Gisele Bündchen’s most prized accessory will reportedly be named as the 23rd coolest man in America by GQ. Brady–a three-time GQ cover boy–was deemed cooler than Demetri Martin, but less so than the star of Bored to Death, who is quite possibly the show’s third coolest regular cast member.
And now for some in depth analysis of the top 23, let’s check in with our correspondent in Quincy.
Dolphins’ General Manager Jeff Ireland has apologized for asking Oklahoma State wide receiver Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute. The question was part of the pre-draft interviews teams conduct with potential draftees. Ireland’s apology has caused others to speculate about other questions he might have asked. KSK did some asking around and here are a few of the more objectionable queries:
“When your mom was turning tricks, you think she was good for a BBBJ?”
“So is she exclusively girl-girl now, or is there some wiggle room?”
“Have you ever seen ‘The Crying Game?’ Admit it, you were turned on, weren’t you?”
“What’s Dez short for? DEEZ NUTS?”
“Okay, IF your mother WERE a prostitute, how much more would she charge for an outcall as opposed to a quick one in my car?” Read the rest of this entry »
I have more pet peeves than I could ever possibly catalog, but one of the things that bloggers do that I hate most is write “Insert joke here” or “The jokes write themselves” instead of actually writing a joke. It’s like announcing to your audience that you recognize comedic potential in a story but you don’t have the time or the brain power to sit down and come up with a joke.
That’s the story today, when Pro Football Talk reported on the first-ever Raidercruise — which leaves from L.A. on May 2nd, with three scheduled stops in Mexico — with the lede “Some of the best jokes write themselves.” Well, actually, no. The jokes don’t write themselves. They magically appear online in popular dick humor forums. Join us for a Raidercruise jokekkake, won’t you?
Cake Wrecks is the home of a blogger who was able to parlay her internet success into a book deal. (I hate jerks like that.) Anyhoo, today it featured Super Bowl cakes that did not end up as planned. I would be crushed if I was planning a fancy party and at the last minute discovered that the cake had a glaring mistake. I would demand a refund. Or a 30 second shot directly in the mouth from the frosting gun. Either one. Preferably the latter.
People, look at that. The Weather Channel made a lighthearted reference about New Orleans and a hurricane. Do you know what that means? It means that it’s hurricane season — for jokes! Yes, for too long, our nation has been quietly respectful of the Hurricane Katrina disaster that flooded New Orleans. You might even say that hurricane jokes were imprisoned for years after being wrongfully convicted of murder. But now it’s on, baby. The Weather Channel said so.
Just in case he ever does get around to firing his current coach, Raiders owner Al Davis is busy assembling a list of potential successors. The interviews have already begun (I like to think that he makes Tom Cable watch), and the names are sure to bowl you over.
Two people on his interview list have been identified as former Giants coach Jim Fassel, who now coaches UFL champion Las Vegas, and former Raiders offensive coordinator Marc Trestman, the head coach of CFL champion Montreal.
Several sources, including one within the organization, believe Davis may re-interview 2009 candidates Kevin Gilbride, the Giants’ offensive coordinator, and Winston Moss, a Packers assistant head coach, if he hasn’t already.
Of course that’s just the beginning. Continue after the jump for the FULL list.
Reader Upstate Underdog has alerted us to the news that Tom Brady and Gisele Bundtcake have had their baby boy.
He announced the birth at a press conference Wednesday, calling it “a wonderful experience in my life.”
He said the baby and mom are in good health. He added that they have not picked out a name yet.
He also said the baby’s birth will not affect his availability for Sunday’s game against the Carolina Panthers.
After being asked a slew of questions about the birth, Brady told reporters, “Let’s talk football.”
That’s typical Brady right there. “Hey guys! We had a kid! STOP ASKING ME ABOUT OUR CHILD AND LET’S FOCUS ON FOOTBALL RELATED MATTERS.” Anyway, this little bastard needs a name, and we’re here to, once again, offer our suggestions. Remember that Brady’s first child is John Edward Thomas (JET) Moynahan. So Ape suggested Bill, while Uff suggest Dolph N. Brady. Here are a few more:
Halloween falls on a Saturday this year, which is tremendous when coupled with the coinciding occurrence of Daylight Savings Time. That’s an extra hour to sleep off all the drinking de los muertes before preparing for a day of sports-related drinking. And we’re counting on Halloween to be good, knowing full well that Fox is preparing to unleash the goddamn Favre Cam on us the following day. Continuing what has become a yearly tradition for us, we’ve compiled a list of costumes for NFL figures. Do enjoy.
Over the weekend, we were flooded with emails, texts, telegrams, and letters sent via Pony Express that made us aware of Sunday’s New York Times crossword puzzle, which was built around Peter King’s request in his column — the one that is occasionally about football — that he be in a New York Times crossword puzzle. Sigh.
As it just so happens, your weekly King eviscerator Drew Magary is unavailable today, so this PK-themed crossword puzzle will have to satisfy you until Drew’s MMQB breakdown drops tomorrow. We’ll post the answers in a few hours.
ACROSS
3. Most humane train
5. You should respect it
10. Land baron
12. Johnny Damon lookalike
13. Criminally melted candy
16. Extraneous urban asset
17. The perfect save
18. Alarming new fashion trend
19. Disturbing trend on I-95
DOWN
1. No room at the Inn?
2. Led NFL in smiles during 2008 season
4. Unknowable science
6. Crime committed by film companies
7. Favre?
8. Chain restaurant with coffee-flavored water
9. Ohio home of Toone P. Wiggins
11. Two wonderful?
14. Moniker for SI scribe Banks
15. Pre-ferred prefix
16. Car part, defined
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