its knees.

- The Titans have been targeting players with a wrestling background. Should be noted that unfortunately that’s real wrestling and not WRASSLIN’ [Cena sucks]

- Dreamboat, Wes Welker and Bill Belichick went to the Kentucky Derby over the weekend. Massholes are shocked and dismayed to discover that Brady was actually OUTQUEEAHED BY WELKAH! NAWT YOU TOO, LITTLE BUDDY! In other news, Belichick cut loose and let his MILF wear one of the big hats.

- There’s a report that the suspended but still interim Saints coach Joe Vitt instructed Anthony Hargrove to lie about the existence of the bounty program. Once again, this Saints season is going to be so fun.

- The Bills gave Fred Jackson a contract extension. Because when you can lock down a 31-year-old running back coming off a broken leg, you do it.

Just like that, we instantly have new clubhouse leader for favorite Jay Cutler photo, non-sulking division. It’s perfectly distilled Cutlerf*cker: peevish about being noticed outside of his own terms, also annoyed that Kristin is making him walk her stupid tiny yappy dog, the astutely coiffed hair despite being otherwise slovenly. Let’s not forget the huge sweatpants that he must have borrowed from Roberto Garza. If only he were rolling his eyes, it would hit every high note.

- The Patriots have reacquired Jabar Gaffney, meaning that with Ocho, the Pats will boast two receivers who overshare on Twitter. One occasionally amusing and the other disconcertingly dramatic. It always helps to have versatility in an offense.

- Spencer Hall wrote an NFL-related feature. You shouldn’t need further enticement than that.

- Former Cowboys lineman Torrin Tucker got busted for selling weed to an undercover officer in a strip club. Police then discovered bags of weed and cocaine capsules in a Crown Royale bag stuffed down the front of his pants. it’s like he’s utilizing all the life lessons that Nate Newton could possibly impart.

- Columnist argues that the NFL is basically the next Big Tobacco. I find that conclusion somewhat problematic but I do welcome the idea of the league having to fund commercials where people dump bodybags at their corporate offices.

- Worthwhile Junior Seau reaction piece from Chris Jones at Esquire (don’t worry, Gawker, it’s not about his wife), a story on Deadspin about a time Seau picked up a Marine captain’s bar tab then played the ukulele for everybody and another tale of Seau awesomeness from Saints center Eric Olsen.

PROGRAMMING NOTE: Burnsy and Danger Guerrero will be subbing again tomorrow. Don’t think you can act up, because they’ll be submitting a report to me in full about any misbehavior. Looking at you, Feklar. People liked Burnsy’s Sexy Friday post from last week, with good reason, so you’re in for a treat.