Stella models last year's costume.

As you probably know by now, every year at KSK we take a week to raise some money for a good cause, and I end up sweaty and nearly naked as a result. This year’s fundraising effort raised over $34,000 for the Special Operations Warrior Foundation, which helps out the families of wounded special ops servicemen and gives full scholarships to their children should they be killed in combat. It is a wonderful, wonderful charity, and your generous donations made me the #1 fundraiser out of 15,000 people who registered for Fight Gone Bad. The readers of KSK may like dick jokes and name-calling, but you’ve once again shown that you’re an exceptionally strong and caring community. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for giving a shit.

Of course, you didn’t donate SOLELY out of kindness. There were stakes involved. Stakes that I regret, and that you will too once you scroll down and witness me struggling through Fight Gone Bad in nut-hugging faux-denim boxer briefs. The video is below, followed by pictures. Be advised: the pictures, though technically safe for work, are probably not what your boss should catch you looking at, for any number of reasons.

Read the rest of this entry »

Before we get to the stuff you’d rather see, I wanted to share one final fundraising plea about the Special Operations Warrior Fund, the charity that benefits from me getting my ass kicked in Fight Gone Bad tomorrow. I made the stupid video above to talk briefly about it, and I also wanted to share the story of Keith Zeier.

This was from an email sent to me by Greta Zagarino, who helps run Sportsgrants (the non-profit that organizes Fight Gone Bad):

Keith Zeier became a Special Ops Marine when he was 17 after losing his best friend’s dad in 9/11 (fire fighter who was like his dad). He went to Iraq, and was injured from a road side bomb. He damaged his left leg and had some brain damage. He fought back and trained in CrossFit (in Brooklyn) and ran a 100 MILE RACE in Florida to “prove them wrong”. He collapsed in mile 75, but refused medical treatment and was able to finish in 31 hours. About a year later, his leg became infected and they had to amputate it. He is currently in San Antonio getting fit for his new prosthetic and is determined to do FGB6. This guy does not know what “quit” means.

He experienced first-hand the services of our beneficiary this year, The Special Operations Warrior Foundation. They don’t wait to be contacted, they are notified when any Special Ops is either injured or killed. If injured, they stop everything in the office and overnight a $2K check to the immediate family so they can fly to the injured’s bedside. Keith’s family was able to fly to see him right away, thanks to SOWF, and it really helped Keith’s spirits. If killed, SOWF GUARANTEES every child of that soldier a fully-paid four year college scholarship (even if the wife is pregnant). They currently have 866 children to fulfill, and 125 are currently in school. If we can give them $1 million dollars, that equals approximately 66 kids’ one year of tuition. This is the way we thank these guys.

So… yeah. This is an incredible foundation for incredible people who do incredible things. You can DONATE HERE. If I get to $30,000 by tomorrow morning, I’ll do the workout in these embarrassingly tight-fitting boxer briefs. Otherwise I’ll be doing them in regular ol’ cut-off jean shorts like a Funke-ian never nude.

Sayyyyyyy… SPEAKING OF CUT-OFF JEAN SHORTS, here are some women who wear them better than I do. Happy Friday, everybody. We’ll see you back here for Sunday’s games.

Read the rest of this entry »

A couple weeks ago, I ordered these horrific jean short boxer briefs from Japan, because I pledged to wear them during Fight Gone Bad this Saturday if I raised $30,000 for the Special Operations Warrior Foundation, and it looked like KSK readers were going to hit that mark.

Now, I’m a medium. Always have been, since I hit puberty at age 22. The problem is, Japanese people are smaller than Americans, and so a medium in Japan is a small in America. Like, very small.  When I said that I couldn’t wear anything gayer than rainbow snakeskin short-shorts, that was before I tried on super-tight spandex boxer briefs meant to look like denim hot pants.

Fortunately for me, I haven’t raised $30,000 yet. As I write this, I’m holding steady at $25,260. Surely there’s no way that KSK readers could mobilize to raise an additional $4740 by Saturday morning. There’s simply no way people could donate enough in time to humiliate me more. Nope, I’m going to be able to keep a few shreds of dignity after all. Nothing could possibl-eye go wrong.

Phew!

Anyway, you’re here for sex and fantasy football. Let’s get to your questions:

Read the rest of this entry »

Hey everybody, thanks for putting up with these KSK Kares updates all week. I know that it’s a lot more fun to just read the football stuff and dick jokes, so I appreciate the warm and generous response that I’ve gotten in my drive to do an awful workout in Daisy Dukes in order to raise scholarship money to put the children of deceased special ops soldiers through college.

Here are today’s notes on the subject, then I’ll get out of the way and work on putting together a Sexy Friday post for you.

• We had a tie for yesterday’s top donors: Chris D. and Phil K. donated $500 each. Since I can’t cut DVDs in half, I’ll send you each a signed copy of Drew’s new book. Email me, and when Drew comes to New York I’ll ply him with liquor and make him write funny things to you on the title page.
• Today’s top donor will get my last remaining awesome TV DVDs that are not available to the public yet. Donate here for a chance to win.
• Fight Gone Bad will be held on the morning of September 17th, but don’t worry, KSK Kares is only a week long, so even though you can donate until all next week, I won’t pester you about it any more . Well, maybe one more post. You can follow me on Twitter for updates.
• We’re still a more than $2o00 away from Daisy Dukes, so be sure to bother people with jobs to get them to donate. Send them this post that explains everything. If you have ties to super-rich people or a corporate hegemony that makes donations to charities to offset the damage it does to humanity, I would appreciate you pulling that string for me.

Okay, that’s it. Thanks for your patience. To everyone who donated — even the person who donated 61 cents to be ironic — thank you. I really do appreciate every penny that goes to this amazing cause.

(TL;DR — CliffsNotes: DONATE HERE)

As you can see, we still have a ways to go before I actually have to wear cutoff jean shorts. Hey, it’s no skin off my back. I’m happy to wear normal workout clothes, and those orphans of deceased special operations soldiers can go to state school for all I care. But if YOU want to see me do Fight Gone Bad as a never nude, or if you just want the sweet, sweet endorphins you get by giving money to the Special Operations Warrior Fund, DONATE HERE.

Yesterday’s winner was Sanjay M., who gave a whopping $800. He’ll get Season 2 of [REDACTED] on DVD before it’s available for sale, plus a signed poster of “Wilfred.” Today’s top donor will receive an official Aaron Rodgers Super Bowl XLVI jersey. I’m afraid the size is XL, so it will only fit the skinniest Packers fans.

My sincere and endless thanks to everyone who has already donated. I look forward to being humiliated for your entertainment.

A hearty and heartfelt thanks to everyone who donated to to my Fight Gone Bad effort yesterday (if you’re joining us late, read about it here). As of this writing, we’re just a hair over $10,000 raised, which means I now need to find a cameraman and video editor for September 17th. That means we’re also now less than $10,000 away from me doing an ass-kicking workout in cut-off jean shorts. Yay.

Yesterday’s prize — a Slingbox — goes to Richard P., who donated an astounding $1000 to the cause. Holy crap. Thanks, Richard. Email me with your address, and I’ll send it your way.

Today’s prize: TV SWAG. Today’s top donor by midnight Eastern time will get a “Wilfred” poster signed by stars Elijah Wood (Frodo himself!) and Jason Gann, as well as a whole season of an acclaimed TV comedy that is not yet out on DVD. I can’t say which TV series it is because I’m not supposed to be giving it away, but I assure you that it’s most excellent. Thanks again to everyone who has already donated; every dollar counts.

DONATE HERE.

One week a year, we here at Kissing Suzy Kolber take a week to raise money for a good cause. Over the last four years, we’ve raised tens of thousands of dollars for wonderful causes like Fisher House Foundation and Wounded Warrior Project thanks to your generosity. This year, much like the last two years, our method will be to send grumpy ol’ Ufford into the woodchipper known as Fight Gone Bad, a punishing 17-minute CrossFit workout that benefits different charities every year. As you can see from the video above, the more money we raise, the dumber I’m willing to look for your entertainment.

This year’s primary charity is the Special Operations Warrior Foundation. SOWF provides two main services. First, any time an American special ops soldier, sailor, airman, or Marine is severely wounded while deployed, the fund immediately cuts a $2000 check to the service member’s family so that they can afford travel and lodging to be at their loved one’s bedside as they recover from their injuries (a lot of combat wounds are treated in Germany, Walter Reed, etc.). Second — and more impressively — if a special ops warrior gets killed in the line of duty, SOWF pays for the surviving children to go to college. Full ride — tuition, room and board, books, everything.

Think about that for a minute. On August 6th this year, a helicopter crash killed 31 personnel in the special forces community, 17 of them Navy SEALS. They died in Afghanistan a couple months after killing the world’s most renowned and infamous terrorist, and you can help put their orphaned children through college. That is an awesome privilege. If you’re so motivated by that information that you don’t want to hear the rest of the details of the KSK Kares drive, you can go here to donate now.

ANYWAY, a lot of people have asked me what I could do to top last year’s gloriously sexy workout in rainbow snakeskin short-shorts with matching headband. It was a tough question, because I refuse to wear less clothing than that, and it’s impossible to find a pattern as gaudily flamboyant as rainbow snakeskin. But I think I found a way to go bigger than last year:

Read the rest of this entry »

In case you missed it, we here at KSK spend one week a year to raise money for a charity in a futile attempt to redeem our black souls. This year, I offered to trade what little dignity I had for donations to Fight Gone Bad, a brief and brutal workout that benefits the Wounded Warrior Project, Livestrong, and the CrossFit Foundation.

The readers of Kissing Suzy Kolber rose to the challenge, donating $23,787 to Fight Gone Bad and making me the top individual fundraiser of the thousands who combined to raise over $1.5 million. So, if you donated: thank you. Here is the video from the event, as promised. Highlights include me falling off a box (3:33), me almost throwing up (3:54), my general awkwardness/discomfort when speaking to a camera, and — of course — those rainbow snakeskin short-shorts. Enjoy.

Special thanks to: Ari Bassin-Hill for shooting and editing the video, the wonderful community of CrossFit South Brooklyn, and everyone who donated to this terrific cause.

Many of you made very generous donations to Fight Gone Bad during our annual KSK Kares Kharity Drive earlier this month (and if you would like to donate, you still can by clicking here until October 5th). Due to your bloodthirsty support, I went through the workout with a freshly shaved head, rainbow metallic snakeskin short-shorts, a matching headband, and a camera crew to record it all.

The video editor I’ve hired won’t have all the footage cut and mixed into a nice little video for about a month, but until then, you are welcome to ridicule the photos below the jump. Fellas, be warned: you probably don’t want to see this. Ladies… well, you probably don’t, either. Whatever.

Do you worst.

Read the rest of this entry »

Pardon the interruption of football discussion, but I thought some of you might be interested in an update on the KSK Kares Kharity Drive benefiting Livestrong and The Wounded Warrior Project, seeing as how my rainbow metallic snakeskin short-shorts from Liquid Vinyl Clothing have finally arrived. I can’t explain my rationale for thinking this, but somehow I expected “rainbow metallic snakeskin” to be more tasteful. Nope.

Oh, and by the way: the shorts in the banner picture are NOT the shorts I’ll be wearing this Saturday. Oh no, the pair above came free with my order, for cruel reasons that remain a mystery to me. The shorts above offer ACRES of leg coverage compared to the shorts I’ll be sporting at Fight Gone Bad this weekend. Witness:

Read the rest of this entry »